A Devil's Bargain

Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought

Jude can only shrug helplessly, uncertain. "They weren't specific, but..." well, yes. He would assume so. Even with all the lies and half-truths aside, Jude had intentionally not asked Edmund for specifics on why the confrontation had finally come to a head. It's not a burden of knowledge he wants to carry.

His disbelief is warranted, because even Jude isn't confident in his recounting of the bodies. It shouldn't be possible, but his face takes on a paler, more sickly hue. "My brother - he - his shift is -" his lips begin to tremble in an uncontrollable fashion, like he's freezing but can't feel it, which is only all the more panic inducing, "- a tiger. A m-molten tiger. I Channeled for help but I don't know if it did much or if it just...hid me." The spread hands on his thighs tighten again, because he can't waver around the reality that sits sick in his stomach. Even Koa seems ready to face it all head on, and Jude can only hope he's half as brave as the Dragoon in the next few minutes.

"I was useless," he admits in a whisper that's only audible for the size of the room. "I couldn't do anything. Couldn't de-escalate it, o-or get us away, or even fight back." His helplessness is so very real, and bile makes him swallow repeatedly, unable to force it down on the first try. He blames the collection of tears hazing over his vision on the sting of the acid in his throat. "I just had to pray, and hide and -" at last the tears break over the pitiful dam of his lashes, streaking over pallid cheeks that twinge with the way he clenches his jaw in a fit of self-hatred. Jude drops his eyes, unable to look at Koa lest the shame crush him. "Just watch as - as my brother tore them apart."

Both hands rise to cover his face, curling into himself as a sobbing groan comes up this throat. "'m gonna be sick," he whimpers, valiantly fighting back the urge as those vivid images rear their ugly heads the moment he closes his eyes, spawned by the darkness behind his palms.

I'm standing at the edge of the world
Where do I go from here? Do I disappear?

Jude