Scary dog privilege

Kaisel

He'd originally laid full trust in Remi because the man is clearly seasoned. He's beginning to wonder if the raccoon is...underseasoned though. He doesn't know the ins and outs of shifting, but he does know enough about it that the animal side has some tug on the human side, and he's starting to get a good idea about how much is being tugged about now. The previously vaulting woodland bandit is now a lumbering, sodden sack of fur that lingers unnecessarily over every apparant branch and bunch of soil or sand. "Do you actually know what you're doing?" Kaisel accuses behind him with a newfound doubt.

"Because I kinda looks like you're just mosying." The way a dog might when the weather's shit and it's early and you just want them to pee but they suddenly need to investigate every leaf and stone in a mile radius, despite never caring about that before.

Maybe he thinks he's done his due part in finding the collar? Kaisel shakes his head, stepping further into the jungle with another hollar for "Naaaaacho!". Subtle, but unmistakable, a distant bark answers back. Kaisel pauses, turning towards the sound, and releases a sharp whistle. Another bark rises. "Remi! Did you hear him!?" Excitedly he begins to dash through the jungle now, wading through leaves that grab back more than he'd like.

Haters on my back like a backpack
Blowin' up I'm fucking flawless

Code stolen from Queen Sky

remi

Remi halts mid-snuffle at Kaisel’s accusation, tail giving one slow, offended flick. He turns with great ceremony—rolling from shoulder to shoulder like a damp little emperor pivoting on his axis—and fixes Kaisel with a stare that is half raccoon, half Bastion, and entirely unimpressed. His beady eyes narrow. His whiskers bristle. Every inch of him radiates: How dare you question my methods, which are both mysterious and flawless. He opens his mouth—perhaps to chitter a rebuttal, perhaps to mime some grand explanation involving complex scent patterns only raccoons can decipher—but then Kaisel is yelling for the dog and the dog is answering?

A bark snaps through the undergrowth, bright and distant and wonderfully dog-like. Remi freezes, ears pricking forward. His tail lifts like a little plume of exclamation. Before Remi can even react properly, Kaisel surges past him in a burst of excitement, and instinct (plus a raccoon’s opportunistic nature) takes over.

Remi launches.

It isn’t graceful. It isn’t dignified. It’s a full-bodied yeet of damp fur and enthusiasm as he flings himself onto Kaisel’s side, claws scrabbling harmlessly until he catches onto the man’s backpack straps. Once latched, he hauls himself up in a single determined wiggle and becomes an instant, soggy backpack accessory.

His round body settles against Kaisel’s shoulder blades like a loaf of furry bread. Tiny paws hook in for stability, his tail curls for balance, and from this new and decidedly more convenient perch, he chitters encouragement directly into Kaisel’s ear—high-pitched, breathy, urgent, the raccoon equivalent of go, go, go, go!

He contributes absolutely nothing of value to the sprint except moral support and additional weight.

we're only human but we've got hands & hearts & noses
So stop and smell the fuckin' roses

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Kaisel

Maybe this is rabid Remi.

An undignified yell lifts momentarily from Kaisel's chest as the sudden haste of everything results in Remi joining him unhelpfully as a blur of wet fur and scrabbling feet. He takes a half-step away, reflexively trying to dodge this unknown assault, but he doesn't have much space to work with and he's reminding himself that this is, however unconventional in the moment, his partner.

"My gods, you're so heavy," he complains after a few strides, Remi since settled comfortably astride his pack and providing the equivalent of a one-man cheering squad. "Spice is a jillion times lighter," he continues, far used to her weight suddenly latching onto him than this musty lump. She definitely smells a lot better too. Admittedly, it's hard to top the household's cutest and best resident though, so it's not a very fair comparison.

Focusing on the chase for now, Kaisel keeps up a steady stream of calling for the dog while dodging and weaving formidable foliage. The dog doesn't answer every time, but like some weird game of Marco Polo it does sound off once in a while that reassures Kaisel they're still headed the right way. "Don't get into anything," he warns, having packed a ration of gummy worms that is definitely not for sharing unless things get really dire.

Haters on my back like a backpack
Blowin' up I'm fucking flawless

Code stolen from Queen Sky

remi

Balanced atop Kaisel’s pack like a damp, judgmental crown, Remi pauses his proud raccoon ride long enough to narrow his little mask-marked eyes at the commentary about his weight. A tiny grey paw reaches forward, deliberate and offended, and flicks Kaisel’s ear with all the righteous force a raccoon can muster. It’s not painful so much as deeply pointed, a fuzzy little excuse you.

If he had his voice, if he had even a sliver of his human shape, he’d absolutely inform Kaisel that he could become a kraken large enough to fold him into the sea like laundry. But trapped in this stumpy, disgruntled form, all he can do is chitter, a sharp, offended burst of noise.

But then as Kaisel tells him don't get into anything, Remi freezes. His little paws curl, his head tilts just slightly, ears lifting. There is a very specific kind of silence raccoons create when they are evaluating the moral weight of a command they fully intend to disobey. Slowly—too slowly, far too slowly—his gaze drifts to the backpack beneath him.

The backpack full of possibilities.

The backpack full of forbidden possibilities.

And before Kaisel has fully finished the sentence, Remi has already begun unzipping. He works with startling raccoon dexterity, tiny fingers prying at clips, claws working at zippers, nose shoved eagerly between folds of fabric as he rummages with the single-minded enthusiasm of a creature who was born to commit snack-related crimes. Wrappers rustle. Something crinkles. A small triumphant chitter echoes as he shoves half his head inside the bag in search of whatever treasure lies within.

we're only human but we've got hands & hearts & noses
So stop and smell the fuckin' roses

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Kaisel

His head jerks towards his neck as the offending flick bounces off him with the faintest sting. "Hey!" he cries out, but equally knows it's deserved (kinda) and doesn't push his luck further. He'd prefer the demi-dad stay a raccoon and not become a wraith of horrors again, or a kraken doing house chores with his body.

He can feel the mistake the moment it leaves his mouth, but words have always proven to be impossible to take back, and this is among them. The silence is deafening, but the noise of it shattering to a zipper is worse. Kaisel gasps, a hand reaching back to tray and grab at the thief of a passenger. With the backpack extending far enough off his back though, he's got no real hope of reaching back there, not from above, below, or from the side. His palm just uselessly flaps and thumps against it, occasionally brushing wet fur that he can't get any good grip around.

Going on the offensive, Kaisel picks his knees up higher, making the strides far bouncier. He even swings back and forth at the torso, trying to create enough force to potentially sling the bandit free. All the while he can feel the meticulous little paws digging. "AY!" he barks, trying to startle the pilferer. "What did I just say?" Meanwhile, the barks have grown louder.

Haters on my back like a backpack
Blowin' up I'm fucking flawless

Code stolen from Queen Sky

remi

Remi ignores Kaisel with the full force and commitment of a raccoon who has absolutely heard the warning and has decided—out of principle, spite, or hunger—to do the exact opposite. His little paws continue to dig with unapologetic purpose. Wrappers crinkle. Fabric rustles. Something clacks. Kaisel’s outstretched hand smacks helplessly against the pack in a series of hollow thumps, each one brushing Remi’s damp fur but failing spectacularly to dislodge him. The raccoon barely even reacts until Kaisel changes tactics and the bouncing starts.

With a low, determined grunt, he wedges his entire fat little body straight down into the backpack. One scrabbling paw, then another, then his striped tail vanishes into the depths like a ferret diving for glory. Only his ears and the very top of his masked head remain poking out as he reaches up with both paws and—god help him—zips the bag partially shut around himself. It’s sloppy, crooked, and stops right around his neck, but it does the job. He is now a raccoon in a raccoon-proof bunker that just happens to have infinite space so there's plenty of room.

Inside the pack, something triumphantly tears followed by the crinkling doom of gummy worms meeting their fate. By the time Kaisel hears the first wet chew, Remi has already devoured several and is pawing greedily at the next handful. One chitter becomes a giddy purr. But, even in his snack-high, Remi remembers he is riding on Kaisel, which means, in some tiny, dignified corner of his raccoon heart, he feels compelled to share.

A long, furry arm emerges from the half-zipped pack, stretching around Kaisel’s neck like a little raccoon seatbelt. His claws rest lightly on Kaisel’s collarbone, guiding his attention sideways as he stuffs his paw right by Kaisel’s cheek, offering a squished, rain-damp, gummy worm for the soldier to take.

Remi chitters sweetly, insistently, as if saying: For you. I stole it myself.

we're only human but we've got hands & hearts & noses
So stop and smell the fuckin' roses

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Kaisel

If he thought he had time to actually stop and swing this backpack around, he'd hoist Remi up by his armpits and shake him loose of the backpack. Unwilling to deviate from the mission, especially with the prize of Nacho so close at hand, he can't risk the delay. The dog could be barking out of need while it's currently behind half-digested, who knows.

So it is instead with it's own certain brand of horror, that instead Kaisel is subjected to listen to the sounds of a very deepset raccoon plunder everything good in his backpack. Since it's bottomless, there is a wide array of nonperishibles to found in there, but it's the gummy worms that are on short supply right now, because believe it or not Flora hasn't found a great deal on them at the market recently. Which doesn't mean they haven't been praciticing for when she does, but it does mean he's on gummy rations currently.

"What's in your mouth?!" he hisses, picking up the faintly wet snarl of snacking happening behind him over the hum of the rain on leaves and his jacket. He doesn't have to wonder for long, because oh, how kind, the banded rat is sharing his own off-limits prize with him. "The gummy worms!!!!" he nearly shrieks, snatching up the offerings like they're precious gems. "Oh my GODS, spit them out!" Desperate, he considers another tactic. "THEY'RE POISONED REMI!!"

Just then Nacho bounds in front of them, completely unharmed, and snapping up at the bouncing gummy worms in Kaisel's hands. "AUGH!" he cries out, slamming to a halt and lifting his last bits of candy up out of reach of the mutt.

Haters on my back like a backpack
Blowin' up I'm fucking flawless

Code stolen from Queen Sky

remi

The moment Kaisel shrieks about poison, Remi freezes mid-chew. For one single heartbeat, he looks genuinely reflective; ears lifted, paws paused inside the gummy bag, his entire tiny face wearing the raccoon equivalent of …oh? Poison? And then he just shrugs with a tin dismissive roll of his furry shoulders. He crunches down on another worm with renewed confidence, fully trusting that his digestive system—and his immortality—can sort out any consequences later.

But the world shifts again when Nacho suddenly bursts into view.

The tiny dog launches itself out of the underbrush like a chaotic missile, beady eyes locked onto the bouncing gummy worms in Kaisel’s hand. With great urgency, Remi thrusts one tiny paw out of the pack, dramatically pointing straight down at Nacho as if Kaisel somehow might not have noticed the barking, leaping, sugar-crazed creature at their feet. He nudges Kaisel’s shoulder with frantic little taps, chittering loudly, emphatically, insistently.

There! There! The dog! Look! You found him!
(…Now can we get more gummy worms?)

He jabs a paw downward again, almost vibrating with the importance of his discovery lest Kaisel still somehow missed it.

we're only human but we've got hands & hearts & noses
So stop and smell the fuckin' roses

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Kaisel

Nacho circles him like a crazed ballerina, leaping up with muddy paws all over his pants and shirt in the eager chase of the worms Kaisel holds aloft like a golden prize. Remi fans the flames of chaos with little more than a tiny paw and a ceaseless stream of sounds that meld with the barking dog into a frenzied cacophony. It's maddening.

"I know!" Kaisel snaps at the paw that pats him on the back with as much usefulness as a towel offered to a fish. Thank you Remi, he does see the dog. If the Bastion is trying to point out something else, there's way too much happening for him to pick up on it. Instead, for a brief, stupid moment, he attempts to fasten the collar around Nacho, who's doing his best impression of a PG Cujo. With only the hand holding the collar still free, and the dog a whirlwind of fur and excitement, it goes about as well as one might expect. Even with some attempted goading with his voice and little clicks with his tongue, offering in every way he can, friend to the dog, other than sacrificing the one thing the animal wants of course.

Realizing quickly this is going nowhere, he fists his gummy worms into his mouth. It's a tragic loss, because he didn't want to eat them yet, but if it's between him, Remi, and the dog, he's picking himself. Chewing on them like a hard stick of gum, he now has enough free arms to capture Nacho the next time the dog leaps up, wrestling him against him as he fights to slip the collar back on, his makeshit leash still attached. The hound's boundless energy subsides once he's been caught, immediately flopping around like a fish that is massively stronger than it should be given it's size, and a lot more slippery than you'd realize.

Luckily for Kaisel, he can get a grip on the wet fur, and oh he does. Lowering down with the struggle, the ground helps him pin the dog too, until at last he clasps the dog's wardrobe back on. "AHA!" he says with breathless, filthy triumph, taking a moment to recover. Once he does, he turns his head faintly over his shoulder, just enough to put the raccoon into view, and sighs very dramatically, "you're the worst."

Haters on my back like a backpack
Blowin' up I'm fucking flawless

Code stolen from Queen Sky

remi

Remi is absolutely no help. He simply remains an inert, furry sandbag strapped to Kaisel’s back as Nacho turns into a muddy, sugar-hunting hurricane. The raccoon watches with calm, almost scholarly interest while Kaisel attempts to collar the dog mid–leap, arms flailing, gummy worms flying, dignity evaporating.

Every bounce jostles Remi deeper into the pack, but he never once lets go of the gummy worms. He just keeps snacking, unconcerned, the soft wet sounds of raccoon chewing providing an absurd soundtrack to Kaisel’s grunted wrestling match with a creature roughly the size of a loaf of bread. When Kaisel finally manages to pin Nacho and snap the collar shut, Remi pauses mid-chew, peering down from his backpack fortress like some kind of woodland judge presiding over a messy trial. Mud everywhere. Rain pounding. A dog squirming like an eel. Kaisel soaked, filthy, and exhausted.

Then as Kaisel turns, dramatic sigh and all, and levels his accusation, Remi only blinks. Then, with impeccable timing and gentle raccoon sincerity, he reaches out of the half-zipped bag and pats Kaisel’s cheek with his tiny paw—soft little there-there taps, and he offers him a gummy worm.

we're only human but we've got hands & hearts & noses
So stop and smell the fuckin' roses

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

Kaisel

With the guard rails of the mission lowered now that Nacho has been detained, so too is Remi's free for all in his backpack. Which is a decision he already made the moment the Bastion began to eat his gummy worms, but it is one he 100% is putting his foot down about the instant that wet paw with thieved candy residue pats his cheek. He bats it away hastily with all the offense of a man who has been burgled, snatching up the proffered gummy worm with a "give me that!"

With Nacho's leash looped around one hand, he trades it briefly to free his arm from one backpack sleeve, taking the leash back in that hand and then swinging the backpack around off his other shoulder with all the force of a raccoon-sized carnival ride. "That's it!" he declares, plopping the bag down and reaching to grasp Remi beneath each fuzzy armpit, hoisting him up into eviction. "Out with you."

Nacho, of course, immediately descends upon the lowered bag to see about this treasure trove of opportunity, in which Remi is definitely included.

Haters on my back like a backpack
Blowin' up I'm fucking flawless

Code stolen from Queen Sky

remi

Remi hits the ground like a furry cannonball. One moment he’s being hoisted by the armpits, stubby legs dangling in indignation, and the next he’s rolling out of the backpack in a perfectly round, perfectly chaotic tumble that ends with him sprawled on the wet earth like a raccoon who has known both glory and consequence.

He still has gummy worms in both paws. He shoves them into his mouth instantly. No hesitation. No shame. The candy disappears in a wet, frantic shove, cheeks pouched and whiskers twitching with the singular desperation of an animal whose loot is about to be confiscated.

And then, a shriek that pierces bone and sky and gods alike. "OH MY GOD, MY BABY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY?" Mrs. Thompson barrels toward them like a woman possessed, skirts flying, hair plastered wet against her face, eyes wide with maternal devastation. She sees the mud, the tangled leash, the rain, Kai’s bedraggled state, and then she sees Nacho, flopping around enthusiastically in front of the backpack as if nothing horrifying has ever happened in his life.

Remi freezes. Not out of guilt, (raccoons do not experience guilt), but out of calculation knowing there is only one solution to this impending social catastrophe.

In a sharp flash of magic, his small, rounded body ripples and implodes into feathers. The red flare of his Rarog form bursts upward in a blur; small bird, copper-bright wings, warm as a spark. He lands lightly on Kaisel’s shoulder, tiny talons gripping cloth, wings mantling once to steady himself. The aura washes out from him immediately—soft, warm, profoundly soothing—like someone opening a window in a stifling room.

Relief curls in gentle waves, smoothing the edges of Kaisel’s frayed fury.
Comfort drifts outward toward Mrs. Thompson, not erasing her dramatics but rounding them, coaxing the sharpest corners of panic into something manageable. Nacho barks once, confused, but even he seems less hell-bent on chaos.

Remi fluffs himself up—small, bright, impossibly pleased with how clever he is—and tucks his head against Kaisel’s ear in a gentle nudge of a job well done.

---

Magic: Raróg Ability | Causes an aura of happiness
Type: Light | Rank: Mastered | Cost: Action


~FIN

we're only human but we've got hands & hearts & noses
So stop and smell the fuckin' roses

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!