// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //
His take was perhaps not entirely accurate to what her intentions had been. And as he suspected, she was not hesitant about correcting him, for no benefit other than to ensure that the picture was accurately portrayed.
"In a way, I think? But it was just as much to give him a chance to tell me what he wanted from me. And to be honest with him when I realized what I had been doing. Because everything I'd done up until that moment when we lay on the ground, I really thought I acted and spoke with good intentions. To find a compromise we could both live with, and mend the friendship... Only afterward did I begin to see how much I had been projecting my own fears onto him."
Coughing out a painful sounding laugh, Maea straightened up and reclined against the backrest of the couch, careful not to trap Remi's hand if he wanted to keep it free. "No? That's a relief... can always save arson for later." Not that she had to, it was already scratched off her bucket list. Perhaps she ought to confess about that while she was still at it, but by the time she had gathered the courage, Remi had already moved on.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she thought back. Didn't have to look far, actually; some memories didn't fade.
"Loren did, once," she sighed. "Not in so many words, but... he slit his wrists in front of my eyes, then healed himself up right away. And after I'd become Ascended... I ran into Harper. And I practically offered him my neck, when he seemed wishy washy about killing an enemy he used to know. That was not a pretty conversation." Nor had her encounter with Nephele been, some time later. "A fae... tried to kill me outright," she added, swallowing thickly. "She wouldn't give up, and I... I didn't want to die. So I killed her." Closing her eyes she could practically feel the weight of the blood on her hands. The awful feeling of being unwanted, unneeded, unworthy of both life and death. "Why do you ask?"
She could only nod wearily at the rest. Consequences... there would be plenty. From Asta, from Danta... gods, but she wouldn't be surprised if she was exiled from the Grounds altogether. Perhaps that was exactly what she deserved. Being uprooted once again, removed from the companionship of a clan, a home, a place to belong... Or perhaps that was hoping for the easy way out, when staying and suffering whatever punishment the wicked Ancients might think up for her would be far more torturous.
"In a way, I think? But it was just as much to give him a chance to tell me what he wanted from me. And to be honest with him when I realized what I had been doing. Because everything I'd done up until that moment when we lay on the ground, I really thought I acted and spoke with good intentions. To find a compromise we could both live with, and mend the friendship... Only afterward did I begin to see how much I had been projecting my own fears onto him."
Coughing out a painful sounding laugh, Maea straightened up and reclined against the backrest of the couch, careful not to trap Remi's hand if he wanted to keep it free. "No? That's a relief... can always save arson for later." Not that she had to, it was already scratched off her bucket list. Perhaps she ought to confess about that while she was still at it, but by the time she had gathered the courage, Remi had already moved on.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she thought back. Didn't have to look far, actually; some memories didn't fade.
"Loren did, once," she sighed. "Not in so many words, but... he slit his wrists in front of my eyes, then healed himself up right away. And after I'd become Ascended... I ran into Harper. And I practically offered him my neck, when he seemed wishy washy about killing an enemy he used to know. That was not a pretty conversation." Nor had her encounter with Nephele been, some time later. "A fae... tried to kill me outright," she added, swallowing thickly. "She wouldn't give up, and I... I didn't want to die. So I killed her." Closing her eyes she could practically feel the weight of the blood on her hands. The awful feeling of being unwanted, unneeded, unworthy of both life and death. "Why do you ask?"
She could only nod wearily at the rest. Consequences... there would be plenty. From Asta, from Danta... gods, but she wouldn't be surprised if she was exiled from the Grounds altogether. Perhaps that was exactly what she deserved. Being uprooted once again, removed from the companionship of a clan, a home, a place to belong... Or perhaps that was hoping for the easy way out, when staying and suffering whatever punishment the wicked Ancients might think up for her would be far more torturous.
Maea
// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //
