// somebody told me that there's two sides to this life //
Closing her eyes, Maea forced down a deep breath. Feeling so twisted up inside that she didn't know whether to cry or scream or throw up on Danta's pretty carpet. She felt stuck, that was the problem. Trapped between the reality of a situation she probably had put herself in, and the kind of life she wanted for herself.
"If you're a failure or not depends on whether you put any stock on reason at all," she sighed, grinding the butt of her hand into the eyes until white flashes danced behind the eyelids. It didn't help. "You asked for my honesty, so that's what I'm doing. Saying what I think."
Another deep breath, and she pulled her head up and turned red-rimmed eyes on the Maverick, her face so far from the polite smiling mask; and if what came through was miserable and tormented, that was just another bit of truth.
"I am, yeah. And it makes me sick to my core whenever I remember, just as it appalls me that I'm still here when I know - " Her voice broke. Looking away, Maea bit her jaws together, sucking down breaths to keep useless pointless tears out of her eyes - she didn't want it to look like she was vying for pity, because she really was not.
"I don't want to live with this kind of feeling. So... if this is what Dygra is about, and if this is what the Hollowed Grounds is going to be like... then I really don't belong here at all."
"If you're a failure or not depends on whether you put any stock on reason at all," she sighed, grinding the butt of her hand into the eyes until white flashes danced behind the eyelids. It didn't help. "You asked for my honesty, so that's what I'm doing. Saying what I think."
Another deep breath, and she pulled her head up and turned red-rimmed eyes on the Maverick, her face so far from the polite smiling mask; and if what came through was miserable and tormented, that was just another bit of truth.
"I am, yeah. And it makes me sick to my core whenever I remember, just as it appalls me that I'm still here when I know - " Her voice broke. Looking away, Maea bit her jaws together, sucking down breaths to keep useless pointless tears out of her eyes - she didn't want it to look like she was vying for pity, because she really was not.
"I don't want to live with this kind of feeling. So... if this is what Dygra is about, and if this is what the Hollowed Grounds is going to be like... then I really don't belong here at all."
Maea
// I think I might've chosen darkness over light //
