// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //
Picking listlessly at a seam in the pillow, Maea sat quietly, not sure what to say. He was right, probably. It wasn't as though her life depended on adapting to the old ancient ways. There were other places, other paths, and most of the options would likely be easier on her than this one. But it wasn't as easy as just picking up and moving. What about the guild Edmund had entrusted to her? What about her office, and the wealth of knowledge contained within the Atheneum? The ruins of the house she had grown up in still sat where it always had, the orchard still produced apples in the fall, and on clear days the Spire could be seen from the Temple square, looming like it always had on her horizon. To pick up and leave - again - was like saying she didn't need any of those things anymore. No different from admitting that the girl she had been - the one who had helped him plant seeds in her garden - really had died, and all that she'd been holding on to for all this time was... nothing but a ghost.
She'd have to take orders from Hadama, probably. And from Flora. She would have to learn to love a winter without snow. If Danta was right and there was crime anywhere, everywhere, she would still have to learn how to look away from the underbelly of the city, or accept this particular brand of shady for what it was. And there was the matter of her promises.
"After I was thawed from stone," she murmured quietly, staring at the pillow without really seeing it, "I promised myself that I would stop running away. I'd already promised Amun I wouldn't leave him, so I swore I would give the Grounds the chance I'd never given it before. And I'd properly give Dygra a chance, and this family I apparently belonged to - at least according to Danta - and I'd learn to change. To stop being afraid of... everything. Or at least myself." Her eyes were starting to burn. Blinking furiously to make it stop before she started crying again, so damned sick of weeping at every turn, she dragged in a harsh breath. "If I just pack up and leave now... I feel like I'd be running again. If they don't want me there anymore, that would be one things. But at least... I have to at least try."
And pray that she could learn when to let go before anyone else got hurt. Them or her.
She'd have to take orders from Hadama, probably. And from Flora. She would have to learn to love a winter without snow. If Danta was right and there was crime anywhere, everywhere, she would still have to learn how to look away from the underbelly of the city, or accept this particular brand of shady for what it was. And there was the matter of her promises.
"After I was thawed from stone," she murmured quietly, staring at the pillow without really seeing it, "I promised myself that I would stop running away. I'd already promised Amun I wouldn't leave him, so I swore I would give the Grounds the chance I'd never given it before. And I'd properly give Dygra a chance, and this family I apparently belonged to - at least according to Danta - and I'd learn to change. To stop being afraid of... everything. Or at least myself." Her eyes were starting to burn. Blinking furiously to make it stop before she started crying again, so damned sick of weeping at every turn, she dragged in a harsh breath. "If I just pack up and leave now... I feel like I'd be running again. If they don't want me there anymore, that would be one things. But at least... I have to at least try."
And pray that she could learn when to let go before anyone else got hurt. Them or her.
Maea
// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //
