Maea
My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb
Tears and the hasty swipes of bloody fingers made a mess of the moons painted on her cheeks. The blood crusted and cracked in places, turning itchy as time trickled past with the crackle and snap of fading fires. She felt like a tiger in a cage, trapped not by fire or even by the woman, but by her own mind. Something like a crossroads was appearing before her, where all the choices she had been putting off or avoided waited for a decision to be made. Sometimes that yes or no meant burning a bridge, or ending a friendship, or unleashing a cascades of events like an avalanche, and there was nothing more terrifying to her than that freefall into the unknown.
"Who I am has never been good enough for anyone," she shrugged, voice coming out hoarse and as tense as her shoulders. "Not my parents, or friends, or gods, and least of all to me. I've done nothing worth being proud of." For once there was no smile straining on her lips as she turned back to look at the woman. The stranger, who so patiently listened to the outpour of insecurities despite the interruption it caused in her ritual. Maea felt a prick of shame for letting herself get so carried away. Then thought of what the petite little blonde was trying to tell her.
"I guess... all I'm feeling at the moment... is fear," she admitted. It came out like a pulled tooth, raw and reluctant. But strangely, it felt better after voicing it out loud. "I'm... afraid. Of myself. And of pleasure. And all the foolish things it's led me to do in the past. I don't... want to feel it. Because I don't want to be in pain again."
Why was she telling a stranger this? She didn't know this person. It made absolutely no sense to be pouring these truths out for judgement, but she couldn't seem to stop.
"The blood... why is it always a part of anything to do with Dygra? And the... the sex. I don't understand what that has to do with entropy." Why was it even necessary to do this digging into things she'd rather not think about at all? Why not just hunt, eat and call it a day?
"Who I am has never been good enough for anyone," she shrugged, voice coming out hoarse and as tense as her shoulders. "Not my parents, or friends, or gods, and least of all to me. I've done nothing worth being proud of." For once there was no smile straining on her lips as she turned back to look at the woman. The stranger, who so patiently listened to the outpour of insecurities despite the interruption it caused in her ritual. Maea felt a prick of shame for letting herself get so carried away. Then thought of what the petite little blonde was trying to tell her.
"I guess... all I'm feeling at the moment... is fear," she admitted. It came out like a pulled tooth, raw and reluctant. But strangely, it felt better after voicing it out loud. "I'm... afraid. Of myself. And of pleasure. And all the foolish things it's led me to do in the past. I don't... want to feel it. Because I don't want to be in pain again."
Why was she telling a stranger this? She didn't know this person. It made absolutely no sense to be pouring these truths out for judgement, but she couldn't seem to stop.
"The blood... why is it always a part of anything to do with Dygra? And the... the sex. I don't understand what that has to do with entropy." Why was it even necessary to do this digging into things she'd rather not think about at all? Why not just hunt, eat and call it a day?
And I remember thinking — I want to be like them
