KOA
Ah, Koa thinks, and there it is, the rotted root of it all. Flora's anger flares hot and bright, the rush of hurled accusations licking like fire across his mind. It's almost better, honestly, than the contrition she'd displayed before: at least this he can respond to, can hold onto and smolder over in the dark days to come. This was never going to be a clean break, something amicable they could smile and laugh about later on. Koa's pride is too great for that.
Flora's too, it seems.
"Ok, so now this is my fault." Scoffing incredulously, Koa runs a hand through his hair. "For the record, Flora, I don't think I'm better off without you. I- fuck, I love you, and I think - I thought - that we could make this work. That despite all the stupid shit that happened when we were kids, despite me seeing Soh and your dad threatening to kill me, we were figuring it out." Gone is the still, the quiet; now Koa can feel himself vibrating, nerves threatening to burst from under his skin.
He's pacing, now, turning from her, only to circle back again. He can feel the seals on his control loosening, threatening to spill viscera and a still beating heart all over her lovely shoes. "I told you I was serious and I fucking meant it. And I thought - I thought - you felt the same."
Again he laughs, hollow and desolate, the palm of his hand pressed against his head. "But it was never going to be me, was it? I really believed that... even though I knew you still resented me, I thought if I just tried hard enough, that I maybe I could prove--" Their past was always going to be there, working against them. He'd been a fool, ignored the signs, and now perhaps he deserves the dull ache in his chest. "And the whole time there was someone else, and I didn't even know. Gods, I'm such an idiot. I never had a chance."
Flora's too, it seems.
"Ok, so now this is my fault." Scoffing incredulously, Koa runs a hand through his hair. "For the record, Flora, I don't think I'm better off without you. I- fuck, I love you, and I think - I thought - that we could make this work. That despite all the stupid shit that happened when we were kids, despite me seeing Soh and your dad threatening to kill me, we were figuring it out." Gone is the still, the quiet; now Koa can feel himself vibrating, nerves threatening to burst from under his skin.
He's pacing, now, turning from her, only to circle back again. He can feel the seals on his control loosening, threatening to spill viscera and a still beating heart all over her lovely shoes. "I told you I was serious and I fucking meant it. And I thought - I thought - you felt the same."
Again he laughs, hollow and desolate, the palm of his hand pressed against his head. "But it was never going to be me, was it? I really believed that... even though I knew you still resented me, I thought if I just tried hard enough, that I maybe I could prove--" Their past was always going to be there, working against them. He'd been a fool, ignored the signs, and now perhaps he deserves the dull ache in his chest. "And the whole time there was someone else, and I didn't even know. Gods, I'm such an idiot. I never had a chance."
With each love I cut loose, I was never the same
Watching still living roots be consumed by the flame
Watching still living roots be consumed by the flame
