Torn, and bleeding stars

The sun had only just risen and Sah was on his way to turn his quest into Safrin. The dead-sprint that he'd been on for the past few weeks leading up to and including his current quest was almost half-way over. One twin would be accounted for, and the second would be as soon as the Wild Thunder was given the go-ahead from Safrin to start the quest for a second time.

Yet as he entered the Citadel proper, a familiar face had all of the air rushing out of his lungs. Ru! The hybrid was shifting before he knew it, the dark wolf sprinting over and sliding to a stop in front of Frey's Demi-god. Ru. Gods. Do you have some time to talk?  A quiet whine slipped out as he tried to stifle the continuing rush of emotions. Joy at seeing her, grief and anger at the reminder of what he surely needed to tell her now. He'd been about to write a letter multiple times since Luka's attack, the single-focused protective flurry of activity had gotten in the way each time the thought had crossed his mind.

But now she was here and Sah was so damn relieved to see her.

Hotaru

the wild thunder

Lightning strikes
A distant howl

code by sky

anything beautiful, people want to break

Noah's heartbreak lingers in her own chest like a poison, one that makes her idly rub her sternum at random intervals until she catches herself doing it and reminds herself it's a phantom ache. Yet the moment her attention slips the cycle starts again. Her skin feels prickly, too tight. The urge to return to Sunjata is an ache that sows restlessness and prevents her from enjoying her return to Halo while it lasts.

Sah's mind touches hers with the cry of her name, and she spins on her heel at the same time his dark paws skid on cobblestone to bring him before her with an urgency that tightens her skin ever more. Sah? Of course - would you prefer I shift? Concern crinkles her fair brows as she steps smoothly out of the way to bring them both out of the path of pedestrians. Attuned are commonplace enough that nobody bats an eye at their locked-eyed conversation, but guaranteed privacy is only a few steps further away.

Hotaru knows that sometimes the only way to bear the burden of certain emotions is to face them with the simpler urges of their shifts to blunt the sharpness of human suffering, and if she is to bear his on top of the echoes of Noah's, she'll likely want to shift anyway. But for now she only guides them both into the adjacent alley, hands reaching to smooth a hand over his dark head in lieu of a hug.

and you are beautiful I'm afraid

Hotaru

Ru instantly caught on and Sah sent a pulse of warmth and gratitude through the bond. Yes, please. This was a conversation that he wanted to minimize anyone overhearing.

The wolf followed her into the alley, leaning into the Demi-god's touch for a moment before stepping back to give her enough room. There was a slight tremble to Sah's shoulders as he waited for her to shift.

When she was ready, he let the memories of that night wash over him. The Wild Thunder's ears pinned back as he did his best to keep the worst of his emotions from flooding the bond. Still their echo was unavoidable in his words. His heartbreak and grief over Luka's pain. His guilt in not being able to prevent it, and for his own hand in its trigger. His rage, Gods. The dark, swirling rage and bloodlust that filled him every time he heard or even thought her name. Dahlia broke into our house during LongNight when I wasn't home. She kidnapped and tortured Luka. She said it was because I was too disrespectful. Luka is home and he's recovering. We moved to a different house to get away.

the wild thunder

Lightning strikes
A distant howl

code by sky

Her voice is a fearless proclamation of protection
She lives what's within her out loud

Something tense and impatient lingers at the edge of his side of the bond, and though Hotaru would rather a more private environment for whatever is to come, it seems time is of the essence. She shifts quick and smooth, golden hair and skin easily melting into tawny fur; a shift as close to his as she can match.

When his memories come they are more emotion than painted pictures, as the bond is wont to do, but in some ways that is harder for her to lay across her own shoulders. It’s a pain too familiar, a story she’s written in her own hand, and the lines between his fury and fear and her own grow blurry in an instant. The fur along her spine bristles immediately. It’s a struggle not to let her own emotions and memories bleed over - to sweep them up in a self-perpetuating spiral - and his words are gummy in the way they stick and pop in her ears half-senselessly.

There is no getting away, she mutters, caught in the dark, pessimistic swirl of his emotions. What did you do that turned her eye? Would she find reason to target him again? What level of insult - according to her own judgment - would warrant a reminder? One that wouldn’t be so kind as to leave his child alive? Hotaru would know. Flora’s death, no matter how temporary, will never leave her. And Luka - Soleil, too - are they okay? The maternal ache of her heart makes it clear she isn’t asking about physically - and that she isn’t hopeful for the answer, either.

Sah sighed, paw scratching at the ground. I know. I just didn't want them to have to sleep in that house again. Even if it wasn't any safer, the distance was more for healing and space. The smallest thing that the hybrid could do to help his family recover.

Sah pressed into Ru's side, taking a shuddering breath. The regional quest Halo just finished was to protect the Citadel from the void. I, and one other, captured an infected bird from Stormbreak. Dahlia sent a letter threatening retribution if we didn't return it. My letter, refusing and informing her that I didn't have the authority to do so. The bird was returned after discussions, and Deimos retrieved a void crystal instead. But apparently, that letter I sent, polite if a little curt, was too disrespectful in her eyes. A letter. She'd nearly killed his son over a letter and a perceived slight.

The wolf's heart echoed the ache. No. Better than that night. But, no. Sah had been trying to help, to be strong for them. Gods, he'd been trying. He was able to suppress the emotions enough to function. Focusing on his quest was helping. But those first few weeks had been hell. The Wild Thunder had found himself pressed into the corner of the wall, unable to tear his eyes away from his children's rising and falling chests. All the while, nearly choking as he held back the tears and screams that clawed at his throat.

I've failed them. I don't even think they view me as a source of safety anymore. And gods, that ached too. How could he help them heal if his presence wasn't able to reassure them like it once had? Did they even trust him? Or had his failure torn that away too?

the wild thunder

Lightning strikes
A distant howl

code by sky

Her voice is a fearless proclamation of protection
She lives what's within her out loud

She tucks her head over his nape as he slides into her, rubbing her cheek over his scruff to spread her scent onto him while providing comfort. Even if it’s not a fix, it will help. Trust me. It was why she had avoided the Citadel streets after Enzo’s death, why she’d moved back into the spa after her loved ones and their lives had inevitably moved on and she no longer had someone in the house to sleep beside her or comfort her through her nightmares.

Unease, disgust, and a much quieter begrudging admiration for Dahlia’s effective cruelty and curtailing of resistance squirms in her stomach. To her it’s not a matter of like-for-like. It’s a show of force, and a sure way to make you hesitate to move against her again. Just as killing Flora and Jack was a way to try and take them off the board while also crippling myself and her fathers. Both of them - or perhaps three, these days? Regardless, Sah is not the only one who is contending with the terror of a child caught in the balance. She understands more than anyone else possibly could.

Pressing her head into his dark fur, Hotaru closes her eyes. Her own echoing fears align with those vague sentiments she can hear in him, snippets of words and thoughts and feelings. An ache that will never leave. All the worse for the comparisons she draws between herself and the other demigods in Flora’s life, and the way she always comes up short. Because we aren’t, Sah. How could we be? Even the strongest among us can’t face them alone. Hardly even together. There is no child in Caido who could claim to be safe from the Family because of the might and sanctuary of their parent. Not even their collective region. Their safety would have lied in their anonymity and lack of power. But we unintentionally took that from them. Our strength normally protects them, but we’re outclassed enough that it’s a target instead.

But pessimism and despair will not fix this. The power struggle or his suffering heart. That doesn’t mean it’s our fault. Making ourselves stronger in their name, protecting them successfully in the past, it wasn’t a mistake. Maybe they can’t trust us to protect them, but nobody can. Not until the Family is gone. Golden eyes open, staring unfocused past the dark strands of his fur brushing against her cheek. War takes victims in more ways than death. We can’t spare our children the fate of changing from living through one. All we can try to do is win it for them.

Okay. It's reassuring that Ru agrees with the move, even if Sah isn't convinced that it's enough distance. The idea of leaving Halo hurts but it's a thought that continued to come to him.

A soft whine left the wolf's throat as he took in the Demi-god's next words. He knew that Ru was right, even if it was bitter to admit. I know. I hate it. I hate them. All Sah wanted was to be able to protect and care for his loved ones. So often, it was his main goal in life. To be falling so short when it mattered the most was harrowing. It felt like jagged blades being carved into his heart, spreading poison through his veins until all that was left was a burning, frosty emptiness.

With a deep shuddering breath, Sah nodded against Ru's side. You're right. Drawing strength from her presence, the Wild Thunder forced the cracked edges of his heart to harden, fusing into something functional. Freshly forged steel coated his words. We'll find a way to kill them all. The stakes were higher than the last war, yet somehow the solution was the same. Grow in power, strength, and numbers. Until the threat to his loved ones was destroyed.

the wild thunder

Lightning strikes
A distant howl

code by sky