(SE) tell me you're scared, I'll tell you the same things

/// when we crawled out of the ocean

It had been… A very long day. And with it, his emotions had ran high for most of it, between battling his dragon shift to let Melita out of his sight, to ensuring that Hotaru remained okay. He hadn’t even stuck around that long to watch the rest of it, sure that he’d hear about it. No, because there’s something else in his mind as he keeps his arm draped around Hotaru’s shoulders, wings tucked in tight but still the leather of the dragon, as he guides them up the stairs of an inn to a room not unlike where they’d professed their swallowed down feelings for one another what felt like forever ago.

“Can we talk?” He asks quietly, knowing it’s vague, trying to smooth it over by the soft smile he offers her way as he releases her to open the door, shifting his bag of holding into his other hand, letting the Valkyrie step in first before following after her, setting the bag on the bed. “It’s been a long day.” He tries to supplement any panic, because he can’t say that it isn’t anything to worry about, given the stress they’d both dealt with today.

But it was going to give her a rollercoaster of emotions, one that’s had him carefully keep the thrumming protectiveness through the bond mostly to himself, for fear of its sharp edges cutting her.

the flood

nothing was good and everything was in between ///

HOTARU

Drained all over in a way that healing waters cannot fix, Hotaru steps through the entryway of their room for the night and feels the weight of masks and social niceties fall away from her shoulders all at once. Keeping it together had been easier with Sunjata at her side, with his wings to shield them and their combined ostracization making it easy to sit away from the crowds, but she still feels hollowed out and raw. Tonight she knows she'll dream of the sand and ice on Seren's long limbs turning into Enzo's, or Melita's crumpled figure and still chest, or both. But right now things are okay. Nothing had been lost forever, and Sunjata is still at her side. It's all Hotaru could have hoped for.

It's also why her heart stutters when he utters those dreaded words, and she knows with how she'd just dropped everything away moments before that when she looks up at him there are no shields to hide the flicker of fear in her expression. His smile is what keeps her grounded and helps muffle the sudden clamor of uncertainty in her head. Trust him. He has given her every reason to trust in him all over again and it won't waver now. It has been a long day, it could just as easily be a need for decompression that he's hoping for.

"Of course. Always," she assures, because at least about this she can be certain. Sitting on the bed next to the bag he'd set down, Hotaru looks up at him, making it clear with her body language that she trusts him enough to be at an otherwise disadvantage physically during this conversation. Her smile is a little lopsided, imperfect only around him, as she laughs a touch nervously. "Though I'm sure you know those are the dreaded words, so..." Hotaru extends a hand, unable to ask for physical reassurance directly but needing it to keep herself from worrying.

Pull you in, but don't you get too close
Love you now, but not tomorrow

/// when we crawled out of the ocean

They absolutely are the dreaded words, and the Flood knows this despite how much he doesn’t want to utter the conversation this way. They’re both fried, the masks are off, and as his side of the bond has been nothing but white noise, he can see the way the fear flickers through her face, and he knows what kind of traumas he’s caused in the past to make it linger through her mind with the utter of those three words.

However, she approaches and sits on the bed right next to the bag of holding, and with the hand offered out, Sunjata reaches for it already to share his warmth, splitting open the Attuned bond with her to offer all of his love and devotion toward her, in the hopes it might alleviate the fear that lingers. “I know, I’m sorry. There are two things... But first, the most important one.” He lifts her hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss there, and he kneels, down on one knee – not exactly a proposal and not not one either with the weight of it.

The ring comes later, of course, plans already in motion for that – but this was something she needed now and it was far better than a ring in this present moment.

Luckily, the bed is short enough, though, that his free hand can dive into the bag of holding, and he knows exactly what he’s feeling for as he searches. “I completed the shrine in King’s End and spoke with Frey.” He starts to say, knowing that it should hopefully alleviate the initial gut discomfort. “And I have a gift for you, with their help.” And Hotaru’s from when she’d demiid, not quite realizing it would be a real thing in the moment, he’s sure. But as it stands, the Flood procures the ball of glowing light, a shape of his heart, pulsing lightly with his name etched into the sides of the magical organ.

He offers it up for her, steel gaze scanning her face as he tries to read what she’s thinking – knowing it’ll be easier with the disappearance of masks within this room. “My heart is yours, Ru.” He doesn’t need to add that he hopes she keeps it safe, because he knows that she will.

the flood

nothing was good and everything was in between ///

HOTARU

The frayed white noise of his side of the bond cracks in two, and the swell of his love drains the tension from her face. It could be considered a crutch she's sure, but they understand one another better for their shared natures now, for this bond that speaks for them in ways they are still learning to verbalize. As he presses a kiss to her hand she can't help but smile past the lingering nerves. At least until he kneels. And, well, it's normal to feel your heart stagger and skip when the man you love goes down on one knee, even though Hotaru doubts he'd propose here and now.

Right?

The mention of Frey should inspire greater worry given their history with visiting gods and returning with news. It's telling of Hotaru's faith in Frey - and reestablished trust in Sunjata - that it does not. She also doesn't think a demigod-baby would be secreted away beneath the bed so that takes one nuclear-level option off the table.

Half-hysteric humor fades away as Sunjata presents her with a softly glowing item. At first she thinks it's an orb of some sort, but as her free hand comes up to tentatively touch it, she realizes it's a heart. A human heart. Her own stutters in her chest as her eyes widen, breath catching. She'll never forget the day she became a demigod, and that includes the words she'd spoken to Frey. Had they really - ?

Her own expression is cracked wide when she lifts her face to meet his eyes; hopeful, disbelieving, overwhelmed. "It's all I've ever wanted," she murmurs, voice thick and choking her. It falls off her tongue without forethought in a transparent conveyance of her sincerest reaction. Her hand in Sunjata's tightens, fingers trembling in the same way her lips do as her eyes go glassy. "It's truly...?" She can't finish, throat clicking as she swallows. Her hand wraps around his softly glowing heart as she leans forward to press her forehead against his, aching all over with how deeply she loves him in this moment.

Pull you in, but don't you get too close
Love you now, but not tomorrow

/// when we crawled out of the ocean

Luckily for them, the threat of a child between he and Frey is the most unlikely – given the fact that there was nothing manipulative or coy about Frey’s motivations. As far as Sunjata understood, Frey was understanding and flexible – which made sense, given their status as the sides of nature. Adapt, grow, expand, become. Never manipulation, gaslighting, lying, to get one’s way.

So, with no child to drop in Hotaru’s eyes from a shitty made deal, Sunjata instead offers her what she’d asked for from their shared god, and his lips quirk into a gentle smile to see the reaction and feel the stillness in her side of the bond as the realization occurs. She turns the glowing ball in her hands back and forth and Sunjata lets her take as many moments as she needs, before her dual toned gaze meets his open steel, the smile still toying on his lips. “Yes.” He says, squeezing her hand back, huffing a soft little laugh. “Frey took it out of me and asked if I were willing to agree and sign it. I said yes.” Because even now he still thinks perhaps it would have saved him so much heartache.

It would have saved them so much heartache.

Her forehead meets his and he leans into it like a cat receiving affection, his hand lifting to brush through golden hair to cup the back of her head gently, breathing in her scent as his eyes close. “So it's yours. And it's imbued with everything to keep me from straying from your golden light.” He murmurs softly, before he pulls away, pressing his lips to her forehead in a soft little kiss. “Which, I think right now is the most important thing for us.” Because of the second half of the conversation, but he doesn’t want to sour it immediately with that thought for her, even if he feels particularly fine.

the flood

nothing was good and everything was in between ///

HOTARU

Hotaru should have known that Frey could see to the heart of her and know that every word she spoke was so much more than metaphorical. It's not something she could have ever anticipated could be done, but that's what she gets for doubting the power of her herald. And if there was any doubt left, wondering if Sunjata would have agreed, well - it's clear she doesn't need to worry, not anymore.

As his hand threads through her hair to cup the back of her head she leans into it, certain it's the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth right now. Her surprise is like a rain shower through the golden euphoria in the bond. An enchantment to ensure he can't stray? Her eyes are wide as he kisses her brow, and her hand flexes around his fingers. "You're sure?" It's scarcely a whisper, and she wouldn't be surprised if her mouth forms the words but they come from the heart to reach him through the bond instead. It's a level of commitment she can scarcely comprehend. Surely Frey can reverse it if they could enact it, but loopholes hardly matter when the only thing that could take his heart from her is for her to break it in her own hands now.

She's done it once. She can't pretend it isn't possible. But she won't let it happen - never again.

"Would you want mine?" It's an open offer, and she pulls away enough to look into his eyes even though his soul is bare to her in ways the eyes can't replicate. "Though it has always been yours." Straying has never been a concern. Even so, this is a commitment to a level that supersedes even marriage (and he would hear the half-formed thought of that in the bond, flustered and darting as if she can't look at it straight on even in her own head). Hotaru isn't afraid to offer him the same. "But I hear something else you're wanting to tell me too. What is it, hart konig?" With his heart cradled in one hand, pressing it up against her chest as if she could store it inside beside her own, there is surely nothing he can tell her that she can't withstand now.

Pull you in, but don't you get too close
Love you now, but not tomorrow

/// when we crawled out of the ocean

“If I wasn’t sure, liefde, I wouldn’t have agreed to it.” He murmurs softly, lips pressing softly against her forehead before he withdraws slightly, her hand flexing around his fingers as he indulges within the sunlit showers of their shared bond, the happiness she provides within them. As she withdraws, Sunjata’s steel gaze is soft as it finds her dual toned ones, his smile soft and tender and crooked when she asks if he would want hers. “It’s never been a problem for you in the past.” He says, lifting her hand to his lips, to the edge of his stubbled cheek to press against there.

Not to mention, he could keep her safe, but for how long given the situation that he’s in currently – one that she brings up, while the glowing remnants of his heart with his signature inscribed within sits against her chest.

He takes a steadying breath and pulses all his love and adoration through the bond as he focuses on her face. “I think it’s really important that Frey gave us this option, because they uh… Also found out that I am ”evolving”.” His freehand lifts to add the air quotes around, wincing slightly. “Their words, not mine.” He clarifies, before he exhales a sigh and looks away from her, down to the heart pressed against her chest. “I have the void in me..? But I feel fine. And Frey said so long as I felt fine that it was nothing to worry about. So… Needless to say, I figure given the current state of things, someone will find out and try to make it a terrible thing for us, so you are the first to know aside from Frey. And Frey is not concerned about it so far.” His head tilts a little as he looks back up toward her, as if a hint ashamed (unsure how it had even happened, but that it was here to stay within him so it seemed).

the flood

nothing was good and everything was in between ///

HOTARU

The small smile that blooms from the gentle kiss he lays upon her brow softens at the compliment he pays her. It's true that devotion has never been a problem for Hotaru. Though she is exceedingly particular with who is worthy of it, love and fealty have always been all-or-nothing for her. Aside from broken-hearted hookups she hadn't even dated until, ironically, just before they made amends. Ru wants to tell him that she hasn't feared his heart straying since that moment but the gift is already in her hands. Something so precious can't possibly be diminished, even if it would be to praise him for the ways he has grown since the war.

"No," she agrees, and her eyes can't even dream of leaving his. Her knuckles shift gently against his stubbled cheek in a mindless act of adoration. "It has always been yours." Since that day in the Wildwood, she suspects, though she hadn't known it at the time.

His love is like the ocean's waves washing over her, and she knows it must be intentional with how he steels himself. A touchstone for her to hold onto as he shares the rest in one fell swoop; and if it rocks her, at least she has his heart to cling to, still pressed tightly to her chest. It takes a long few moments of consideration before she feels ready to speak. Certain he will wait patiently given how they have bled endlessly to learn these clearer avenues of communication. "If Frey is not concerned, then my own worries...well, they won't disappear, but I trust them." More than anything, come hell or high water. Even with this. No matter how daunting it is to trust them when it comes to this man she loves so dearly. "Rae healed Flora though. I'm not sure why they would change their mind on whether it's a threat or not, unless they know something more...?" Her expression communicates the helplessness of their collective lack of information. Is it something to do with Sunjata himself? Perhaps because he's a demigod and Flora is not?

"But I have your heart. I have you. Nobody else can have you that way, not even the Family." And maybe that will be all that matters. Maybe it will ensure that wherever this threat - or evolution - takes them, they'll be hand-in-hand at the end of it this time around.

Pull you in, but don't you get too close
Love you now, but not tomorrow

/// when we crawled out of the ocean

He tilts his head into her touch like she’s the first bout of sunshine to a sunstarved flower, letting the warmth and pulse of his love hit her wave after wave when he announces the part he’s been dreading to bring up – but knows that he has to before the potential of someone else finding out. And while it doesn’t work to alleviate all of the fear, it does give her a spot to hold onto, to not get wrapped up and pulled asunder with it, and when she speaks he nods – letting his steel gaze focus on her with such an intensity that he hadn’t even known he would be capable of with such vulnerability. Perhaps that’s the void. Perhaps it’s the trust in their relationship. He doesn’t know.

What he does know is that he loves her. And he exhales a low and slow sigh as uncertainty flares within him briefly. “Maybe it was because she was injured? I’m completely fine.” She’s seen his body, seen that every inch of him was intact. Just… Purple on the inside. He thinks a little harder on what Frey had said exactly, and summarizes it the best that he can. “They said that the Family are predators that want to take over, but that’s how nature works. Either fight, evolve, submit, or die. They’ve decided mine is the evolution.” He surmises the best he can, even if it’s clunky and from memory which everyone knows is not great, coming from him. But it’s still a start.

He works his jaw a little despite it, and surges up to catch her lips in a desperately needed kiss, pressing up enough to pin the heart between both of their chests. “That’s why I wanted to give it to you as soon as I could.” Just in case.

He wanted to be safe instead of sorry. Again.

the flood

nothing was good and everything was in between ///

HOTARU

It is all theory and conjecture, and Hotaru hates that. She trusts Frey implicitly, but it still rankles and burns to be left adrift with only her uncertainties to keep her company. Though she follows Frey's sexual component more closely, she can't deny the environmental component he brings up, and she concedes with a soft hum that is slightly troubled but otherwise noncommittal. "It leaves you at an advantage if they're right." Evolution is the only clear path to survival and that's all that matters to the Valkyrie is his continued existence. It's a cold comfort, but comfort nonetheless.

She meets his kiss with the same fervor bordering on desperation. She has to remind herself this isn't the same as a goodbye, or any of the gestures that people had taken in the hours before the dawn of war. It's hard not to fall into those habits when they are both so used to loss. "We'll get through it together, no matter what comes," she whispers against his mouth as she leans down to kiss him again. Inhaling slowly, she chases away the lingering sense of doom and her jaw feathers with reinforced focus. "What should I expect? Any changes I need to be aware of?" Anything less vague than being purple? If it's anything outward, she needs to be prepared to defend him or distract people away from anything emergent or concerning.

Pull you in, but don't you get too close
Love you now, but not tomorrow

/// when we crawled out of the ocean

It is entirely theory and conjecture, and Sunjata might be worried about that if it weren’t for the calm and relatively collected sensation his heart harbors. He feels fine, so surely that’s good enough, right? He hadn’t even known that he was infected. Yet here he is, walking and mingling and doing everything perfectly normal. “It does. Provided it does anything.” Sunjata shrugs lightly – not that he can even consider doing something against the Family or Dahlia in particular. The thought leaves him uncomfortable, a black streak burning in his stomach as he thinks about it.

Shaking out of it to give into the kiss and allowing her desperation for what it is (because wow holy shit, what a ball to drop on someone), he pulses with so much more love and admiration for her, his scars thrumming with a light hue that nearly matches his heartbeat with how they pulse. “We will, liefde.” He vows, because they have to, right? He’s immortal and she will be at some point and that’s all he can ask for. Safety in knowing that she would be okay.

Because he certainly could not do it again. Nor does he think she could if the opposite were to occur. But those thoughts dampen the mood and he presses into the kiss softer this time, shifting to sit up on the bed and pull her in against his tattooed and scarred body. “I think whether or not I start feeling bad? Sick or aggressive, perhaps?” His nose scrunches with the thought and the sigh that escapes him. “I haven’t changed like the creatures have in terms of violence, so…” His head tilts a little to press against her crown, before he reluctantly releases her to tug off his shoes.

the flood

nothing was good and everything was in between ///

HOTARU

Her free hand comes to cup the back of his neck, thumb gently tracing the line of his carotid and the pulse she can feel below the skin. "Acting on too little information is always risky. Right now we're safe - we have time to see if anything changes." And though she won't speak it, afraid it might invite some loophole to cinch around their necks, Hotaru prays that his immortality would be enough to protect him even if this infection does take a turn for the worst. If only she knew they are so in sync in that moment, but his soft, accented voice is like warm wool around every sense and anxiety - cocooning her and muffling the overwhelm of the world beyond.

As he removes his shoes, Hotaru slides herself backward further into the bed, one hand still cradling his heart against her chest as she makes room for him to lay down beside her. It has been a trying day and all she wants is to entangle her body with his and reclaim that piece of stability she always feels when she's alone with him. "I'll keep a journal and keep it at home. That way we can both add to it and have access to it at any time - just in case." Just in case something happens to her, and he doesn't notice the changes in himself, or he changes faster than she can intervene and it will be the only record of warnings for other infected individuals.

But with his heart quite literally beating next to hers, Hotaru finds she doesn't want to linger on this anymore. Frey's hands hover protectively over the both of them, and Hotaru is no stranger to standing in silent, unknown opposition to her fellows. They will keep this to themselves. They will figure this out together. The way they've always been strongest. And frankly Ru will largely only concern herself with how this impacts Sunjata; the infection at large has more than enough valiant heroes already actively battling it. Hotaru is not that selfless. "Let's leave it at that for now. I want to just be us for a while." Not demigods, or conscripted champions, or void secret-keepers. Just Hotaru and Sunjata.

Pull you in, but don't you get too close
Love you now, but not tomorrow

/// when we crawled out of the ocean

“We do.” Sunjata agrees softly, knowing that she would likely be able to manage it for the House of Midnight as well – a sign from anyone whether or not his mood changes or shifts in ways that neither of them can notice or be there to see. It’s all he can ask for – even if the uncertainty weighs heavily on his chest.

Removing his shoes easily, though, and proceeding to slip out of the rest of his clothes, Sunjata slips back onto the bed beside her, pulling up the blanket to encase them (and his heart) in the warmth it brings from their bodies and Torchline’s residual, tropical heat. “Yeah, that sounds perfect.” He murmurs, flashing her a crooked smile due to the scar on his face, leaning in to press his lips gently to her forehead in response.

Nodding shortly after with her request, though, the Flood nuzzles in again and pulls her a little bit closer, keeping her pressed up against him with his heart between them, still cradled in her arms. “I just wanted you to know.” He says softly like an apology he knows he doesn’t need to share, but the weary sentiment between them through the bond proves the point just as well. He also craves a night of just them, without meetings and sicknesses and infections to drive that wedge between them. “I love you, Ru.” Murmuring softly, Sunjata’s arms tighten around her, brushing back her blonde hair, content to cradle and hold her until her exhaustion takes her to sleep first before he fully intends to follow.

- FIN <333

the flood

nothing was good and everything was in between ///