Jude
and I'm sick of waiting patiently
He watches her like she's a spectacle, because he has to shut himself off from how he's feeling or he'll try to reach out to take her into his arms. He's never tried to hurt anyone intentionally before, and he feels simultaneously sick to his stomach and so vindicated that his blood feels hot in his veins. Finally he can stand up for himself, tell her everything she's done that has hurt him, balance the scales himself since karma clearly won't do it for him. Gods forbid Sohalia ever get any kind of retribution for her selfishness.
"Convenient excuse," he spits, his hand on the doorknob the only reason he doesn't step further into her space, holding himself back. "I bet it didn't even cross your mind. I bet you forgot about it the second I left. Out of sight, out of mind right?" Jude's free hand shakes where it fists itself at his thigh. "Is that why it was so easy to excuse still feeling something for Koa? Because I was here?" Because he didn't have the heart to move? Wouldn't sacrifice that final thing for her? "Because to me it looks like you chased after any other lead you had on romance because it has to fill your life every second of every day."
Scoffing, Jude takes his hand off the door only to cross his arms in front of his chest, wanting to seem like he's looming and large but coming off as hurt and defensive. If she can't see his heart maybe she can stop fucking breaking it. "Oh I think you care, Sohalia," he agrees sharply, something mean and hurt in the cut of his mouth. "But your version of caring is selfish, and you don't even know it. And you refuse to admit it. Because why would the Heart ever be self-absorbed?" Even her title is sour to him now, the metaphor of it all making his own broken heart black and angry.
"I think you're so desperate to be loved after Auden died that you'll take it from anyone who offers it. And you don't care who you hurt in the process." It's the cruelest thing he has ever said to her by far, and a bell rings in the back of his head, telling him he's overstepping - but why should he listen to it? Jude has been abandoned by all of his parents too, and he hadn't turned around and pitted people against each other the same way she had.
Against his will, his eyes well with tears, and the image of her standing before him blurs until she's more color than shape. He refuses to blink in the hopes they won't fall. "So I don't want your concern. I want you to leave me alone until you're actually sorry and ready to apologize." Taking in a sharp breath, the tears spill over against his will, pouring into the crevices of his grimace. "Please. Please just - leave me alone. Stop hurting me." And Jude lifts a hand and waves sharply down the hall, shoulders trembling. He wants her to leave - now - so he can shut his door and cry himself sick in his empty apartment where nobody can see him be so weak.
"Convenient excuse," he spits, his hand on the doorknob the only reason he doesn't step further into her space, holding himself back. "I bet it didn't even cross your mind. I bet you forgot about it the second I left. Out of sight, out of mind right?" Jude's free hand shakes where it fists itself at his thigh. "Is that why it was so easy to excuse still feeling something for Koa? Because I was here?" Because he didn't have the heart to move? Wouldn't sacrifice that final thing for her? "Because to me it looks like you chased after any other lead you had on romance because it has to fill your life every second of every day."
Scoffing, Jude takes his hand off the door only to cross his arms in front of his chest, wanting to seem like he's looming and large but coming off as hurt and defensive. If she can't see his heart maybe she can stop fucking breaking it. "Oh I think you care, Sohalia," he agrees sharply, something mean and hurt in the cut of his mouth. "But your version of caring is selfish, and you don't even know it. And you refuse to admit it. Because why would the Heart ever be self-absorbed?" Even her title is sour to him now, the metaphor of it all making his own broken heart black and angry.
"I think you're so desperate to be loved after Auden died that you'll take it from anyone who offers it. And you don't care who you hurt in the process." It's the cruelest thing he has ever said to her by far, and a bell rings in the back of his head, telling him he's overstepping - but why should he listen to it? Jude has been abandoned by all of his parents too, and he hadn't turned around and pitted people against each other the same way she had.
Against his will, his eyes well with tears, and the image of her standing before him blurs until she's more color than shape. He refuses to blink in the hopes they won't fall. "So I don't want your concern. I want you to leave me alone until you're actually sorry and ready to apologize." Taking in a sharp breath, the tears spill over against his will, pouring into the crevices of his grimace. "Please. Please just - leave me alone. Stop hurting me." And Jude lifts a hand and waves sharply down the hall, shoulders trembling. He wants her to leave - now - so he can shut his door and cry himself sick in his empty apartment where nobody can see him be so weak.
for someone that won't ever arrive
