I'll drown eventually so don't save me
He may as well have slapped her in the face. The result was the same; color drained from her face with the exception of a bright flush of red burning on other cheek. Speechless for long moments, her mind splintered like breaking glass at the insult, the reality check cracking like a pile of bricks against her head, the implication that she should just shut up and stay in her place like another good dog.
And to her utter rage and frustration, tears were prickling in her eyes, like so often when she got angry. She hated it - hated the way it came off, like she was vying for sympathy when in reality all she wanted was to kick their teeth in.
"Well," she breathed, voice quivering with too much emotion, "they probably chose the wrong profession then. And if that's what you think my reason for speaking up is - to martyr myself - then there's really no point in continuing this conversation." As if she'd done any of this for her. She didn't need a fucking audience to end her life if that was what her goal had been - there were plenty of cliffs in Caido, and a whole region full of dragons that could get that done if a dagger felt too mediocre. Oh, would that she could be that selfish. That would make everything so much easier. Instead she had to stare her own inadequacy in the face and try to come to terms with the fact that she could do shit all to protect anything.
As if she didn't know her own insignificance. As if she wasn't trying her damnedest to fight in spite of it.
Shaking her head, she turned her back on Asta and began to head back the way they had come. She didn't say anything against his trust and his obedience because there was no point. She was not a dog, and she would not follow anyone blindly. Wouldn't trust anyone to safeguard her life, because when had that ever worked well in the past? And she didn't know these people, didn't know how to let them in, and fuck if she wasn't tired of hearing how wrong she was to think the way she was.
Fuck her, right? So she'd fuck right off and spare them the trouble.
And to her utter rage and frustration, tears were prickling in her eyes, like so often when she got angry. She hated it - hated the way it came off, like she was vying for sympathy when in reality all she wanted was to kick their teeth in.
"Well," she breathed, voice quivering with too much emotion, "they probably chose the wrong profession then. And if that's what you think my reason for speaking up is - to martyr myself - then there's really no point in continuing this conversation." As if she'd done any of this for her. She didn't need a fucking audience to end her life if that was what her goal had been - there were plenty of cliffs in Caido, and a whole region full of dragons that could get that done if a dagger felt too mediocre. Oh, would that she could be that selfish. That would make everything so much easier. Instead she had to stare her own inadequacy in the face and try to come to terms with the fact that she could do shit all to protect anything.
As if she didn't know her own insignificance. As if she wasn't trying her damnedest to fight in spite of it.
Shaking her head, she turned her back on Asta and began to head back the way they had come. She didn't say anything against his trust and his obedience because there was no point. She was not a dog, and she would not follow anyone blindly. Wouldn't trust anyone to safeguard her life, because when had that ever worked well in the past? And she didn't know these people, didn't know how to let them in, and fuck if she wasn't tired of hearing how wrong she was to think the way she was.
Fuck her, right? So she'd fuck right off and spare them the trouble.
Maea
