[RQ] In the beginning there was darkness

Maea

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on the limb

"Because - !" she began with a note of frustration that bred a wild gesture, quickly reigned in and strapped down the moment she realized she'd raised her voice. "Because to me, chaos is... terrifying. Losing control isn't something that's ever worked out well, it only brings pain and death and the destruction of all I've ever cared about. I really don't see what's worth celebrating about any of that." Asta had received the same answer, and she remained unconvinced even though he'd insisted that there was fun to be had in there somewhere. She simply couldn't see where. "I do appreciate Dygra, don't get me wrong. She offered me a chance to live, and I've liked all the ancients I've met so far - that's reason enough for me to worship. It's just... I don't know. I never liked killing, even growing up on a farm where it was necessary."

Feeling like she was talking in circles around herself, it was growing increasingly difficult to pinpoint exactly what it was that upset her. Half giving up the attempt to explain what didn't even make sense to herself, Maea just shook her head in exasperation and watched the priestess heat up the blood instead. "That should be awful," she pointed out, "but for some reason it doesn't even make me flinch. So many things... that used to be normal and natural, suddenly isn't. And I did nothing to earn or evolve into that change." Maybe that was part of the problem. There was no segue between before and after. Only 'feeling nothing' and 'feeling everything' mashed together in her body without any gradual shift in mindset.

And I remember thinking — I want to be like them