I'll drown eventually so don't save me
It used to be her favorite thing, making him laugh. It was still satisfying, in a way. Pleasing to know that the times of tearing into one another whenever they crossed paths might be over at last, good to realize that she was capable of more than just hurting him. Maybe she would never entirely get over this man, never completely forgive him, or forget the disasters they unleashed on one another in the name of love and lust... But as Maea listened to him talk about Nate and how devastating it had been to lose his husband, she found that she just might be able to let him go. He was not dead, not beyond reach; still here and very alive, and her hands still ached with the urge to reach out for him - she knew the feel of those dark curls under her fingers, and knew that he would be just as warm and firm as the colt she'd held in her arms - and Maea Valair knew that the singular worst thing she could do was to try.
She buried her fingers in Petronella's fur instead, with a dignity she never knew she possessed.
"Purpose, huh," she eventually sighed. Turning her gaze to the sea, she contemplated the solutions Sunjata had found for himself, and how suitable they seemed. How fitting it was that the Flood would carve out a path for himself, like the unstoppable force he'd always been. He had made a place for himself, and was governing it, protecting it... Moving on.
"I'm glad. I hope you find happiness there, too." Genuinely.
She kept her face turned away when her eyes began to burn again. Catharsis came with the realization that she didn't hate him, didn't blame him for finally doing what she'd hoped that time, when she had gone away and left him behind. If she cried this time, it was for herself; for the ache of loneliness and the realization of how far she had left to go to even come close to where Sunjata was now. And while she could ask him for advice... every step she took from here on out would lead away from him, and from what they had shared, and everything she had used to dream about.
Like a candle before a raging bonfire, Maea's shoulders slowly bent under the onslaught of her own emotions. When she couldn't hold the grief back any longer, scarred and ruined hands rose to cover her face. Crying helplessly into them, powerless to carry it all within herself any longer, her small, delicate body shook from the heartwrenching sobs.
She buried her fingers in Petronella's fur instead, with a dignity she never knew she possessed.
"Purpose, huh," she eventually sighed. Turning her gaze to the sea, she contemplated the solutions Sunjata had found for himself, and how suitable they seemed. How fitting it was that the Flood would carve out a path for himself, like the unstoppable force he'd always been. He had made a place for himself, and was governing it, protecting it... Moving on.
"I'm glad. I hope you find happiness there, too." Genuinely.
She kept her face turned away when her eyes began to burn again. Catharsis came with the realization that she didn't hate him, didn't blame him for finally doing what she'd hoped that time, when she had gone away and left him behind. If she cried this time, it was for herself; for the ache of loneliness and the realization of how far she had left to go to even come close to where Sunjata was now. And while she could ask him for advice... every step she took from here on out would lead away from him, and from what they had shared, and everything she had used to dream about.
Like a candle before a raging bonfire, Maea's shoulders slowly bent under the onslaught of her own emotions. When she couldn't hold the grief back any longer, scarred and ruined hands rose to cover her face. Crying helplessly into them, powerless to carry it all within herself any longer, her small, delicate body shook from the heartwrenching sobs.
Maea
