responsibilities

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

Jude apologizes because he means to leave the topic there, not somehow make Sohalia feel guilty or inclined to explain further. So he merely quietly watches her behind dark curls. Surprised, yes, but unwilling to interrupt if she needs to get it off her chest.

And she's right because Jude immediately feels worse, but he'd rather know. He may not see why she'd pick him over Koa, but he doesn't doubt the depths of her feelings for him either. It's a strange contradiction where he trusts her view of him more than himself, too blindly faithful to ever doubt her. Ironic, considering he puts no faith in the promises of any other person he knows. Someday maybe it will break his heart.

"Oh." Because what else is he supposed to say while he digests all of that? "I think...you did the best you could, if you wanted to do it in person. The timing just made it hurt worse." He tries to comfort her as best he can without letting himself imagine Koa - charming, roguish Koa - hearing the news of her rejection. His empathetic heart can't handle it, and he'd only met the man once. Luckily that empathy is also to Sohalia's benefit, because he smiles softly and leans down to press a kiss to the top of her knee. "I love you too. I'm just sorry that me - existing? confessing? - took something from him. And put you in that hard place." Because if anyone can accomplish feeling guilty for almost nothing, it's Jude.

A bit frantic when he sees her only grow more distressed at his agreement, Jude clamps his mouth shut in the hopes of stimying any further fuck ups until the moment she stops speaking. Then it's a requirement. "I'm not the type to make decisions at all, so you can make all the big ones for us." Maybe that will make her smile again. "Besides, why not make crazy life decisions now while we can blame it on being young? It's the perfect free pass."

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude