I lend everyone my ear, but nobody my heart
and I sure would like to change that, but I don't know where to start
and I sure would like to change that, but I don't know where to start
She concedes the point readily in a way she might not have before the war. Someone who will protect her heart is as important as someone who can protect her physical form. And though she bites her tongue, she can't help but interject. "Sunjata and I have been communicating more than we ever have. Partially because I can finally understand how he feels when he can't say it." Because of the Attuned bond - as Deimos will know, given she only Attuned after the breakup. "It really makes clear how terrible he is with words, honestly." She tries for humor, but she knows it won't land. Not with Deimos. So she just kicks her heels against the climbing wall. "It feels different. I know that's hard to believe, but it does." And her head feels clearer when considering where she stands with the Flood. Not entirely free from her heart's intervention, but as close as she feels she can get.
“How many times does he get to break your heart?”
Ru bites her lip and exhales slowly, not quite a sigh but something more considering. She is silent for a very long time. Deimos will not accept a half-assed answer, but she also knows she can't change his grudge - would never want to - so she doesn't want to say something that will make them talk in circles eternally.
"I can't speak on his other sins. They're not my sins to forgive, nor do I have a right to speak for him." Though Deimos should not be surprised by her decision to overlook it. Hotaru's morals are even more heavily askew than the Sword's, and entirely dependent on devotion and affection. She has forgiven far worse. "But as for myself; though he has hurt me more than most lovers, he has brought me more happiness than any of them." And she loves him more than she ever did Thranduil, Ashamin, or any of the others. "I think the weight of his harm overshadows the time he made me happier than I'd ever been. But I can't forget that peace so easily." And, when paired with her knack for forgiveness, it is a devastating combo. "After the war, after how much we both lost - some of it shared - I can't begrudge him the choices he made in an effort to keep Nate safe." Hotaru can't say she wouldn't so something equally outrageous if the tables were turned. If it meant ensuring Enzo survived, or Nate. "And maybe it's foolish to think he won't hurt me again, but I still feel happy around him. Understood. He knows my burdens as much as he knows me." Turning her eyes up to Deimos at last, her smile is a touch sorrowful, almost apologetic.
Forgive your friend her stupidity, Dei.
"I selfishly can't let that go when it still feels in such short supply for me." Happiness. Peace. Things she has found bit by bit since the war's end, but which have never returned to the same levels as prior. Things she hadn't felt even before - not since Nate and Sunjata. And that's precisely why she is mending bridges with Sunjata now, because leaving him had been the end of her happiness, long before the war ever stole her spirit from her.
“How many times does he get to break your heart?”
Ru bites her lip and exhales slowly, not quite a sigh but something more considering. She is silent for a very long time. Deimos will not accept a half-assed answer, but she also knows she can't change his grudge - would never want to - so she doesn't want to say something that will make them talk in circles eternally.
"I can't speak on his other sins. They're not my sins to forgive, nor do I have a right to speak for him." Though Deimos should not be surprised by her decision to overlook it. Hotaru's morals are even more heavily askew than the Sword's, and entirely dependent on devotion and affection. She has forgiven far worse. "But as for myself; though he has hurt me more than most lovers, he has brought me more happiness than any of them." And she loves him more than she ever did Thranduil, Ashamin, or any of the others. "I think the weight of his harm overshadows the time he made me happier than I'd ever been. But I can't forget that peace so easily." And, when paired with her knack for forgiveness, it is a devastating combo. "After the war, after how much we both lost - some of it shared - I can't begrudge him the choices he made in an effort to keep Nate safe." Hotaru can't say she wouldn't so something equally outrageous if the tables were turned. If it meant ensuring Enzo survived, or Nate. "And maybe it's foolish to think he won't hurt me again, but I still feel happy around him. Understood. He knows my burdens as much as he knows me." Turning her eyes up to Deimos at last, her smile is a touch sorrowful, almost apologetic.
Forgive your friend her stupidity, Dei.
"I selfishly can't let that go when it still feels in such short supply for me." Happiness. Peace. Things she has found bit by bit since the war's end, but which have never returned to the same levels as prior. Things she hadn't felt even before - not since Nate and Sunjata. And that's precisely why she is mending bridges with Sunjata now, because leaving him had been the end of her happiness, long before the war ever stole her spirit from her.
Hotaru
