[SE] our chaos goddess

Contemplatin', beg your pardon

The control is impressive, Charlie easily maintaining the consistency of the wax and tallow without faltering in the conversation. She even breezes over the mention of her stoning without so much as a blink, a moment that Thal doesn't miss but doesn't emphasize. They all have their pasts, and she's much more interested in the golden age of the Ancients, unable to hide the smirk of pride for the race she's come to embrace and the goddess who gave her that. "I wish I could have seen it - to have seen Dygra like that. I'm sure it was incredible." What she would give for a glimpse.

Raising an eyebrow, she blinks at Charlie's enthused response. This time there is disbelief in her eyes, the flippant shrug of her shoulders so at odds with the bubbly embrace for life's mundane 'changes.' She bluntly points out, "Because people are so predictable sometimes, and cities don't change fast enough, and desires are rarely anything new. It just seems like there should be more." Especially if someone is going to live hundreds of years, she imagines it would be necessary to mix things up every once in a while. 

Her chuckle is a little darker this time, a shadow laced with scandalous humor coiling through the candlelit room, her thoughts following the comparison easily enough. "I can't blame them there, but my mind isn't usually on Dygra when I'm in the heat of the moment." Thal throws Charlie an amused smirk that implies she's no stranger to the dark satisfactions of sex, a glimmer of heat shining through. 

A swish of her tail and a shifting of her hip, Thal lets out another low hum of consideration. "Do you think any of that helps strengthen your relationship with Dygra? Or is it more for her? To worship and endear?" There's clearly another thought hidden beneath - a motive she doesn't speak even if it's not hard to guess at - but she tilts her head and watches the waxy substance shift around the bone, veiling her curiosity with nonchalance.

Thalassa

But there's a part of me that recognizes you

Every whiskey that you're drinking

Charlie nods, and for once the motion isn’t theatrical or exaggerated, though the sparkle in her blue eyes remains just as vivid as ever. "It really was," she says softly, warmth settling into her voice like a remembered hearth. "We all lived together, truly together, and being an Ancient was something to celebrate rather than explain or defend. There were rituals and festivals and hunts that turned into laughter and sex and children being raised by more hands than just their parents’. Everyone made sure everyone else had what they needed, and Dygra was there for all of it, not above us or distant, but with us." The smile that curves her mouth is fond rather than wistful, bright with memory instead of loss.

At Thal’s blunt skepticism, Charlie lets out a small chuckle and lifts her shoulders in a light shrug. "If people really are that predictable," she counters easily, eyebrows bouncing with mischievous suggestion, "then it should be easy enough to know exactly how to nudge them into doing something interesting, shouldn’t it?" Her grin flashes, playful and knowing, as if the idea delights her more than contradicts her.

She laughs again when Thal mentions sex not always being about Dygra, waving the notion away with an easy flick of her wrist. "Oh, that’s completely fine. Dygra isn’t like the other gods who need their name whispered every few hours just to feel adored." Her tone turns warm, almost conspiratorial. "As long as you’re embracing the entropy of the moment—which is so easy during sex, especially really good sex—that’s what matters. Desire, loss of control, the body doing exactly what it wants to do; that’s worship enough."

Charlie blinks thoughtfully then, eyes flicking to the candle as the tallow settles and smooths around the bone. "I think my relationship with Dygra is already pretty strong," she admits, a laugh bubbling up immediately afterward as she shrugs, unapologetic at how it might sound, before her smile softens as she watches the candle take shape. "The best thing I can do for her now is help other people understand her, especially with so few Ancients left."

Charlie

You'll be thinking how I burn like that

Coding obviously stolen from the queen, Sky <3

Contemplatin', beg your pardon

It's a vision Thal can't quite imagine, one so gilded in joy and carelessness that it's nothing more than a blur of laughter and smiling faces in her mind. Nothing forms clearly, distorted by time and distance that she can never cross, tainted by the comparison of their reality. As seductive as a mirage on the horizon, her eyes blink back into focus, saddened by the knowledge that no matter how far they've come, they're still a ghost of what they once were.

She looks to Charlie, seeing the wistfulness that draws her question forward. "Do you think it will ever be like that again?" If so, how long did they have to wait? When would people strive to join them rather than shrink in fear of the violence. 

With the debate on human nature having reached a paradoxical conclusion that Thal prefers to shrug aside, it makes room for the laugh that follows, brighter than before, like an unseen veil has been removed, falling away with the doubts that cling to it. It nearly surprises her with its force, her head tilting in a sharp movement that might hide how she'd let the amusement take hold. But she can't hide the glimmering blue of her eyes, the smirk on her lips when she leans into the conspiracy. "Sounds like I've been worshiping more than I thought."

Charlie's admission turns her thoughts uncharacteristically green, her head nodding briefly as she thinks quietly about her own relationship, about why she'd asked the questions to begin with. If the priestess really is that close to Dygra, and wants to help others, she can't conjure another reason to hold back, to deny what has been on her mind. 

Hurdling the raw sense of vulnerability with a near stranger, Thal releases the steadied bone to busy her hands with another portion of deer, quietly telling herself she's not like those weak confessors when she says, "I want to be closer to her - to Dygra." She clarifies as if Charlie doesn't know who she's referring to - the only deity either of them care about. Then her voice drops, playing at light and nonchalant despite the heavy reality. "There aren't a lot of people I trust in the world." The fur splits beneath her dagger, fingers digging to find the next bone. 

Shrugging her shoulders, Thal keeps her eyes down, not sure she wants Charlie to see the stupid insecurities that always give her away. "She's one of them, and there's nothing I want more than to be someone she can rely on." Even if she has to worship every day - to visit the shrine until Dygra grows tired of seeing her face - Thal wants to grow that bond and know the goddess better than she knew her own mother. 

*

Thalassa

But there's a part of me that recognizes you

Every whiskey that you're drinking

Charlie’s smile when it comes is knowing but still bright, unshadowed by pity or false reassurance, and she shakes her head gently as if setting something precious back into its proper place. "Nothing is ever the same way twice," she says softly, the words warm rather than heavy. "And understanding that is actually a really important part of understanding Dygra." Then her brows bounce, that familiar spark flaring again as her grin widens. "But," she adds brightly, "that doesn’t mean whatever comes next for us won’t be just as good, or even better."

Her delighted snicker spills out as Thal admits to worshipping more than she thought, and Charlie beams without hesitation, nodding as if the conclusion is obvious. "Oh, I had absolutely no doubt about that," she says cheerfully, tail giving an approving flick.

When Thal begins to speak in earnest, Charlie lets her gaze drift to the candle instead, blue eyes following the slow, patient way the tallow settles and smooths, giving the other woman the space to find her footing without the pressure of being watched. She hums quietly in understanding, nodding along as the words come, her expression soft and attentive. By the time Thal works the next bone free and passes it over, Charlie’s smile is already there, steady and sincere. "I have good news and bad news for you," she says lightly, taking the bone and setting it into place with practiced care. "The bad news is that Dygra will never need to rely on you. Not for anything." She glances up briefly, voice calm and certain. "She’s as powerful as Caido itself. Anything she wants in this world, she can take."

Almost immediately, her expression brightens again, quick to soften the weight of it. "But the good news," she continues, "is that means there are no hurdles you need to clear, no sanctimonious rituals or exhausting acts of devotion required. There’s nothing you have to prove."

Charlie lifts her eyes then, meeting Thal’s with quiet conviction. "All Dygra wants from any of us is to embrace who we are, completely, and to be okay with that at our core. It’s not about perfecting your flaws, or pretending they aren’t there. It’s about knowing your limits, accepting them, and understanding that everything changes and dies." Her smile curves, warm and steady. "So you live in the moment. You don’t live with regret. You live in a way that means you don’t have regrets, because you’re always doing the best you can."

She flashes Thal a quick, playful grin, as if cutting off the argument she knows is coming. "And not in some lofty, noble sense," she adds lightly. "I mean the way a lion does its best. To survive, to thrive, to take what it needs without apology."

Charlie

You'll be thinking how I burn like that

Coding obviously stolen from the queen, Sky <3

Contemplatin', beg your pardon

Thal finds it hard to believe anything would dampen the bright warmth Charlie emanates. Not even the disappointing loss of Ancient culture and prosperity can strip the smile from her face, the energy constantly thrumming even if it the contact turns softer than a spring breeze. And in spite of her own mourning, the disgustingly infectious optimism reaches Thal. The irritation and entitlement flicker and shift to begrudging hope - hope that she might get to be a part of something greater than before. It softens her features, smile daring the world to take this from her. "Then I look forward to making it a reality."

The space is a relief, the lack of interruption or judgement not going unnoticed when she rips the new bone free. The words flow easier, the need to speak them outweighing the repercussions that might come with trusting the priestess - not that she reveals more than surface level, guarding the true desperations lower. 

When she releases the bone to Charlie's possession, she finally deigns to look at her, watching the confidence and sincerity lay bare the reality of her aspirations and dig deeper into the core of what it means to be loved by Dygra - to honor her. Thal offers a smile that might have been appreciation if it weren't weighted heavy by thoughts. "Well, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's trying." - and failing. But Dygra had never seemed to care about that part, acknowledging the effort and mistakes without judgement or ridicule. 

Her only regret was that she hadn't been strong enough to prevent the failure. She hadn't been when she'd first turned and not when she'd been infected. She knows the weakness goes deeper than physical strength, the flaring emotions that never quell, sparking and catching at the smallest whim. It's something she's tried to fight, something that has gotten her in trouble more than once, even if she's vaguely aware it's the compensatory cockiness that usually does the damage. But when the feelings threaten to strike deeper than any physical wounds or infections inflicted by feigned confidence, Thal throws up her mental walls again. Maybe that's something she needs to work on...

Turning to the deer again, Thal leaves that particular piece of growth for another time. Her hand reaches into the pelt and muscle, searching for the bone in the same manner she searches for her words. "I know she doesn't need me to do anything, but I want to be part of her bigger plans, for her to want me to be involved." Fingers clasp around the tibia, the force of ripping and pulling meant to hide the silly, childish notion she speaks aloud, especially as she adds, "I want to spend more time with her - to be in her physical presence as much as I can."

Realizing that she sounds like a child desperate for attention, Thal scowls when she presents Charlie with the bone. "Nevermind. That sounds stupid." Maybe she'd dismissed the power of ambience too soon, although she'd argue that the blood and gore is doing more than the candles ever could.

*

Thalassa

But there's a part of me that recognizes you

Every whiskey that you're drinking

Charlie beams at that, genuine approval lighting her features as though Thal has just said something quietly profound. "A lot of people only ever look at outcomes," she says gently, her shoulders lifting in a small shrug that doesn’t dismiss the idea so much as soften it. "And I get why. There’s nothing worse than trying your heart out, failing anyway, and realizing no one cared that you tried in the first place." Her smile turns sympathetic rather than saccharine. "Focusing on results can be a way to protect yourself from that kind of hurt."

Her blue eyes lift then, bright and sure, and she flashes Thal a small fanged smile. "Luckily, Dygra isn’t that black and white. She sees all the little things in between. The effort, the hesitation, the choices you make when no one’s watching. That stuff matters to her, because that's how entropy works."

She waits as Thal continues, listening with a quiet, intent focus that never crowds the moment, her hands steady as she accepts the next bone when it’s finally offered. And when Thal scowls and dismisses her own words, Charlie laughs outright, shaking her head with warmth and conviction. "That doesn’t sound stupid at all," she says brightly. "Being in Dygra’s physical presence is the best."

As she takes the tibia, setting it carefully into place, her tone shifts just enough to be honest without cutting. "Dygra’s a bit above the kind of want you’re talking about," she adds softly, clearly not trying to dim the feeling behind it. "And I know that can be frustrating, especially with how all the other gods around here act." She tilts her head, considering her words, knowing that because Dygra doesn’t micromanage, she doesn’t really form those close, personal dependencies where she needs someone around or involved in what she’s doing.

Charlie smiles again, thoughtful rather than dismissive. "It’s a little like being a fish and wanting the ocean to want you in its waters. The ocean is still the ocean without the fish, and it’s definitely better with healthy ones, but it doesn’t single any one out or ask it to be somewhere specific. Thinking about it that way just...almost doesn't make sense." Her gaze lifts to Thal then, warm and steady. "That kind of connection you’re looking for doesn’t start with her wanting you. It starts inside. When you’re aligned with who you are and what you’re doing, you’re already exactly where you’re meant to be with Dygra."

Charlie

You'll be thinking how I burn like that

Coding obviously stolen from the queen, Sky <3

Contemplatin', beg your pardon

She can relate to Charlie's words, even if she doesn't like them. After all, the approval and bubbly energy are making it difficult to let her personal scrapbook of failures flash too bright. Instead, they brush past with the same intensity as the priestess's sympathy - the one that surprisingly doesn't feel like pity. There's no shame, just as Dygra hadn't painted her in guilt or blame. There's only a quiet acknowledgement of the progress made and the silent effort put forth. 

The dark blue-black of her horns catches the light when she nods her head. "It's harder to tell that there was any effort when the results don't show it." The smile she casts towards Charlie is sharp, finding humor in the pain now that time has passed. "But I suppose the bad outcomes often change us more than the good."

Her tail begins to swish in quiet consideration, her eyes flickering to the candle like she might see the goddess in its wavering heat, thinking on her failures and what they've bought her - if not positive outcomes. Whether it was her relationships, her infection, or her near death experiences, they'd shown the depth of her emotions to be both a strength and a weakness, something to be harnessed or manipulated. But regardless, they're a part of her, something she can't change, only accept. And maybe that's what Dygra has been telling her all along. 

Charlie's reassurance breaks through her thoughts, the bone releasing from her grasp along with some of the expectations of judgment, the laughter even calming her in a way that makes her fairly certain the priestess has some unknown Ancient magic. In fact, a flicker of a smile shadows over her lips at the bright agreeance. 

But it falls away at the gentle honesty, the disappointment hanging heavier than she'd expected. Her features pinch, obviously trying to grapple with what Charlie is saying. Thal had always thought of Dygra as a mother, someone who loves her children and enjoys having them visit her at shrines, but if Dygra is everywhere, all the time, then seeing her in person is just a selfish desire, a way for her to see the goddess when she rarely does. 

Thal props a hand on the table, letting out a sighing mutter. "So it all comes back to me, huh?"

Raising her gaze back to Charlie, her blue eyes narrow, playfully scolding with a hint of true suspicion. "You're too good at this."

Thalassa

But there's a part of me that recognizes you

Every whiskey that you're drinking

Charlie nods along with that, slow and thoughtful, the motion easy rather than solemn. "It really is," she agrees gently. "And as much as it can be frustrating, it’s usually better to accept that other people will never fully understand what you tried to do, or how much effort you poured into something." Her shoulders lift in a small shrug as she continues stirring, fire steady and obedient beneath the vat. "That’s where being truly confident in who you are matters most, because then you don’t feel like you’re constantly on trial, having to justify yourself when things don’t turn out the way you hoped." She smiles then, soft and knowing. "That said," she adds lightly, "I’m very aware that it’s much harder to do than it is to say."

Her gaze flicks up just in time to catch the genuine smile that shadows Thal’s lips, and Charlie’s own brightens in response, something quietly radiant blooming there as she treasures the expression without comment. It’s the sort of look she files away, not to use, but simply to remember.

A chuckle slips free of her as she returns her focus to the candle, smoothing the final layer of tallow into place with practiced ease. When Thal sighs and accuses her of being too good at this, Charlie lifts her brows and nods once, accepting it without deflection. "Thank you," she says sincerely, the words warm and unguarded. "I'm happy to chat anytime you want."

With a final flourish, she lifts her hands away from the finished candle and beams. "Tadaaa," she announces, delight ringing through her voice as the piece settles into its completed shape. Then she glances toward the doorway, tail swishing in an inviting arc. "Can you help me bring them into the main room?" So saying the priestess will rise, now covered in tallow as well as blood, but looking at all the more Charlie for it, before nodding gathering up two of the candles and waiting for Thal to do the same before leading the way back out toward the shrine.

~FIN

Charlie

You'll be thinking how I burn like that

Coding obviously stolen from the queen, Sky <3