open hearts

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

That she had hurt him so deeply cut her like a knife, and Soh didn't know what to do to fix it. If she could go back, would she change anything? Were there things she could have done differently? She knew that there were, but she struggled to identify them; she'd been hurt and traumatized, and she'd done the best that she knew how to do at the time. Hindsight was clearer, and now she saw that by not telling him, she'd done the very thing she'd hoped to forever avoid: hurting him.

"No, of course not," she argued hotly. She thought nothing but positive of him, and for him to think that she saw him as someone who would somehow judge her - that broke her heart into a million pieces, and she knew she would never forgive herself for this moment. "I just - I didn't want to be weak, or stupid, or - or -" How was she supposed to explain that she felt like she deserved his disgust? That she should be seen differently? Don't cry, she told herself firmly. You don't get to cry. "I was - I was thinking all these things about myself, and I thought that's what everyone else would see, too. I was stupid, and I was selfish, and I just wanted - I don't know. I wanted things to stay the way they were."

She loved him and trusted him so much, and she ached for the sudden shift in their relationship. She could see the hurt in his eyes, the guardedness that suddenly appeared, and her eyes filled anew as she fought the urge to cry. "I don't know," she whispered. "Do you - do you want to know what happened?" No matter how much she wanted to forget, she would tell him anything, everything, if only it would make him stop looking at her like that.

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning