[RA] [SE] drawing hearts in the byline

Sohalia

The medical bay in the Dragon's Nest was stark, sterile, and white - and Soh stood out like a sore thumb.

She'd come in loose clothing that didn't rub too tightly against her healing wounds, and she sat now on a stool with a pants leg pulled up past her knee as a medic surveyed the injury. "It's really fine," Soh said as the healer sighed, glaring up at her and shaking her head. "It's healing, it's just... sore." The flesh was angry and red, but upon closer inspection, it appeared that it was healing, and the medic rose to scribble something on a chart.

"You'll live," she said gruffly, raising her brows at Soh. "But maybe stay away from angry mud monsters for a few weeks, hmm?"

Soh agreed wholeheartedly, and after promising that she would be careful, she was finally released from the healer's care. It was a relief to know that the injuries were indeed healing as she'd thought, though she hoped they wouldn't scar. Gods knew she had enough of those to deal with as it was.

It was strange, being back in Stormbreak. She'd spent the better part of the last season away from the city-region, running from the memories that wouldn't leave her be any time she came home. Even now, she kept her emotions tightly under wraps as she strolled past the barracks. Maybe Zavien would have some ambassador business for her that would send her traveling again. Then she wouldn't have to confront the feelings that threatened to overtake all her common sense whenever she was here.

As though her thoughts had summoned him, he suddenly appeared. As Soh rounded a corner, she nearly ran smack into him, stopping just short of an actual collision and staggering a few steps back. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, Zavien. I didn't see you."

Zavien

Zavien barely managed to stop in time, arms reaching out to brace the person before they smacked into each other. In a rush, he prepared to step around, a muttered apology already forming on his lips before recognition reassured him of his completed objective. "Soh." Her name came out a little breathy, panic starting to bleed into relief. 

His soldierly eyes hadn't gotten the memo to calm down yet, frantically searching her for injuries as much as scanning her face for confirmation of life. Dark, lifeless eyes flicker through his mind. Blood on his hands. The empty husk where warmth had once lived. 

The loss of Lena clawed at his thoughts, making it hard to confirm his diligent assessment, or calm the anxiety clutching his chest, terrified he might lose two people without having any ability to stop it. He had to keep his breaths from racing, keep his mind from screaming or his fears from taking hold. Still, there was a paleness to his features, all seriousness and concern radiating from him when Zavien looked her over again. "I heard you were hurt. Are you okay? What happened? What do you need?"

I learned that in suffering,
we find the true measure of our strength.

Sohalia

The sudden stop had Soh wincing, a jolt of lingering pain in her legs an unpleasant reminder that she wasn't fully healed, no matter what she might have told the medic. Still, she couldn't help a relieved smile at the sight of Zavien. He was someone familiar, someone who cared enough to come and check on her when she was hurting. That was more than she could say for some other people, and it was appreciated more than Zavien knew.

What took her by surprise, though, was how frantic he seemed to be over her injuries. His face was pale, and there was something in the way he radiated concern that made Soh think there was more to this than simply checking on a colleague. "There was a memory mud behemoth in the Greatwood," she explained. "Some of the fighters used fire on it, and I got caught in between." She reached down to lift her pant leg up slightly - just enough to see the red, puffy skin beneath. Then she dropped the fabric. "I got burned pretty badly, but Maea healed me enough to get home, and the medics don't think there'll be any permanent damage. I'll be okay."

Taking in Zavien's appearance - the frantic searching, the pale face - Soh tilted her head, a frown on her face. She hadn't heard about Lena yet, and in her ignorance, she wasn't sure what Zavien was so worried about. "Are you okay?" she asked, brow furrowed. Had something happened while she'd been traveling?

Zavien

The news sank, the danger and risk calculating through his mind. "Is it dead? Did anyone else get hurt?" He was already planning a raid or search party, considering what actions he might need to take if they were going to keep more people from getting injured. 

Swallowing the panic and protective instincts, he took in her injury. It was still an angry red, but there was fresh skin growing, and there weren't any blisters or blackened skin. She's live. 

He shook his head of the adrenaline and took a deep breath. "I'm glad you're safe. I don't think there's much more this can do, but if it's alright with you..." Zavien held up his hand, insistent but gentle in the offer of his ring. He waited only long enough for a glimmer of permission before he brushed a fleeting hand against her shoulder, letting the healing soak in. It might not mend the damage, but he hoped it might take some of the pain. Selfishly, it made him feel like he wasn't completely powerless, that he hadn't failed in protecting someone else he cares for. 

Her question drew him from the relief, responding before he could process her confusion. "No, I - " Realization hit him, everything slowing as his green eyes widened. "You haven't heard." It was more statement than question, dread settling heavy in his chest. The news had spread through Stormbreak like a wildfire. Whether it was a blessing or a curse that everyone knew of his girlfriend's death, at least he hadn't been forced to bear the burden of telling anyone, let alone someone close to her...

Steadying the thundering of his heart, the echoes of his screaming thoughts, Zavien looked to the walkway, making sure they were alone so no one would see him struggle with the explanation, wrestling with the guilt of not telling her sooner. It took a moment, his eyes focusing on little more than memories as he finally turned to Soh, jaw clenched tight with emotion. "There was an... incident in the Celestine. During LongNight. A sea panther." A hand moved to his hair, running through the strands but staying clutched like it might silence the ringing there. "Lena - she - " His throat tightened, pressure building too high everywhere as he relived the moment. 

He couldn't look at Soh, couldn't let her see into his eyes, where he knew he couldn't hide the fractured pieces of his heart, the grief that'd painted his light in a darker shade. Still, he had to tell her, and the words came, strained and full of pain. "I found her, but I was too late. Ronin couldn't save her."

I learned that in suffering,
we find the true measure of our strength.

Sohalia

"It's dead," Soh confirmed. "There were others there - it all happened so fast - I think it was just me and an Ancient - Astaroth, maybe? - who got hurt. He left right after - I don't know where he went or how to find him..." She trailed off, clear guilt at not having checked on the Ancient, at being healed when he wasn't, plain on her pretty face. Maybe Flora would know. If she remembered correctly, Asta had been one of the helpers when they'd worked to build her house.

Making a mental note to send a message to Flora later, Soh nodded to indicate her permission. Zavien's hand rested briefly on her shoulder, and she felt the wave of healing from his ring. While it didn't completely repair the injuries - only time would do that, according to the medic - it did erase the lingering twinge when her clothes brushed against the burns. "Thank you," she said, "That helped."

When the mood abruptly shifted from relief to unease, Soh's frown deepened. "Heard?" she asked, her pulse jumping. So something had happened. Something that not only had she not been here for, but that she hadn't even been back long enough to hear about. Guilt flooded her, but she managed to hold it at bay. Or at least, she managed long enough to hear the news.

She followed along easily enough, her brow furrowed as she listened. Incident... the Celestine... Lena... As the final blow fell, Soh stared at Zavien in horror, comprehension dawning as she realized just what she'd missed. "What?" It was more than just grief - and there was plenty of that - but there was also a sudden, overwhelming guilt, because Zavien - poor Zavien, who had always striven to do what was best for Stormbreak, even if it meant taking on Soh's burdens to lighten her load - had been forced to bear this burden alone.

"But - no!" she protested, shaking her head in vehement opposition to the news. "A sea panther shouldn't have -" But she cut herself off. If Zavien was telling her this, then it had to be true, and no amount of disbelief on her part was going to make it an easier pill to swallow.

Still, she couldn't wrap her mind around it. Lena had been one of the first friends she'd made when she'd left the Grounds. They'd shared many an adventure, and to realize that there would be no more...

"Gods - Zavien, I'm so sorry."

Zavien

"That's good to hear." His head nodded, absorbing the information that calmed the urge to act, calmed the instinct to intervene, knowing it wouldn't do any good now. He hadn't heard of Astaroth before, but he knew of Maea, and it was comforting to know no one had died in the battle. 

But then it was his turn to share news. 

Soh took it about as well as he'd expect, the shock and questions washing over him in waves. He braced through it, letting his hand fall from his hair as he shook his head again. A pulse of concern flowed through his companion bond, Sol debating whether he should leave his post to come. It took some convincing as he did his best to explain, "I don't know the details. It was dark, and it was already gone by the time I got there..." The Dragoons who'd investigated later had given him their report, but he hadn't been able to return himself. Not when all he saw was her. 

Pursing his lips, he took the apology with the same grace as all the others, a shifting of his feet and a flickering of his eyes. Zavien cleared his throat, soft and tight with emotion as he said, "Sorry I didn't send word. It's been a little hard to think..."

I learned that in suffering,
we find the true measure of our strength.

Sohalia

It didn't matter how she looked at the situation: it didn't make sense. All she could think was that this was a nightmare, that everything since Tarak's death had just been a bad dream that she would one day awaken from. How much loss could she be forced to bear? Her parents, her guardian, her friends, her loved ones... who would be next?

And beyond just her selfish grief, the twisting in her gut reminded her that others were hurting, too. In this case, Zavien had even more of a right to grieve than she did. Lena had been his girlfriend, someone he loved dearly (or so she assumed). And for him to have been here alone through it all while she was out gallivanting across Caido in some asinine effort to find herself...

Her apology was accepted with the grace she'd come to expect from Zavien, but she couldn't help tears from welling up in her eyes - more for him than anything, because everything was a mess, and she hadn't been here. She'd let him down, she'd let Stormbreak down - gods, why couldn't she break out of this vicious cycle that she seemed destined to repeat?

"No - of course. I just, I should have been here," she stuttered and stumbled, shock and grief still evident in the careful set of her jaw and the squaring of her shoulders. "But - okay, gods. What do you need? What can I do?"

Zavien

He could hear the guilt in her voice, recognized the layers of regret beginning to form. His head shook, attempting to keep her clear of any blame. "You couldn't have known, and I asked you to be Ambassador for a reason. We needed you out there." The smile he offered was full of sorrow, but still clinging to the desire to reassure, to dismiss others of the guilt he wore - at having failed to protect her. 

The question drew his eyes fleetingly, a moment where he had to look past the pain and what he couldn't do, to what others might do for him. It felt wrong, adrift in the sea of grief, not sure which way was up or which way might steady him from the current. "I - I don't know." Lowing his head, he sighed, clinging to the one thin thread that he'd found in the midst of it all. "I'm just trying to focus on Stormbreak right now, on making it safer for everyone..." But maybe he would fail at that too. The doubt was there, cruel and biting in the aftermath of loss. 

Knowing that the negativity wasn't going to make anything better, Zavien looked back to Soh, to the earnest request still laid out, the responsibility they now carried as leadership. His shoulders stood a little straighter, strengthened by purpose as he focused less on his needs in favor of those of the city - his people. 

Another deep breath, he laid out his thoughts, the words coming easier. "The Tower is my main concern, but there are a lot of written requests for smaller repairs. Would you mind helping organize them? To find people to do the work?"

I learned that in suffering,
we find the true measure of our strength.

Sohalia

Zavien's reassurance helped - to an extent. Soh still felt like she should have been here. Because in truth, her time away from Stormbreak hadn't had anything to do with her duties as Ambassador. She'd just wanted an escape, to go where she could get her head on straight and figure out where her life had taken her.

And in doing so, she'd failed to be the one place she'd been needed most.

Focusing on Zavien, the Luminary tried to suss out what she could do now. She couldn't change the past, but she could damn well be here going forward. She couldn't take away the guilt she could practically feel emanating off her Commander in waves, but she could do her best to help him channel that guilt into more positive routes. So she let him breathe, let him refocus, and when his shoulders squared and he started listing out things she could do - for Stormbreak, not for him - she let it go. Forcing him into feeling his feelings was something she wouldn't do. She wouldn't want someone to do that to her, and she didn't know him well enough to have any right to do it to him.

"Of course," she said. "I'll be glad to take over the non-Tower repairs. I'll get started on organizing them today, and start soliciting bids and whatnot to get some contractors together..." She trailed off, already making a mental list of the things she'd need to do to get everything on track.

Zavien

It was a relief to breath. There was no fretting or fussing, no insistence that he talk further about the situation, no empty promises that he's not to blame. It was just work. He could pretend for a moment that he knew what he was doing, that he could actually help people. 

So Zavien nodded his head, letting Soh take some of the weight as he trusted her and the other citizens of Stormbreak to handle to smaller repairs. "Okay. I'll leave that to you." It was like releasing a heavy box he'd been holding for too long, feeling the phantom strain fall away. His muscles still tensed, the effort remaining even if he had significantly less to hold, worried that if he relaxed, the strength might not return, his motivation giving way to despair. 

Running a hand through his hair, he tried to put more distance between his thoughts, adding with a forced sigh, "Be aware that the mud's been a problem here too. Apparently the Greatwood isn't the only place being affected." His eyes turned to indicate the street beyond, the one layered in a soft ripple of brown, quietly tormenting the city. He wasn't sure if it would bother her after the recent ordeal, but he didn't want the situation to be a surprise.

I learned that in suffering,
we find the true measure of our strength.

Sohalia

Soh let her emotions go for now, her concern for Zavien still very much present, but shoved into the back of her mind with all the other feelings she didn't want to deal with right now: her guilt over not being here, her exhaustion from everything life had thrown at her since the Family had arrived, her grief at the loss of another person she cared about. It all lived in a locked box in the back of her mind, to be ignored for as long as possible.

One day, she was sure it would come back to bite her. But for now, she would act as though it didn't exist.

"I think the mud's been a problem everywhere," she said, resigned to the fact that the mud was likely here to stay - at least for now. "We might be stuck with it until all the rain clears up." Drumming her fingers lightly on her thigh, Soh hummed thoughtfully. "So, it sounds like for now we're focusing on repairs, which makes total sense. We can reevaluate our efforts next season - unless you think there's something else we should focus on now?"

Zavien

The trailing thoughts converged on the linear focus on improvement, on the people he served and the few things he could do now rather than things he could no longer change. It steadied the shaking of his breath, the tremble of his hands. He stood a little straighter, letting the responsibility give him the strength to stand in the midst of everything. 

Zavien looked back to Soh, hoping she was right about the mud being temporary. But at least the citizens could work through a list of rainy-day items, slowly repairing the city in the small ways they could - one day at a time. He gave a small shake of his head, taking a deep breath like he was releasing more of the anxieties he'd guarded. "No, I think that's enough for now."

It wasn't lost on him how much he was asking of them, or how much he was asking of Soh, but he couldn't afford to fail them, and if that meant sharing the load, that's what he'd do. Still, it wouldn't go unacknowledged, and Zavien met her eyes with a sincerity that poured from his heart. "Thank you, Soh," he paused then added softly, "for staying." For choosing to stay in Stormbreak despite stepping down. For choosing to roll up her sleeves and put in the work. For standing by him. He wasn't sure she knew how much it meant to him, but he hoped the words might reach as he dipped his head, letting the strength falter for a moment. "I don't think I could do this without you." Regardless, there was work to be done, and the determination reformed, the brief lapse in composure ending with his shoulders drawing back, a new energy setting in his bones, ready to face it all. 

[FIN]

I learned that in suffering,
we find the true measure of our strength.