I fear no monsters, for no monsters I see.
A lightness washed over her head but she clenched her teeth, squinting her eyes in concentration. "Accepting help implies it was ever offered." Thal placed a hand on her temple as the world spun in an unfocused blur. "People only ever offer it for two reasons: they care about the person or it's advantageous for them. No one ever came to my aid. No one ever cared enough. Because I had nothing to offer them in exchange." Her feet finally stopped moving as she stood with her back to Maea, the exhaustion and ice reaching deep into her bones. "Meaning I am not worth it." The speed of her breathing continued to accelerate, no longer holding any lingering warmth from her body as it came out in cold rushes of air.
When Maea appeared before her, she couldn't even look up, the effort needed to restrain her thoughts too much. The loneliness felt like a noose, making the world a suffocating place to exist. How could she drag someone into this darkness with her? Even if she had family or friends from her past, no one came looking for her. Obviously, she was nothing. She had nothing to offer. She had nothing to give. She was nothing but pain and anxiety masquerading as anger and indifference amongst a world that didn't care for her. Not animosity. Not love. Not intrigue. Not even polite pity. Nothing.
Thal had to grab a nearby tomb to keep from falling to her knees in the snow. Maea is but a distant peripheral thought when her words somehow found their way out. "I won't subject anyone to the torture of knowing me and I won't beg for a friend." There was no fear of the future, just a resigned acceptance of her inadequacy. The darkness of her thoughts and the abrasiveness of her personality were a compensation for the emptiness. No one would find it worthwhile to fight past her prickly exterior when there was nothing to find. She bit her lip to hold back the wracking sob threatening to escape. Thal was alone for a reason.
When Maea appeared before her, she couldn't even look up, the effort needed to restrain her thoughts too much. The loneliness felt like a noose, making the world a suffocating place to exist. How could she drag someone into this darkness with her? Even if she had family or friends from her past, no one came looking for her. Obviously, she was nothing. She had nothing to offer. She had nothing to give. She was nothing but pain and anxiety masquerading as anger and indifference amongst a world that didn't care for her. Not animosity. Not love. Not intrigue. Not even polite pity. Nothing.
Thal had to grab a nearby tomb to keep from falling to her knees in the snow. Maea is but a distant peripheral thought when her words somehow found their way out. "I won't subject anyone to the torture of knowing me and I won't beg for a friend." There was no fear of the future, just a resigned acceptance of her inadequacy. The darkness of her thoughts and the abrasiveness of her personality were a compensation for the emptiness. No one would find it worthwhile to fight past her prickly exterior when there was nothing to find. She bit her lip to hold back the wracking sob threatening to escape. Thal was alone for a reason.
because all this time the monster has been me.
THALASSA
