[RQ] In the beginning there was darkness

when I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer

"Don't worry." Charlie said softly. "It isn't meant to last." Not the painted lips, not the sigils. All would be destroyed in a wonderful display of worship soon enough.

"Perfect." The ancient praised. "Exactly like that." Her encouragement was ripe in her smile, in the fullness of her cheeks and the way her eyes sparkled with the shapes slowly appearing on her skin.

"Next, is entirely unknown." Reaching for one of the larger daggers, Charlie held it out for Maea. Though every part of the ancient itched to simply tear into the sow as she was, to bury herself inside of her ribcage and writhe around that she might be born anew, there were things worth waiting for. "As soon as you slit her throat, I'll place the urn. Then we eat. Only once we are completely satisfied will we move on."

.

Maea

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb

With the worst part over - or so she thought - the white-haired girl actually relaxed a bit. The heft of the knife on her palm was far more familiar than anything else so far, and she flipped it expertly in her hand to get a feel for the weight. Testing the edge she found it sharp; that was good. That would make the cut easier to place.

"I'll change, once we feast," she decided, finding it best to announce it so that the sudden appearance of a tiger wouldn't cause a stumble in the proceedings. "When you're ready..."
Making sure that the woman was situated well with the urn, Maea placed a red-stained hand on the sow's shoulder to steady herself. She took a deep breath, placed the knife against the thick neck... and cut a deep, long gash into the animal's throat. The pained squeal was cut short, a moment of struggle against the binding and the dread soon faded as crimson spilled from the wound.

Moving out of the way, Maea put the knife down with trembling hands. Hunger... she was so fucking hungry. Could they eat now? Was it finally alright to put an end to the awful emptiness within?

And I remember thinking — I want to be like them

when I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer

"If you like." Charlie agrees, her blue eyes shining with approval as Maea not only took hold of the blade, but measured the weight of it herself before plunging it into the sow.

Sliding back, Charlie moved toward the front of the cow before placing the urn under her neck. Whispering a few archaic words, likely of praise and appreciation, she looked up and nodded to Maea. No sooner had had her silvery-counterpart slid the knife through, than Charlie's expression changed. Though she didn't appear hostile by any means, certainly there was a predatory power in her movements that the blonde hadn't possessed moments before. Pressing the urn beneath the sow's throat, Charlie looked towards Maea with dark eyes, before realizing that she was likely waiting for approval before diving in.

"Whatever you want to do next, do it." Charlie encourages; if that was to flay the sow from tip to tail, so be it. If she wanted to shred it with her claws, that too was perfect. For Charlie's part, she contorted and shrunk, slipping into the sow's mouth as a lava wyrm to devour her from the inside out.

.

Maea

And I only needed one more touch
Another taste of devouring rush

Whatever she wanted? Ah, but wasn't that a bit too much freedom to afford someone who barely knew whether to get out of bed in the morning. At least there wasn't much to choose between here. If it meant blood on the tongue, that was good enough. No need to get elaborate.

Shifting, the white tiger set upon the sacrifice like she'd never eaten before. Getting through the thick hide with tooth and claw, she lost herself in the meal, the relief of giving in to the hunger second to the reprieve from her worries about what she was eating. Having a choice in the matter only worked while she was in possession of her own senses. The idea of losing those... it did not bear thinking.
Much munching and chewing and licking later, the tigress flopped to the ground. Gorged and thoroughly sated, there was an urge to begin cleaning herself off. She hesitated though, and looked over a shoulder for a sign of the wyrm within the carcass. Did she have to change back? In this form the blood soaking through her fur was not unpleasant. Merely a dessert after a grand feast.

But the room was so quiet
Whose side am I on?

Base by Skylark, Art by Midjourney

when I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer

Careful of the claws and teeth scoring through the sow's body, Charlie devoured the beast from the inside. Slithering down her throat and curling around her vertebrae, the wyrm ate nearly her entire (present) body weight in flesh before she found herself growing pleasantly sluggish. Aware that Maea had pulled away at some point, Charlie slithered through the vast opening the tigress had opened in the sow, and shifted back right then and there. Instantly the white of her gown began to soak up the blood, catching bitches of viscera and splinters of bone to create wholly random and chaotic patterns on the cloth.

All of Maea's delicate work was gone, such was the gore covering the blonde's entire body. With a fanged and lazy grin, Charlie looked at the tiger with approval as she stretched her arms over her head. "You can stay shifted, if you want, or not. It's whatever you want. Whatever feels good." She says before rising and moving towards the urn of blood.

"This part is about cleansing ourselves through blood. It also acts as a lubricant for any sexual aspects you might want to include, but that's entirely up to you. I always like to orgasm at least once during my worship. What better example is there of what Dygra is, than how just a few movements of the body can lead to such a vast feeling of pleasure?" Smiling, Charlie dipped one hand into the urn before lifting it and letting the blood drip down her arm. It was sleek and hot, coating her like a second skin in a way that had shivers racing down her spine despite the ring of fire around them.

.

Maea

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb

The tiger stiffened. Shifting back to the dark-clad woman, Maea pushed herself up to sit. Blood clung to her face and hands, soaking through the velvet at her wrists until her skin was as red as the lining of the skirts that pooled around her. She painted a pretty picture, but the expression on her face couldn't hide the depth of her discomfort.

"I'd... rather not be part of that," she told the woman, hot in the face and not quite able to look at her. "Sorry. So far it's been interesting. I just... don't do the pleasure thing." Not her own, and certainly not someone else's. Rising to her feet she wiped at the blood on her face and turned to leave the circle of fire. She would remove herself, and let the priestess carry on with whatever she wished.

And I remember thinking — I want to be like them

when I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer

Indeed she did paint a pretty picture; it was a shame the girl seemed so averse to Charlie's touch, as the golden ancient would have quite liked to massage the blood into her silvery counterpart's skin.

"No apology needed. You can always stay and watch if you prefer." Some liked that instead, not that Charlie ever minded. However as the other girl rose to leave, Charlie frowned for a moment before nodding. "Sexual pleasure, you mean?" She wondered because the girl had seemingly enjoyed herself while she'd been eating. "If that's really what you want." Not a taunt or a jab, but merely the same incantation she'd woven throughout the entirety of this process. By the same token, Charlie wouldn't deny herself.

"Would you like to feel the blood, before you go? We are more than just our hunger, just as she was more than just her flesh."

.

Maea

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb

Hesitating, Maea hovered on the edge of the smoldering embers. Plucking a piece of hair from her cheek, she watched how it glistened ruby red in the flickering light.
"No. Well... I don't know. It's just... such a private thing. Why should I give that to someone I don't know? I'm sure you're a nice person, but since we don't know each other it wouldn't mean anything, it would just be throwing my neck out for nothing. How am I to know that you won't mock me for my weaknesses the moment I do something you dislike?"

Frowning, she looked back at the woman whose name she didn't even know. Asking now might be taken for an invite, or a concession. But... for some reason her feet wasn't carrying her off just yet. Maybe it was just curiosity, wanting to hear the answer.

Maybe she hoped someone would tell her that she was wrong to Think the way she did.

And I remember thinking — I want to be like them

when I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer

"It only needs to be a private thing if that's what brings you the most pleasure. And if it does, then that's all I want for you." The blonde says, her near-black eyes warm and nonjudgmental in the firelight, before her bloodied lips press closed as she listens.

"Well..." There were of course a number of ways one might answer that, but Charlie was Charlie to her core, so she Charlie'd in response: "Because I only do things that bring me pleasure, and mockery just isn't one of them. What possibly happiness could it bring me, to try and knock someone down? Especially when it's one of my own kind, worshiping our goddess?" The blonde was not so naive to think there weren't such people in the world, but she wasn't one.

"Nothing in this world is ever wrong, and nothing is ever right. Ask Dygra and she'll tell you the same. Things just are, and they're always changing. What is thought of as right in one minute or decade, is condemned in the next." Shrugging, Charlie presses the tip of her finger on the still surface of the blood, watching as the rings warble outward; perfect at first, before wobbling and bleeding into one another.

"That's why it's important to be true to the things that bring you pleasure, and not just physically." She adds.

.

Maea

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb

There it was again. That radiance, the glowing strength that came with confidence. Danta had it, and Hotaru had it, and just like it had drawn her to Sunjata it drew her towards this person now. Like the sun, like bonfires in the night, like something colorful and beautiful that could be a fruit, a flower, or lethal poison. How was she supposed to know which it would be? Compared to any of them she felt cold and dark and rigid, curled up like a snake ready to strike at anything that came too close. Surely that had to be better than risk being stepped on?

Except... it was exhausting, always being on her guard. And she was tired of being cold, and alone, and afraid.

Overwhelmed, she realized that her eyes were tearing up and hastily turned away. "I'm sorry," she said again, "I don't  - I don't know. I barely know who I am anymore, or what I like. Pleasure, that just seems like a good way to get screwed over again." Sniffling and hating that she couldn't keep her emotions in check, she glanced at the blood within the urn. Theoretically it should be horrific and repulsive, yet no matter how she searched herself for those reactions, they simply weren't there. It was confusing.

And I remember thinking — I want to be like them

when I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer

"Tears are normal, there's no need to apologize." Charlie called after Maea, resting her fingers softly against the rim of the urn as her tail wrapped around her feet.

"There's nothing wrong with that. Besides, you could know exactly who are and wake one day and decide to be someone else entirely.  There's nothing special about knowing who you are. Not when you can feel it instead, and.." Charlie pauses. Not because she doesn't know what to say next, but because she doesn't want it to get lost in the bluster of her normal sun-bright deliver. "You seem to feel very deeply, but from what I've seen in just the past few minutes, it's almost like you're ashamed to be who you are, not that you don't know.. At the end of the day, all we are is what we like, what we want, and what we don't." A tiger couldn't change its stripes, and similarly, neither could any of them change the things that kept them up at night, the things they wanted to covet, the ways in which they wanted to express themselves.

"You should never apologize for saying no to something, but equally...you should never apologize for saying yes, either."

.

Maea

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb

Tears and the hasty swipes of bloody fingers made a mess of the moons painted on her cheeks. The blood crusted and cracked in places, turning itchy as time trickled past with the crackle and snap of fading fires. She felt like a tiger in a cage, trapped not by fire or even by the woman, but by her own mind. Something like a crossroads was appearing before her, where all the choices she had been putting off or avoided waited for a decision to be made. Sometimes that yes or no meant burning a bridge, or ending a friendship, or unleashing a cascades of events like an avalanche, and there was nothing more terrifying to her than that freefall into the unknown.

"Who I am has never been good enough for anyone," she shrugged, voice coming out hoarse and as tense as her shoulders. "Not my parents, or friends, or gods, and least of all to me. I've done nothing worth being proud of." For once there was no smile straining on her lips as she turned back to look at the woman. The stranger, who so patiently listened to the outpour of insecurities despite the interruption it caused in her ritual. Maea felt a prick of shame for letting herself get so carried away. Then thought of what the petite little blonde was trying to tell her.

"I guess... all I'm feeling at the moment... is fear," she admitted. It came out like a pulled tooth, raw and reluctant. But strangely, it felt better after voicing it out loud. "I'm... afraid. Of myself. And of pleasure. And all the foolish things it's led me to do in the past. I don't... want to feel it. Because I don't want to be in pain again."

Why was she telling a stranger this? She didn't know this person. It made absolutely no sense to be pouring these truths out for judgement, but she couldn't seem to stop.

"The blood... why is it always a part of anything to do with Dygra? And the... the sex. I don't understand what that has to do with entropy." Why was it even necessary to do this digging into things she'd rather not think about at all? Why not just hunt, eat and call it a day?

And I remember thinking — I want to be like them

when I walk in a room, I can still make the whole place shimmer

"Has it ever been good enough for you?" Charlie implores gently. "Because that's where you have to start." The blonde doubted if it had based on what had been said and done thus far, and that was surely the worst part of it all, from where Charlie was standing. Or, kneeling.

Not needing to prompt, the priestess let Maea release as much as would freely come, only nodding understandingly in certain places. Though the blood in the urn would cool before long, Charlie could heat it again if necessary, so she was happy to set aside the next steps in her ritual in lieu of hearing out her silver-haired companion. "Fear helps us understand. It isn't something to feel ashamed of. But...it can be a complicated emotion too. Sometimes when we think we're afraid, really we're just anxious, or uncomfortable, but those things are okay too. All of it is. Never hide from how you feel."

Closing her eyes and nodding in emphatic agreement when it came to the avoidance of pain, Charlie's eyes blinked back open at the mention of blood and sex. "Because we are predators by nature." The blonde explains. "Back when...well, before,  blood was incorporated as a way of embracing who and what we are as Ancients. Blood, like entropy, is messy. Blood which has been spilt can never be unspilt, you know?." Glancing at the carcass of the sow, Charlie smiles thoughtfully. "It's why I always take the time to appreciate the life I take before I do it."

As for sex? Smiling, Charlie's tail flicks a touch around her feet. "A few reasons, I suppose. Even the most mild-mannered of sex is chaos. Going from a bit of physical friction to something utterly indescribable that sets your skin ablaze and releases your mind from your body, if only temporarily?" She sighs. "From what I've seen since being reawakened sex has become such a...a guilty thing." Her nose wrinkles. "But as children of Dygra, we're meant to follow our passions, and for many, those passions almost always come back to some sort of physical pleasures."

But usually sex.

.

Maea

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb

"No," she huffed, with a bitter smile without a trace of amusement. "I've never been who or what I wish to be. And I'll never be, either. At this point 'good enough' will only mean settling for the second best option."
Slowly hunching back down as she listened to the answers the woman offered, Maea found that they didn't offer much comfort. Even when the logic made sense, as in the case of blood and sex in relation to chaos, it only made her spirits sink. Scratching at her hand where drying blood was beginning to peel off, and at her chin, she shifted restlessly and wished for a bath. A long one, in clean, cool water.

"I've thought this before, but... I don't think I'll ever be a very good ancient. So far, hunting is the only part of everything you've mentioned here that I can actually accept. And even that is... something I wish I didn't have to do." Scritching absently at her scalp, her gaze went to the blood in the urn, and the burning logs that kept them from freezing in the cold night. "I'll... feel the blood, since it's already been spilled. But I won't stay for the rest. If that's okay."

And if it wasn't, that was too bad. Maea supppsed there would inevitably be some people whom she didn't align with. So far the priestess had been kind and patient - but she wasn't sure it would be enough to make up for the way it felt to always be saying no. And if this was her normal... there would be a lot of no's.

And I remember thinking — I want to be like them