It was indeed a poor apology, and Maea knew it. They usually required some show of remorse, of regret and a dedication to never repeating that act again. Even now she reached inward and tried to shake loose something. Anything that might shift her features, to crumple the ice in her veins and make the insults and shaming words burn. Gods, how she wanted them to bite into her with all the wrath of the semi-divine being before her.
But there was nothing but a resigned acceptance in her right now. Maybe the burn would come later, when it sank in properly. He hadn't said anything she didn't know. Selfish, cruel, morally corrupt - Maea heard him and nodded her agreement to all of it, and wished he would actually hit her. That it might actually hurt, until this numbness shattered and fell away and she fully comprehended what it meant to be alive again. Thus fully understanding the magnitude of what she had done.
[say]"I am sorry,"[/say] she said again, in that same calm, slightly aloof way. [say]"You are right. About all of it. I wish I could convey that I really am, but I can't feel much of anything right now. It comes and goes; right now it's all very distant. If it helps, I will probably feel terrible later."[/say]
Not even the part about Sunjata managed to rile her. The thought ought to blister and sting, make her seethe at implication that the love the har returned from the dead for was false; and Maea brace for it, willed it to come washing over her.
... nothing. Nothing.
And perhaps this was indeed proof that Nate was right. She was a bad person. Messed up in the head, for being able to stand and face Nate, and speak of her actions. A monster... indeed, that was a fitting term. She knew it, had always known, and the real miracle was how some people managed to miss seeing her for what she really was.
Amun... whatever good it was he saw in her must be one very convincing illusion.
[say]"Okay. Well. If you change your mind, call in the debt whenever, and however it suits you. I won't go crying to anyone. I know I deserve it, whatever it turns out to be."[/say] In fact, she wouldn't deny him anything. No matter how painful or degrading or bothersome a thing, she would call it fair and do it.
A monster on a leash. And finally someone who held her accountable.
But there was nothing but a resigned acceptance in her right now. Maybe the burn would come later, when it sank in properly. He hadn't said anything she didn't know. Selfish, cruel, morally corrupt - Maea heard him and nodded her agreement to all of it, and wished he would actually hit her. That it might actually hurt, until this numbness shattered and fell away and she fully comprehended what it meant to be alive again. Thus fully understanding the magnitude of what she had done.
[say]"I am sorry,"[/say] she said again, in that same calm, slightly aloof way. [say]"You are right. About all of it. I wish I could convey that I really am, but I can't feel much of anything right now. It comes and goes; right now it's all very distant. If it helps, I will probably feel terrible later."[/say]
Not even the part about Sunjata managed to rile her. The thought ought to blister and sting, make her seethe at implication that the love the har returned from the dead for was false; and Maea brace for it, willed it to come washing over her.
... nothing. Nothing.
And perhaps this was indeed proof that Nate was right. She was a bad person. Messed up in the head, for being able to stand and face Nate, and speak of her actions. A monster... indeed, that was a fitting term. She knew it, had always known, and the real miracle was how some people managed to miss seeing her for what she really was.
Amun... whatever good it was he saw in her must be one very convincing illusion.
[say]"Okay. Well. If you change your mind, call in the debt whenever, and however it suits you. I won't go crying to anyone. I know I deserve it, whatever it turns out to be."[/say] In fact, she wouldn't deny him anything. No matter how painful or degrading or bothersome a thing, she would call it fair and do it.
A monster on a leash. And finally someone who held her accountable.
