{se} I wonder if I'll ever stop wondering

Hotaru

I don’t care, I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)

Long has she been the only rock in this storm, propped and aided only by the earthen support of those few who would not see her utterly lost to it. Hotaru had forgotten the way this feels - the way he feels - when he is the one to keep her feet on the ground, because as his arms come around her and his raspy, tired voice touches her ear, the clamoring in her head goes quiet.

Left with only his side of the bond and the sudden quiet in her head, she feels unsteady on her feet as his hands carefully check over her, and her eyes can only helplessly come to his face. Utterly lost. "No, not hurt," she manages to mumble, and pries slowly at her side of the bond until he can begin to feel the echos of her own emotions, though they're rather muddied. Hurt, fear, dread.

"I don't know what to do." It's practically a whimper. She hasn't felt this adrift in literal years. But her hands come up without her permission, holding onto his shirt as if afraid he'll step back the moment he's sure she's not injured. "I went on a date. Two dates, actually." It comes out of her like a confession better fit for pews and pulpits, scarcely daring to blink as she searches his eyes for - what, forgiveness? "I did it all by the book. I like him. I - I even initiated and -" she doesn't assume she needs to explain what it was she initiated honestly, "- and when he tried, I couldn't. I couldn't let him touch me. I couldn't have him close." And it's clear from the way her eyes are going glassy that this is far more serious to her than her frantic words are managing to convey; luckily, her bond fills in the rest. "What if I can't, anymore? Can't - can't -" love?

Her lips begin to tremble and her hands tighten in his shirt. "What if you were the last? What if I ruined myself over you?" Because god forbid she blame him even now, it has to be her fault.

And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(But I make the same old mistakes)