{se} I wonder if I'll ever stop wondering

Hotaru

I don’t care, I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)

It should be something out of a fairytale, and if they were two different people maybe it would be. Maybe another version of them out in the universe is standing in this same spot, but it’s their first kiss, and it’s utterly perfect. The stars, the cool night air, the flowers gone silver with moonlight. But their story has chapters upon chapters already written and thumbed aside; this is no beginning, but it’s also no end. Blank pages cascade out before her and her hand hesitates, uncertain what words are supposed to come next.

He pulls away, exhibiting more strength than she has, but the intoxication scarcely fades when their emotions are intertwined like woven threads that keep her head snared in the clouds. For such a simple, if passionate kiss, she shouldn’t be trying to catch her breath - but she finds she is anyway. Blinking stars out of her eyes that she hopes are just from the ones she can see past his cheek, Hotaru swallows and slowly brings her hands down and away from his hair to rest on his shoulders. The ground has fallen out from under her feet and she doesn’t know how to bring herself back to earth; part of her, addicted to the way he has always made her feel, doesn’t want to. The other part only quails further, terrified by what she has done - just as nervous as Sunjata had been before that this will (or already has) changed things.

“Um,” she utters, and her voice is an almost comical squeak that she has to clear away as heat climbs in her cheeks and up her ears. She isn’t sure if it’s shame or fluster. Would it matter which? “I - thank you.” Maybe if they don’t talk about it she can save this. No matter how hard she has worked to be more communicative, more open, she feels that progress slipping through her fingers as she realizes how badly this could go. And, once again, it would be all her fault. But her head is clear and free of panic, and that’s all she’s asked him to do. He had fulfilled his end of the bargain. So what now?

And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(But I make the same old mistakes)