[SE] Bad or worse news first?

Zavien

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.

LongNight had been a miserable experience for Zavien. With the unknown of where to go, he'd decided to delay his departure from Stormbreak until after the darkness abated. The week was spent reliving his death, sleep alluding him consistently. Having Sol and Lena nearby helped, but it wasn't always enough to combat the anxieties. He'd spent most of his sleepless time planning out ways he'd speed through trainings, getting stronger so that he could return home without fear. 

When news that Koa was back from one of his missions reached him, Zavien made the split-second decision to leave the safety of the house in hopes of meeting with the Dragoon. There was too much for them to discuss for him to hesitate. Who knew when he'd be in Stormbreak again? Hopefully soon, but there were no guarantees, and the weight of so much information made him crave the presence of a friend. 

Stepping into the Dragon's Nest felt like his test day all over again. Anju had been hard on him, pushing him to his limits, and he'd had to work to prove that he deserved to be a Dragoon. Now, he felt like he had to strengthen his resolve, preparing to deliver world-shaking news to a friend while trying not to imagine a member of the Family interrupting their heart-to-heart. 

Sol whined next to him, looking up as he leaned against his leg for comfort. Zavien gave the dragon a small smile of appreciation. Once he'd found the right door, he let out a deep sigh, running a nervous hand through his hair. The shadows under his eyes weren't as severe, but their presence darkened his attempts to normalize his appearance, evidence of the heaviness that now burdened his mind. Despite it all, he held his breath and knocked on the door.

Koa

There's going to come a day when you feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day

The last season had been a grueling one for Koa; forced on back-to-back assignments, he'd barely seen Stormbreak for more than a day at a time. It seemed that Anju or someone else would always have a new task for him, somewhere remote and unpleasant to navigate - so much so that he's not had a chance to catch up with any of his friends. LongNight had taken a particular toll on the young soldier, seeing him escorting a (wholly unnecessary) caravan to King's End. They'd become trapped in the Tar Pits and had to spend an excruciating few days navigating the swamp land. Even now Koa isn't sure he's managed to get the mud entirely out of his hair. His nails, he fears, will never be clean.

It'd been nearly midday when he finally reaches the Nest, despite having caught the first skyship he could out of the End. His office lay waiting almost the same as he'd left it, save for a daunting stack of letters waiting for him to read and reply. Koa lets out an audible groan upon seeing them; the idea of forming coherent sentences felt unfathomably difficult just now. Instead he walks right past the desk and toward the little vestibule behind, desperate for a shower and then, perhaps, a nap (Pip has already folded herself into a puddle upon the couch).

Tugging off his shirt, Koa pauses in front of the mirror, admiring the splay of green-blue-yellow that blooms across his left shoulder like paint. Gingerly he rotates the battered joint, wincing as pain radiates across his back. It'd been dislocated in The Great Tar Pit Disaster, and while he'd gotten it healed enough to avoid full immobilization, it'll be a while before he can move it without wanting to die. His unshaven and haggard face do little to improve the alarming picture. Usually meticulously clean-cut and handsome, today our poor Koa could only be referred to as 'an absolute mess'.

He's still admiring his battle scars when a knock sounds at the door; and oh by Frey's tits and dick, does he want to pretend he isn't there! Stifling a groan, the Dragoon snaps "Come in!" in a voice that suggests he'd rather be swallowed by the ground and spit out somewhere far distant than actually host a conversation, but his expression brightens considerably when Zavien walks in. 

"Zav! Holy shit, it's good to see you!" the young Captain greets effusively, a genuine smile bursting through the shadowed lines of his face. "Quick, get inside and shut the door before Anju has a chance to realize I'm back and sends me on some new assignment to Caido's taint." It's kind of a joke but also clearly not, the sharp edge of exhaustion stripping away Koa's usual soldierly restraint.

And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say?

Zavien

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.

When his friend opened the door, Zavien couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. It was tinged with darkness and exhaustion, the circles under his eyes from more than just lack of sleep, but it felt a little less heavy when greeted with such enthusiasm. He didn't hesitate to clap him on the shoulder (the one not sporting a new skin tone). Although somewhat subdued, his own happiness was genuine. "Koa. It's great to see you too." More than he probably knew, considering he might have never seen him again if things hadn't gone the way they had. 

Pushing aside that extremely uncomfortable thought that made his grin stutter, Zavien followed Koa inside with Sol at his heels. "I'd heard about that. Did you piss her off or something?" Despite the teasing glint in his eyes, there's also a measure of true concern. They couldn't afford to be making more enemies right now, and if Anju was acting on Dahlia's orders, it made him wonder if there was something else going on, giving them a reason to keep Koa out of Stormbreak. Or if that nasty bruise was any indication - worse. Whatever the reason, he made sure the door was firmly closed, even going so far as to glance around and make sure there weren't any prying eyes or ears. 

He quickly found a seat to perch on, moving with a little more care than he used to. Sol gave a chirp of greeting to Pip but stayed unusually close to his companion. Zavien didn't mind, although it made showering interesting. That didn't change the fact that it eased his own worries when he dropped his hand to let it rest on the smooth golden scales. His other hand ran through his hair as he lapsed into nervous silence, trying to decide where to start with it all.

Koa

There's going to come a day when you feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day

"Something like that." Koa grabs a shirt as Zav shuts the door, wincing as he pulls it over his shoulder. He doesn't bother buttoning it - he still needs a shower, and to put some salve on his arm - but at least he's got some modicum of propriety, civilization in uncivilized times. Padding to the door as Zav finds his seat, he double checks that it's locked. Then he grabs a notebook and paper, before finally returning to sit across from his friend.

Anything he might have been prepared to divulge dies as he takes in Zavien's face. The other Dragoon isn't wounded, at least not as far as Koa can tell, but there's a shadow over his handsome features, made all the more obvious by its contrast to his usually sunny smile. "You okay?" he frowns, concerned, his metallic gaze flitting between Zavien's eyes. "You look... well, kinda like how I feel."

Glancing down at the book on his lap, he scribbles a quick message before passing it to Zav. Don't say anything about them out loud. Aloud, he asks with fake levity: "You didn't already mess things up with Lena, did you?" He thinks it's a safe topic, and one that'll make him smile.

Poor, simple fool.

And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say?

Zavien

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.

The note was met with an understanding nod. Glancing up at Koa, he saw the mirrored concern, taking it as his cue to start with his list of bad news. "Not exactly...." He visibly winced at Koa's second question but smiled through the discomfort, hoping to save that particular piece of embarrassment for after the other bombs landed. Maybe it would be something to laugh about by that point. Or cry depending on how things went.

For now, he thought it might be best to address would-be-dead elephant in the room. "I was in Halo during the battle. We faced a giant Void-yeti that was extremely... formidable but was eventually defeated." Although without much help from him. "The Vox broadcast mentioned Soh and Mel - Soh being the one who ran when severely injured. Alys was the other. She lost Sascha but lived. I - I was the last one." He swallowed, trying to gather the courage that'd escaped him before and during LongNight, the courage that still felt too distant, however necessary it may be if he was going to face off against the Famil. 

He had to look away as he clenched his jaw against the tightening of his throat. Zavien took a deep, stabilizing breath to say the words aloud for the first time. Sol let out a soft whine and pushed further into his hand to comfort the way his heart seemed to crack open. His voice was soft, strained with emotion.

"Koa, I died."

Koa

There's going to come a day when you feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day

The pencil bounces on Koa's knee as he listens to Zavien's tale, expressive face open and receptive as he tries not to let his worry show. The reminder of the Vox broadcast has his heart clenching; he'd been absolutely terrified and helpless to react, stuck on assignment when it first came through. He'd even considered abandoning his post, but duty kept him anchored, anxious and distressed. Luckily, though, reports from the Nest had finally come through: no casualties save for a companion, and a second sweep had seen the Void cleared. And so Koa'd let himself breathe easier, reassured of the safety of those he held dear.

He'd assumed the death had referred to Sascha, but...

But of course things weren't so simple. These days, they rarely were. Clenching his jaw against the pressure rising behind his eyes, Koa scarcely takes a breath as he waits for Zav to go on, his palms sweaty as he presses them into the cloth of his pants. Sohalia wounded, a companion felled, and Zavien--

"Koa, I died."

"Oh, Zav, fuck." It's less words than an exhalation, pressed helplessly from aching lungs. It wasn't Sascha, then, it was Zavien, and though his friend sits alive before him now, the idea that he may have been lost forever hits Koa like a blow. "What - how - fuck, man, I'm so sorry. Are you, like, okay?" He pauses, shakes his head. "I mean, obviously you're okay--" he gestures toward the Dragoon at large, indicating the healed, alive body in front of him, "--but, like, are you, like... okay?"

Cus Koa can't imagine he would be, if he'd literally died.

And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say?

Zavien

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.

His eyes flit up to see the shock spread across Koa's face. Things had felt real before, but saying it aloud... He wants to cry, to vomit, to scream at into the void, to run. So many emotions run through him that a strange numbness settles in his body, only leaving behind a strange buzzing that makes his hands tremble. Zavien tries to smile, to laugh through the insanity of it all, but it comes out as an upward slanted grimace. "I'm uh... better than I should be." Since he should be dead and all. 

The 'how' of it was a little easier to talk about than the feelings, and Zavien shifts in his seat. "When I called out to Remi, Sunjata was with him. He had this feather - a revivify feather? I think? - and it brought me back." From being dead and everything. "But... I needed a lot of healing. The thing ripped through me pretty bad..." To say the least. It'd skewered him like a shish kabob, punching right through his lungs. 

Since words won't really do the lethal injury justice, he lifts the right side of his shirt to expose the massive scar that now mars the skin. It's still a fresh pink, puckering against the movement of his muscles beneath as it extends from his armpit to mid-abdomen along his flank. There was no mistaking the severity of the injury, although nothing could compare to the pain. 

He lowers his shirt again, placing his hand back on Sol's head. "Sunjata, Deimos (Zuriel), and the healers in Halo did a great job stitching me back together..." Like some Frankenstein monster. Not that he remembers much of the initial day, fading in and out of a lucid state filled with blinding pain. It's not a time he likes to recall. Because, did he mention that he'd been dead?

Koa

There's going to come a day when you feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day

He listens raptly, fingernails pressed into the ends of his arm rests, right knee bouncing in time with his heart. Expecting to hear that Ronin had done the resurrection, Koa's brows raise at the name Sunjata, surprised and perhaps a little relieved to hear the Flood's role in his friend's return to life. At least this implies that Jata is cured and no longer on their enemy's side - though Koa cannot help but feel there were easier ways to have found this out.

Koa gasps audibly as the scar is revealed, leading into a low, appreciative whistle. "That's definitely in the top ten I've seen," he says with wry admiration, leaning forward to better examine the puckered skin. "Shit, dude." His own bruised shoulder seems like child's play in comparison, and some instinct in him cannot help but make him subconsciously pull his shirt closed over his chest.

How had this not been in the reports? Koa frowns away that question; there will be time for it later on. "I'm so fucking sorry, Zav." He isn't sure what else to tell him. Melita is the only other person he knows who's been recently resurrected, and she'd bounced back with in a blaze of fire and a rain of ducks. Clearly Zavien's healing process is taking a different, more difficult path.

"How'd Lena react, when you got home?" He can only imagine how horrified the caretaker must have been.

And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say?

Zavien

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.

Oh, Koa, there's so much you don't know. 

Zavien smiles bitterly at the compliment(?), not really sure if he should be 'proud' of his death wound. But then Koa is apologizing, and he shakes his head with a deepening frown. "Not your fault." No. It was his. For being too weak, too unprepared, too naive to make a major difference in the battle.

Similarly, the topic of Lena is raw and painful, making him visibly flinch while Sol lets out a small whine. He glances down at his hand, recalling the way his heart felt torn open more with each second. "Um... not well." To say the least. Swallowing the dread rising in his chest, Zavien continued with obvious reluctance. "I asked her to leave with me, because of -" you know. He doesn't think he needs to explain to his friend why he can't stay in Stormbreak, from one soldier to another. Or that it's not smart to say so aloud within the confines of the city. 

His eyes flit up to catch a glimpse of Koa before looking away again. "I also... may have... told her I love her..." It comes out as almost a mumble, the way his face contorts in pain a physical glimpse at the power of his regret. If he wasn't so anguished, he might have blushed. Instead, he was pale, strained as he said, "She didn't really react the way I expected her to on... anything." Not that he'd really thought through the whole 'confessing' part. It had been stupid, selfish, ill-timed. But even so, he hadn't expected her response to leave him feeling so cold and alone. 

When his hand reached up to run it through his hair, he gripped a little tighter, wanting desperately to pull the thoughts from his head. "Maybe it was just me... Maybe I thought there was something more..." Something long-lasting and resilient. Something real. Maybe he'd been wrong. All he knew was that he felt very very alone.

Koa

There's going to come a day when you feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day

"Not yours, either," Koa's quick to combat, because he can feel the guilt and self-deprecation radiating off Zavien, knows dark thoughts his friend must be having as clearly as if they were his own.

Because in many ways, they are.

I asked her to leave with me. "Leave?!" Koa blurts before he can stop it, nails biting into wood. He's leaving? But then again, how can Koa blame him - how can he begrudge him anything, given she just died? He forces himself to sit back, raising a hand to wave off any explanation. "No, sorry, keep going." This is Zavien's time for expression; he can deal with his own abandonment issues on his own time.

(Little does Koa know but by the time this conversation finishes he'll be packing his bags as well.)

I told her I love her. Koa's eyes widen, the beginning of a smile quickly dying on his lips as Zavien's expression twists and contorts. Oh... oh no. Been there, done that. Sympathy runs hot through the cracks of heartbreak still lingering after his own rejection. "Oh, fuck." Without fully standing he scoots his chair closer, until he can reach out and grab Zavien's shoulder. "Fuck, man, I'm so sorry." To have died, resurrected, and been rejected? A sympathetic wince cuts his mouth.

"What did she say?" he asks, slightly hopeful, because maybe it wasn't a straight-out rejection. He needs their relationship to work out, damnit. After all, he's personally responsible for them being together at least in his head.

And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say?

Zavien

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.

He doesn't quite believe Koa's words, but he nods nonetheless, hoping he might find a way to forgive himself one day. For all the stupid mistakes he's made. Although that day feels very far off right now. 

The interjection is met with a short, defensive explanation. "It wouldn't be forever; just until I could get my strength back." He knows that Koa with understand, as did Deimos and Tal, but Lena had made him feel guilty about it, like he was running away or screwing things up. Honestly, nothing had gone right during their discussions. 

His friend's support is greatly appreciated, making him feel slightly less alone with it all, like sharing the burden with someone who knows his pains might convince him that everything will work out in the end. But the question is met with another wince as he shakes his head. "Nothing. She asked for a minute... then we haven't talked about it since." 

Sighing around the hole slowly growing in his chest, the way he feels like everything is slipping through his fingertips, Zavien continues, "I know I sprung everything on her at once, but even after LongNight, it feels like she wants to pretend like it never happened..." His death, his confession, and the resulting shifts. "To just keep pushing on." Part of him - the part who fell in love with her - admires her tenacity and resilience, her willingness to strive even against adversity; but the other part of him just wishes she had just hugged him and asked how he was doing. He didn't want to be coddled, but it would have been nice to know that she cared enough to check on him mentally. Because he's not doing okay, and he knows that. The nightmares and crippling fear are indication enough. 

Zavien shrugs his shoulders as if it might cast aside the weight that's settled there. "Even this morning... she kept talking about staying 'together' to fight - " Against the Family. In Stormbreak, where he feels like he has to tiptoe around every corner. Shaking his head, he kneads his hands together, his voice soft. "But I don't think she understands that I'm not in the right headspace for that right now..." To stay trapped under the Family's roof, to rally for a fight, to be of any use. He just needs space, and a moment to get his feet back under him.

Koa

There's going to come a day when you feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day

He nods quickly, because he doesn't want Zavien to think he blames him, even if his friend's announcement hurts. Clearly Zav is going through something unimaginable, and whole Koa may be wholly unequipped to provide anything more than supportive platitudes, the lad has those in spades.

Lena's reaction gains a sharp inhale of sympathy - for both involved parties, if he's being honest. Dropping his hand from Zavien's shoulder, Koa squeezes his friend's hand. "I mean- I get it. I don't want you to leave either, but I get it." He hadn't been able to face Stormbreak for months after his own brush with The Family, and even now he can't say with confidence that he knows being here is the right call. "Honestly, I might even be tempted to go with you, if it wasn't for my family." He cannot leave them, not again, and getting his father out of Stormbreak would be like trying to tear down the wall.

"So where will you go, do you think?" Returning to the pad of paper, he hastily scribbles out: We have friends in King's End and Halo. They can help keep you safe.

And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say?

Zavien

Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.

Koa's hand against his is a comfort alone, smoothing the prickly defensiveness to something sad and resigned. His hands relax, leaving their self-deprecating kneading for another time so he can clasp against his friend with a small smile. Just knowing that someone is supporting him without any undercurrents of doubt or blame is freeing, releasing an expectant pressure that had settled on his shoulders. 

But when the mention of 'family' comes up, some of that heaviness returns, forcing an obvious flinch onto Zavien's face. "That's actually another reason I came to see you..." It was overwhelming just how much he'd needed to talk to the Dragoon. Clenching his jaw, Zavien pulls a pen from the desk. He hesitates, picking his words carefully as he breaks the news. "Koa, I don't know how to say this, but... Noe... hasn't been well." Holding his breath, he turns the paper back for Koa to read the poorly written words: She's enfekted. It seems cruel to tell him in such a way, to have to rip at the motivations he holds so close, to taint the way he feels about his sister. He can't even imagine the pain or confusion that must run through him. 

Not wanting them to seem suspicious to who/whatever may be watching, he focuses on the other words on the paper. Seeing Halo mentioned makes him immediately nauseous, and Zavien shakes his head quickly before he says, "Tal has agreed to help me with some training, so I'll go there first. Then I was thinking of heading to the Greatwood. Lena mentioned visiting there to look for some of her favorite flowers." His eyes hold deeper meaning, letting Koa know exactly which flowers he's talking about. Meanwhile he tries to hide the nerves surrounding his next visiting with his girlfriend, unsure how things will be after a week or two of separation.

Koa

There's going to come a day when you feel better
You'll rise up free and easy on that day

Zavien's death and resurrection. His imminent departure. The fate of the Dragoons. Koa is too caught up in what's happening to have any inkling of what might be coming; so much so that when Zavien first tells him, the young man wholly misses the point. "Shit, has she been working too hard?" he asks almost distractedly, a furrow appearing between his brows. "She's always going a hundred miles a minute, I keep telling her--"

His frown deepens as he looks down at the paper. She's 'en'...?

And then it hits him, and his world tilts.

His first reaction is accusation, unreasonable and unwarranted and wholly unfair. Half-standing, he snaps: "No, she, she's not, she can't, you're wrong--"

But the fight fades from him as quickly as it rises, leaving him empty and adrift. There's no way Zavien would lie about this, and Koa knows that in his soul. "Oh gods." He falls back into his chair heavily, head dropping down into his hands. "Oh gods, fuck." He feels sick. Somewhere nearby Pip is crooning, her body heavy as it settles across his shoulders. He can barely hear Zavien over the roaring in his ears. Noe's infected, Noe's infected, you abandoned her and now she's theirs. Suddenly the idea of spending another moment in the shade of the Tower feels untenable, like ice on his skin.

Distantly he's aware of heading to the Greatwood; lifting his head up, he blinks slowly, a plan beginning to form in his mind. "The Greatwood. Okay. Yeah, we can do that." Nodding, Koa drums his fingers on the arm of his chair. "Halo first, obviously. If I can get her there, this will all be over. Hell, we could leave now!" It's absolutely insane and impractical, but he's already halfway standing once more, gripped by a frantic need to act.

And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air
Just when that day is coming, who can say?