grateful to get through

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

It takes a long few minutes, a steadying drink and a lot of cold water splashed onto her face before Vai feels as though she's ready for social interaction again. (Coming back from the dead and bumping into your long-lost daughter will do that to you). But the witch is nothing if not determined to make the most of the party, even if she has a feeling that there are more emotional reunions to come, and it's with that in mind that she searches the party-goers for Sunjata.

Not bothering to try and call out to him over the music and laughter and chattering voices, Vai instead weaves through the crowd to his side and reaches out with a warm hand to clasp his shoulder. "Hey," she says, close enough now that she doesn't have to raise her voice. "Want to go and sit somewhere quiet now, if you've got time?" She hasn't brought a drink as an offering this time, unsure whether more booze will make things worse - not that she knows if the Flood can even get drunk any more.

"There's a spot under one of the tents over there," she adds, pointing out a nearby bench close to where Remi had first lit Mort's Lantern.

Vervain

// so now you've done a little wrong and you need to be forgiven,
by the vicar and the company you keep //

Content to wait while Vai mingles back with the crowd, taking the time to wave to those he knows that are currently indulging in spending time with those long since passed, he mostly keeps to himself. Watching Hotaru step away when she finds a break to talk to Rex, hanging back with Melita for a few moments longer before Vai’s stepping through the crowd to reach him again.

At least by now he’s been able to get his emotions under check, so that when she finds him again, he’s managed to not cry, despite how much he’d wanted to just hours before. “Hey.” He says warmly, flashing her his crooked smile, the very one he’d received she’d helped heal for him despite the water’s salty attempts to keep it gnarled and crooked.

“I’ve got all the time for you.” Sunjata murmurs with confidence, his accent flitting over the words easier now - warmer now, than he had been the last time they’d talked. After Safrin had tried to snuff out his light when he’d pledged himself to Frey.

But gods, that was so long ago. And with the decision of the location made, he sweeps his arm around her back, keeping her at his side as they step over toward the space she’d suggested, hunkering down in the sand beside her as he fights with himself to say anything but the elephant in the room. “I uh… I didn’t know until recently that you’d left… us.” He says, lifting his gaze from the sand to look over at her, the grey of his eyes darkened with the storm clouds of emotions. “I’m sorry.” That he hadn’t known to go to the funeral, that he hadn’t known to make her a lantern, that he hadn’t known so much since the fall that had happened to him in the war, such that he spins the wedding ring on his finger with the anxiety that suddenly spikes within him.

// this is the sin that i will confess to release myself
from consequence and everyone can tell //

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"Then let's not waste a second of it," Vai says with a grin; Sunjata might have all the time, but for the witch it's a priceless commodity tonight, and one she intends to covet until the very last moment is spent. Following the Flood to the space she'd indicated, she sits down beside him and spends a second to arrange her skirts, before he's speaking and she can already almost sense the anxiety rolling off him. 

"Sunny, it's okay," she tells him gently, reaching out to hook an arm around him in a hug. "You didn't know. It was back when the war had divided you and Remi and the others, and I know it's taken a long, long time since then to build those bridges back up." Leaning in to kiss his cheek, she gives him a squeeze. "I'm not upset that you didn't know, and you don't need to apologise to me. All I care about is that you're alright."

Vervain

// so now you've done a little wrong and you need to be forgiven,
by the vicar and the company you keep //

She settles in beside him like that comforting presence he hadn’t taken a chance to realize he’d missed so much until she’s right there, alleviating every gnarled root within him that’s been left to fester and twist up. So he leans toward her as she wraps her arm around him, the anxiety of his twisting of the ring slowing down as her words reach him. “It has.” He agrees softly, closing his eyes gently as she presses the kiss to his cheek and he loosens the breath he’d been holding for what felt like ages now.

“I am.. I wasn’t sure if I would be after the war ended but… I am.” He murmurs softly, his gaze flitting back toward her with an almost sheepish smile growing on his face. “Ru and I are engaged.” Which should say a lot, given the drama that had been around way back then. “And I’ve made King’s End a livable space. I rule there now.” He says softly, flashing a small smile.

// this is the sin that i will confess to release myself
from consequence and everyone can tell //

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"Time's a helluva healer though, right?" Vai says, her voice hushed but her smile bright, and she reaches with her free hand to give his fingers a gentle squeeze over his wedding band. "The evidence is all around us." Sunjata and Hotaru together, invited to a party hosted by Remi and Ronin, and with a plethora of friends, both departed and living, to celebrate with them. Nevertheless, Vai lets out a relieved sigh to hear that the Flood is alright, trusting his words and trusting them even more so at his follow up remark.

With a grin she hugs him closer, letting out a delighted laugh. "Of course you are. Congratulations, Sunny. You'll tell Hotaru the same from me?" It's true that, whilst her role in the other woman's life hasn't been insignificant, they'd never really had the chance to bond in the same way as she and Sunjata. Even so, though, Vai wishes them nothing but the best.

"A ruler, a demigod, a fiance, and you still have the gall to be as handsome as you are," she trills, reaching up to playfully pinch his cheek. "I'm so happy for you, Sunjata. You deserve every bit of peace you can get."

Vervain

// so now you've done a little wrong and you need to be forgiven,
by the vicar and the company you keep //

“Yeah.” He agrees softly, squeezing her fingers back once she’s squeezed his. “And accountability and apologies.” He tacks on, tucking his chin slightly — because not only had there been apologies granted his way, he’d spent years making up for his failings too. He’d grown. He’d accepted that things could be better.

She hugs him closer, though, her laugh a delight that scratches against the relief that’s slowly trying to take root within him. And he allows it. “I will. She says hi by the way.” He leans into her a touch more, his smile lopsided and far less bubbly despite the fact that he still feels the pull and tightness in his throat from seeing her.

One that breaks into his accented chuckle as she pinches his cheek, and he playfully rolls his eyes as if he were nothing more than a chastised teenager. “You can thank Frey for that one.” He tilts his head down to let her see as he reaches up with his lightning scarred hand to poke and prod at the multitude of grey in his hair. “I’ve gotten way more grey over the years.” He chuckles before he sighs.

// this is the sin that i will confess to release myself
from consequence and everyone can tell //

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"Mm, that too," Vai agrees, brushing a thumb over the back of his hand - and his wedding band. "He'd be pleased for you, I bet," she almost whispers, not wanting to nudge the moment too far into grief, but needing to say it nevertheless. "You and Hotaru take care of each other the way he'd have wanted you to, yeah?" Letting out a long sigh, Vai sits back just enough to look Sunjata over. 

"Oh, hush," she quips, reaching out to tousle his grey-flecked hair. "You were handsome before Frey got anything to do with you, though I'll admit that you do seem much happier under their wing than you were with Safrin. That probably makes you look younger as well." Winking, Vai gives him a playful nudge. "It makes you look distinguished, if you ask me. Nothing to be ashamed of - I think the term is silver fox, right?"

Vervain

// so now you've done a little wrong and you need to be forgiven,
by the vicar and the company you keep //

Looking at the wedding band as Vai runs her thumb across it, he nods slowly as he considers it. “I like to think so.” He murmurs, not letting himself delve into the grief of Nate, even if it was easier this time. When the pangs of his heart didn’t hurt nearly as much with the reminder of his sharp smiles and quick wit. “We do. Ru was.. actually supposed to marry us the time we got married but she vanished and we couldn’t find her. So… I think it makes sense.” That Nate would understand. And given the fact that Ru never expected him to take off the moon crested wedding band on his finger, it helped immensely for not feeling like a replacement.

This was just a continuation.

She tousles his hair and he ducks his head again with a soft laugh, squinting up at her. “Gods, I really am. Frey is.. Amazing.” He could gush about them to his hearts content, but he knows the time is limited and in lieu of the nudge Vai gives him he winds his arms around her to obnoxiously hug her tight like a teenager might for his mother — given how much Vai had become that maternal figure to him in the past. “Yeah, silver fox. Funnily enough it’s one of the shifts I don’t have.” He laughs lightly, withdrawing with a glint of light in the storms of his eyes.

“I wanted to thank you for everything.” For being there for him, despite so many people that relied on her, especially with all the bullshit he’d gone through in the past. She didn't have to, but she did.

// this is the sin that i will confess to release myself
from consequence and everyone can tell //

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"Oh, is that so?" Vai raises her eyebrows, a spark of quiet amusement dancing in her gaze. "I think it makes sense as well, in that case. You're both just picking back up what was always meant to be." And that sounds like the perfect ribbon to tie a knot and decorate their story. And honestly, she couldn't be happier for Sunjata for managing to carve out a bit of peace for himself after years of so much turbulence. 

Laughing at his free admission about Frey, Vai gives him a sage nod. "Frey is amazing," she agrees. "I only met them a couple of times, especially back when they were still one combined aspect of themselves. But I always found them very helpful." Especially during her pregnancy with Felix; it's been so long now, though, that she imagines they are even more nuanced. 

His sudden, tight hug startles a laugh out of her, the witch winding her arms around Sunjata in return to hold him close, giving him an affectionate squeeze. "Maybe you'll find yourself with a shift like that sooner or later," she quips, peering up at him as he releases her just enough that they can talk again. And though she appreciates his gratitude, of course Vai doesn't need or expect it, and she draws him once more into her embrace.

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Sunny," she tells him earnestly. "You know that. I'd still be doing it, if I were here. I won't lie, though - I'm so glad to see you happy."

Vervain

// so now you've done a little wrong and you need to be forgiven,
by the vicar and the company you keep //

“Feels like it sometimes.” He admits, his smile a touch sheepish but honest as he lets her amusement and happiness bloom in the crevices of his heart that still felt so fractured. Even after all this time. And even still, something warms and soothes within him to hear her agree that Frey was amazing, like he’d finally picked right after so many times of picking wrong. And he knows he’d done it out of his own wellbeing, for himself, but hearing someone else like Vai agree that she liked them too, well… It meant more than he could accurately express.

It's part of the reason the hug grows so tight, feeling her returned squeeze, feeling her squeeze. He relaxes into it gently, the tension bleeding out of his broad shoulders and scarred body. “Maybe.” He agrees with a soft little laugh before it grows quiet, contemplative, lingering in the hug so he can memorize just how tight she squeezes, how she always smelled so nice and comforting, how she was everything he needed when he needed it and he hadn’t had the time to appreciate it before now.

Because like always, he thought they’d have more time.

“You’re good, Vai.” He says softly. Perhaps one of the best good that he’d had the chance of stumbling upon. “And yeah… It’s about time, right?” He pulls away from the hug to give her a slanted smile, eyes a touch red ringed if only for the here and there flare of tears that burn.

// this is the sin that i will confess to release myself
from consequence and everyone can tell //

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"Well, if you do, you be sure to find a way to let me know. I think you'd make quite a good fox, personally." Grinning, Vai lets the silence settle upon them, comfortable and easy, as if to take these few minutes and let them soak into all the spaces where things have been left unfinished or unsaid, to smooth over where the years have left their marks to make space for something new, something better. And when he calls her good, it's with a gentle laugh that she draws back as well, cupping his face in her hands. 

"So are you, Sunny," she whispers, a thumb brushing across his cheek. "You're good, and kind, and I know those are the sorts of things you were taught to be ashamed of, but I hope you're learning to be proud of them. Because I'm proud of them, and I'm proud of you." It is about time he was allowed to breathe and be happy, not just with the love he's found or the space he's made for himself, but with the person he is.

Vervain

// so now you've done a little wrong and you need to be forgiven,
by the vicar and the company you keep //

He doesn’t know if he’ll ever end up with a fox shift, given the zoo that lives under his skin. But if he ever does, the thought of going to Remi and asking him if he can tell Vai he got that fox shift is enough amusement to keep the warmth still sparking under his skin. He does think at least that his and Remi’s relationship has become better, at least. Such that he thinks he might be willing to pass on the message.

Ah, but then there’s the crux. The sinking pit in his stomach that the good is gone because she is gone, and no matter how many things Sunjata tried to do over and over again, he never felt like he was good. He’d done too many terrible things in the past that his soul had been marred black, and no attempt at scrubbing it away had ever left him clean.

Until she holds his head, cups it between her hands, and tells him each and every thing that slowly cleanses him. He swallows hard, unable to hide the silver in his eyes as it swells and the tear spills from his cheek, brushed away by the smooth trajectory of Vai’s thumb. “I’m trying, Vai.” His accented voice is quiet and warbles with the answer, but gods it does seem to fill the cracks within him with comfort. That he wasn’t perfect and it was okay. He was still learning, still trying. “Thank you. For noticing… And being proud of me.”

// this is the sin that i will confess to release myself
from consequence and everyone can tell //

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"All any of us can do is try, Sunny," Vai says with a smile, the words almost whispered as she draws him forward to kiss his forehead, before her arms move back around him in a tight hug. "You're doing great, I promise. So long as you're still trying, still working at it, that's exactly where you're meant to be." She doesn't know if her words will stick - it's so easy to forget when things get rough, and she's all too aware of that - but for right here and right now, Vai can rest easy knowing that Sunjata has heard her.

"Come on," she whispers after a few more moments, kissing the crown of his head and finally peeling herself back to tilt his chin up, as if to nudge him back into a more jovial mood. "Let's go for a walk, and you can tell me all about your plans for your wedding? We'll keep out of earshot of Hotaru, just in case there are any secret surprises you don't want her to know about until the day."

Vervain

// so now you've done a little wrong and you need to be forgiven,
by the vicar and the company you keep //

She’s right. But she usually was and it’s something he forgets more often than not without having her around anymore to remind him. At least he has this, though, and it soothes all those fears that he’s done such a good job at keeping buried. She hugs him and he hugs her back in the right what if I didn’t ever let go kind of way even though he will.

“Yeah,” he admits in a wet sigh, a sniffle after to try and reign in everything, and when he finally thinks he has it under control he makes the quiet promise to do exactly that. To keep trying even if it becomes hard.

She kisses his forehead again and tilts his chin up and he looks at her with a soft adoration and appreciation, underlined with so much gratitude. “That sounds great, Vai.” Finally pulling himself from the embrace and offering his arm to help her up so they can walk, he begins to tell her all about the little secrets he’s put into the wedding.

- FIN

// this is the sin that i will confess to release myself
from consequence and everyone can tell //

SUNJATA