Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought
Jude grimace-laughs, grateful Koa can’t see what is surely an awkward looking expression as the two mix on his face. “Uh sure. I’m not as good of a tour guide as you thought. If we get lost because the woods misdirect us, you can’t blame my bad luck.” Maybe it knows that Jude doesn’t live there full time, because sometimes it still makes him walk in circles for an hour before depositing him at his mother’s house. It’s easier to think about than anxiously agonizing over the intricacies of what it means that Koa wants to hang out with him again after this. All this. Are harder to hide than I thought
“Your analogies need some work,” he shoots back, though it’s impressively quiet for someone who thinks they’re raising their voice. Jude isn’t much for shouting. He is very good at following orders though, straightening up as well as Koa lays out the plan. It’s a good plan too - the alcohol goes up unimpeded, prompting a small amount of jealousy in the young man watching them ascend, and Jude isn’t far behind.
Arranging their long limbs in the treehouse is a bit harder when Jude climbs his way up, but even age hasn’t made the treehouse any less proficient at keeping the evening chill at bay. Jude drains his first cider in an anxious rush that will surely spell his doom, cheeks already beginning to turn a bit pink as he reaches for another, all the while eyeing Koa’s whisky curiously. Not quite brave enough to ask to try it, but with a few more ciders in him he might change his mind.
Emboldened by the quiet of the creaking tree around them and the shadows playing on Koa’s face, Jude knocks their feet together and watches him plainly. “I hope this isn’t too awkward for you,” he murmurs, fingers idly fiddling with the cider in his hands, thumbnail scratching soundlessly down the side. “Soh told me so little. I thought everything was okay, then she showed up with a broken nose and said she still had feelings for you.” And between the words he says, there are the ones he keeps behind his teeth, though they’re loud enough to parse in the silence; help me understand. “But um…I like hanging out with you. Just us.” It’s a graceless way of communicating that he wants to be friends despite it all, but Jude was never graceful to begin with. The grief and the beginning influences of alcohol are likely the only reason he says it at all.
I'm standing at the edge of the world
Where do I go from here? Do I disappear?
Where do I go from here? Do I disappear?
Jude
