{se} feels like I'm sleepwalking when you're gone

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Now is perhaps the right time to talk about these old hurts. Hotaru is admittedly surprised by the admission - she'd certainly never thought of that angle before - and lets the bond open just enough so he can gauge her sincerity for himself. The way she wished she had control over in human form that day in the cells. "No. He came with me to ask for Frey to Attune me because I was scared of what I'd see. Or that I wouldn't have the strength if they didn't show up." Or, worse, that she would be denied when she'd so desperately needed her herald to believe in her if nobody else would. "Their task was to reach orgasm as quickly as possible, and they would Attune me." And though Hotaru had not been coerced or influenced, as a woman very attracted to men she'd taken over the handling of the situation based on her own desires - and it had understandably led to conception with no safety precautions.

She doesn't answer just yet, waiting for him to take her hand and stand beside her as she considers his response. Only then does she squeeze back, going so far as to adjust their hold to interlace their fingers. "Our thirties shouldn't feel old, but they do don't they?" With all they've been through it's easy to forget they're only a third of the way through their lives. More, if he becomes immortal. "It may not mean much coming from me, but just remember that it's never too late." Her thumb gently caresses the side of his own where they're tangled together. "For anything, really. Healing, loving again, having children. Even if it takes five, ten, however many years." Caido may take more than it gives, but it has always been plentiful with new beginnings.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide