Kaisel
Haters on my back like a backpack
It’s no easy feat, being comfortable in your own skin. There’s too many opportunities where something’s gone wrong because of your actions, or where something could have gone better when you reflect back on it. That leads to assumptions about other occasions, which would be bad enough on its own if not for the fact that other people also lie. They either blame you in a chance to inflict hurt, or their reassurances feel hollowed out, trust eroded by too many other past experiences that have taught you better. It can easily become a bundle of self-blame and doubt, until you’re suddenly your worst hater.
It’s why you cherish the people that make you feel safe, especially friends or partners, because they choose to be with you. Anyone you can be yourself with, is a rare and beautiful person, and often that starts with treating yourself the same way. Kaisel’s no stranger to these feelings, having battled variants of them often as a kid, even with a supportive family. He felt pressure to be different from who he is. More serious, more capable, more…perfect. It’s part of what drives him to always train, to improve, to be good enough, although he can’t ever really define what enough is.
He’s long since found that he has to embrace something, anything, about himself as good in order to crawl back from the maw of hatred that could swallow him up instead. He does his best to ignore it, to hide it, trying not to feed the monster that could sink its teeth in him easily. It’s also why he likes to make others happy, because he knows everyone carries some of it too, and there’s enough out there making the world shitty without him adding any more to it, at least where he can manage it.
He tilts his head back, listening with a faint smile as she explains while she settles down next to him. ”I bet Flora would go with you. Me too, if you wanted. I haven’t set foot there yet.” Hasn’t really wanted to see anything that once belonged to the Family, but he couldn’t ignore it all forever.
Glancing over at her, he nods, boyish smile returning the sentiment with enthusiasm. ”You’re all still there Soh, just sometimes we get a bit buried by life.” That’s why friends are important, because you can get trapped in the rubble if you aren’t careful, but they can help you out. ”C’mon,” he says brightly, offering a pivot away from dwelling too heavily on problems. She would not solve them all in one day, and it seems she’s got enough of a crack opened up to explore this new path steadily. ”I’m gonna make some sandwiches, wanna help? I’m guessing Flora will be home soon for lunch too.”
[FIN]
It’s why you cherish the people that make you feel safe, especially friends or partners, because they choose to be with you. Anyone you can be yourself with, is a rare and beautiful person, and often that starts with treating yourself the same way. Kaisel’s no stranger to these feelings, having battled variants of them often as a kid, even with a supportive family. He felt pressure to be different from who he is. More serious, more capable, more…perfect. It’s part of what drives him to always train, to improve, to be good enough, although he can’t ever really define what enough is.
He’s long since found that he has to embrace something, anything, about himself as good in order to crawl back from the maw of hatred that could swallow him up instead. He does his best to ignore it, to hide it, trying not to feed the monster that could sink its teeth in him easily. It’s also why he likes to make others happy, because he knows everyone carries some of it too, and there’s enough out there making the world shitty without him adding any more to it, at least where he can manage it.
He tilts his head back, listening with a faint smile as she explains while she settles down next to him. ”I bet Flora would go with you. Me too, if you wanted. I haven’t set foot there yet.” Hasn’t really wanted to see anything that once belonged to the Family, but he couldn’t ignore it all forever.
Glancing over at her, he nods, boyish smile returning the sentiment with enthusiasm. ”You’re all still there Soh, just sometimes we get a bit buried by life.” That’s why friends are important, because you can get trapped in the rubble if you aren’t careful, but they can help you out. ”C’mon,” he says brightly, offering a pivot away from dwelling too heavily on problems. She would not solve them all in one day, and it seems she’s got enough of a crack opened up to explore this new path steadily. ”I’m gonna make some sandwiches, wanna help? I’m guessing Flora will be home soon for lunch too.”
[FIN]
Blowin' up I'm fucking flawless
Wearing a watery blue, faded and stretched-out sparkling hair tie on his left wrist
