Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought
It would be easy to say it's a mercy Koa cannot hold his gaze given the paroxysm of hurt and insecurity that plainly translates on Jude's face, but it's not, because it lingers long enough that it's not hidden at all even once Jude has averted his own eyes. "Um, no," he murmurs, clasped hands squeezing interlocked fingers anxiously. "We're...on a break. Or, well, I guess I am?" He'd been the one to initiate it after all. Chancing a confused glance at Koa, Jude chews the inside of his cheek. "She didn't tell you? I told her to talk to you." Her letters had said she'd been doing a lot of thinking, but there had been no mention of Koa, and it inspires a rare expression of something verging on anger that has Jude's honey eyes brightening and jaw feathering. He's not the type to doubt people, and certainly not his (girlfriend? Best friend?) but given her history of hiding things from him, he's suddenly not feeling entirely charitable. Are harder to hide than I thought
It's a good thing then that Koa plasters on what Jude can tell is entirely faked enthusiasm, because it keeps the emotion from overtaking him. "Kebabs would be nice," he ventures with a small smile, trying for something more genuine than what Koa is drumming up, bolstered by the other young man's kindness even in his transparent awkwardness. "It sounds more exhausting to go inside and deal with bar crowds." And, in a vain attempt at chivalry, Jude opens the door to Koa's office and gestures awkwardly with his other arm in a half-bow. He doesn't want to linger on the nightmarish things he'd told the Dragoon in this office. Maybe if they get out of it, he can leave it all bottled up behind that door. "After you?"
I'm standing at the edge of the world
Where do I go from here? Do I disappear?
Where do I go from here? Do I disappear?
Jude
