Maea
You think killing is hard?
Try healing something. That is hard.
Try healing something. That is hard.
She flinched at the tone. Too soft, too sharp; Danta didn't need any daggers to make her bleed, and quite possibly his words inflicted far more pain than any weapon could, anyway.
Why was a good question. There were a thousand explanations, a hundred angles from where to begin, and she fumbled in silence for something - anything - that felt most true amidst all the ugly truths.
"... I lost myself," was the only answer that came out, in the end. "In my frantic attempts to avoid becoming something I didn't want to be, I failed to notice that I was doing all the things I hate. I projected my fears onto others. I shut out anyone who tried to help. And above all, I blinded myself to any view other than my own, deluding myself into thinking I was trying to help, when in reality all I did was forcing my version of 'good' onto him." Quiet yet clear, Maea kept her eyes on the ground near the soles of his shoes. No excuses, she had sworn to herself. No ifs, no buts, no well-meaning intentions. The only thing that mattered here was that she had hurt someone she'd been thinking of as a friend.
"Even when I genuinely thought I was trying to help, or offer a settlement... all I ended up doing was forcing manipulation onto him. I have - " her voice broke off, crackling with self-loathing, "I have never been so sick at my own actions. and I realize that 'sorry' is not going to fix anything. Even so, I am, truly, so sorry for all that I have done."
Why was a good question. There were a thousand explanations, a hundred angles from where to begin, and she fumbled in silence for something - anything - that felt most true amidst all the ugly truths.
"... I lost myself," was the only answer that came out, in the end. "In my frantic attempts to avoid becoming something I didn't want to be, I failed to notice that I was doing all the things I hate. I projected my fears onto others. I shut out anyone who tried to help. And above all, I blinded myself to any view other than my own, deluding myself into thinking I was trying to help, when in reality all I did was forcing my version of 'good' onto him." Quiet yet clear, Maea kept her eyes on the ground near the soles of his shoes. No excuses, she had sworn to herself. No ifs, no buts, no well-meaning intentions. The only thing that mattered here was that she had hurt someone she'd been thinking of as a friend.
"Even when I genuinely thought I was trying to help, or offer a settlement... all I ended up doing was forcing manipulation onto him. I have - " her voice broke off, crackling with self-loathing, "I have never been so sick at my own actions. and I realize that 'sorry' is not going to fix anything. Even so, I am, truly, so sorry for all that I have done."
You can break something in two seconds
But it can take forever to fix it
But it can take forever to fix it
