Adam was in a bad mood, to put it lightly.
It had already kind of sucked, coming back to life: sure, he was alive, but he couldn't drink or fuck, couldn't go out during the day unless he made sure to stick to every shadow (he'd never been that kind of rogue - Adam wanted the world to see his handsome cunning face) and had to go to a Shrine or drink out of some weird pervert's wrists every couple of weeks.
And now, he'd had to leave his beloved Torchline for the dump that was the Grounds, all because of the two fangs in his mouth.
The heavy boots he wore sending loud thuds around the hall of the Atheneum, he headed to the shelf where he'd been told a shrine was set up, though Adam's intentions were far from quiet reverence.
[say]"Look-"[/say] He said as he got close, holding up a hand to punctuate the word. [say]"I know you're probably just going to fucking ignore me like you did all the other times I've tried to talk to you. And that's fine, whatever, I don't even know if you're listening, but I've got stuff to say."[/say]
Planted firmly in front of the shrine now, staring at it as if it might stare back, he began, speaking loudly enough that anyone else ensconced within the shelves would hear: [say]"Why do you make being an Ascended suck so much ass? All I want to do is get drunk and have sex. Those are like, parts of living. But you don't let us, cos I guess it's not calculating or pure enough or whatever, so instead I'm just bored and depressed and I can't even go for a fucking daytime walk without worrying about being fried-"[/say] He was losing his point. Adam stopped, sighed, and only continued after a moment's pause.
[say]"...I hate this. I hate this war, I hate having to be involved in it. I hate what all this has done to my body. I feel like a fucking ghost. And I know I agreed to it, but..I didn't know then how bad it would feel, and I don't get why you've made it that way."[/say] The aggression he'd started with going as quickly as it had appeared, Adam simply stood before the shrine looking dejected.
[say]"My. Tell me how you really feel, bright one."[/say] The shrine does stare back, in fact, and Adam will notice as much just as the static crackles to life within it, projecting out so the Voice can appear in a hologram. [say]"Is it that being Ascended is such a wretched thing? Or is it merely not something you would have chosen for yourself?"[/say] Raising her eyebrows, the goddess seems somehow larger than in the moment. It is unclear how his tirade on the shrine has been taken, and that is perhaps more dangerous than anything at present.
[say]"Because as you say, you did choose it for yourself. You were not lied to or coerced. You were offered a choice, one that you willingly accepted before following Aamu back here."[/say] His regret is not her problem. His anger belongs to no one but himself.
She is not without feeling, however, tilting her head at him. [say]"What would you have me do?"[/say] she asks, fully expecting the impossible to spill from his lips.
[say]"Gwaaah!"[/say] Adam half-yelled, half-squeaked as he jumped back and into the bookshelf behind him, hands up in a defensive position as if expecting an attack from the sudden hologram. [say]"Holy shit, I was beginning to think you were never gonna talk to me."[/say] Once his initial shock was over he leaned forward a little ,squinting as he inspected the Voice - she certainly looked younger than he'd expected.
He knew that he'd chosen this; that was half the problem. He couldn't really be mad at anyone else about it, but Adam had never been good at genuine self reflection.
What could the Voice do about it? He opened his mouth then closed it again without any sound leaving, his arms flopping uselessly by his sides. It wasn't until he'd had a moment to think that he said, quietly: [say]"I just wanna be able to drink and kiss Pet and feel something when I do it. That's like, half the point of living, isn't it? Feeling things? Why'd you take it away? I feel like a fucking ghost."[/say] Rubbing his mouth as he looked off to the side, when Adam's eyes met the Voice's, he was sure as he said: [say]"I'd do pretty much anything for the cause or whatever. I'll be honest, I don't care all that much, but give me back some fucking feeling and I'll do whatever New God shit you need."[/say]
[say]"I was unaware that I owed you an explanation. Or an audience,"[/say] the Voice murmurs softly. [say]"I will say it again, bright one - you chose this. All of it. If any of it was unpalatable to you, the option to remain with Mort was always available. Do not throw a tantrum at my shrine because of your own regrets."[/say] For you do not know what regret is, not yet.
I don't care that much, he says. I'll do whatever New God shit you need, he says. The Voice tilts her head, as if wondering whether it is possible to be less disingenuous. [say]"There is a room created by Frey in the Hollowed Grounds for such things, is there not?"[/say] she says. [say]"If you are here to look for a loophole, there is none to give you. Either you can live with that, or you cannot."[/say]
Feeling like a kid dragged into the headmaster's office, Adam kicked at the ground, now quite embarrassed about all of it. Of course the Gods didn't give a fuck; why would they? He might have had an inflated ego, but even Adam knew his boner wasn't a matter of cosmic importance. At the mention of the room he nodded, holding back the argument about half the enjoyment of sex being the spontaneity with which it could occur.
[say]"...I..I don't want to die again. I can't do that to Pet. I just...I need some kinda purpose, I guess. Before I was all about doing everything I could to have a good time. Y'know, fucking and drinking and...all of that. Now..."[/say] He shrugged. [say]"Now I'm just kinda here. I've tried to talk to people, but a lot of them are just really fucking determined to hate us. I don't think I'm much of a soldier. I guess I was just hoping you could...I dunno. Just...you brought me back. What do you want me back here for? 'Cos yeah, I chose it, but you still did it, right?"[/say] He looked up at the shrine again, but his eyes were less demanding and more pleading.
She watches him all but deflate in on himself, much like the wilting erections he missed so badly. But when he speaks, it is no longer with the fiery demands of the ignorant, and the Voice listens quietly until he's finished. [say]"Those who do not understand us are much more outspoken in their views these days,"[/say] she agrees.
[say]"You may not be a soldier, but you weren't without purpose."[/say] Tilting her head, she looks him up and down. [say]"You still have talents that can be utilised to help not only yourself, but your Ascended siblings."[/say] A glorified thief with a silver tongue Adam might have been, but the Voice has worked with worse. (I was going to make a joke about Sam, but he's doing pretty good these days).
[say]"You dislike killing. Is that right?"[/say]
[say]"That's one way to put it. I don't get their fucking problem."[/say] Adam said with a heavy frown, shaking his head as he thought back to his beachside conversation with Arialla, how insistent she had been that despite all the evidence, despite his love and personality and voice and dreams, he had no soul. That he wasn't real.
Normally, were Adam told that he had talents, he'd grin and toss his hair back and agree that of course he did. This time, he glanced up at the Goddess as if asking if she really meant it, only finding his voice when she asked her question. [say]"Uh...yeah, if I can avoid it. Pet's more the murdery type. I tend to just kinda..y'know, get people out of the way, but not in a permanent way. Not if I don't have to."[/say] His hands weren't clean, but they were a lot less bloody than they could have been.
Humming out a sigh, the Voice considers Adam before her for a few moments, as if trying to decide whether the sassy youth was worth her investment after his cutting remarks and his tantrums. But ultimately - and count yourself lucky, Adam - he's fallen short of an actual insult, and so she relents. [say]"Alright, let's see what we can do,"[/say] she says. [say]"You might not be a fighter, but that doesn't mean you can't be helpful."[/say]
The Voice has given Adam a quest!
He must:
1. Complete a thread collecting Veil Fungus.
2. Complete a thread collecting some Tangleweed.
3. Complee a thread collecting pollen from a Gilded Lily.
4. Complete a training thread with a fellow Ascended.
Bring all collected items with you once the quest is complete!
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