You stood by me patiently waiting and broken
The moment his arms wrap around her, the strength of their embrace immediate after the hesitation of closed eyes and uncertainty, Hotaru shoves her face into his chest and holds him with arms that shake with how hard they press. Each stuttering breath brings his scent - his scent, which never changed for her after Frey’s blessing, because Sunjata alone has always been what she most desires - deeper into her lungs where it soothes the fear of illusion away.
Liefde cracks a sound out of her on her next exhale that is too sharp to be a sob, a keening note of pained relief. Always. Always, you have me. But Hotaru had feared - still fears - that he won’t want that after everything. No matter whether she’d been in control or not. Whether she’d been stopped. So it’s equally ludicrous that he seems to be afraid of her judgment, and her head shakes violently, hair mussing up between them as her fingertips dig into his spine like she can rip the guilt out from his vertebrae.
No, don’t be sorry. It would have hurt worse to know I made you see more of it. Sure they can’t look at each other even now, but temporary measures and slow exposure are easier to weather than undoing a trauma that great. Nate…I understand why you used them. It hurt to think I didn’t belong, she admits, though that vulnerability is still acid on her tongue even with Sunjata, but nothing else would have worked. I love them - I love you - too much. Ru hiccups a laugh and digs her wet face into Sunjata’s shirt. Maybe it was their way of looking out for us. I don’t know - I just…it’s okay. It’s too hard to think of anything more explanatory or graceful with her head how it is. She just needs him to know that in totality, there’s no blame in her heart. Not for him at least.
Liefde cracks a sound out of her on her next exhale that is too sharp to be a sob, a keening note of pained relief. Always. Always, you have me. But Hotaru had feared - still fears - that he won’t want that after everything. No matter whether she’d been in control or not. Whether she’d been stopped. So it’s equally ludicrous that he seems to be afraid of her judgment, and her head shakes violently, hair mussing up between them as her fingertips dig into his spine like she can rip the guilt out from his vertebrae.
No, don’t be sorry. It would have hurt worse to know I made you see more of it. Sure they can’t look at each other even now, but temporary measures and slow exposure are easier to weather than undoing a trauma that great. Nate…I understand why you used them. It hurt to think I didn’t belong, she admits, though that vulnerability is still acid on her tongue even with Sunjata, but nothing else would have worked. I love them - I love you - too much. Ru hiccups a laugh and digs her wet face into Sunjata’s shirt. Maybe it was their way of looking out for us. I don’t know - I just…it’s okay. It’s too hard to think of anything more explanatory or graceful with her head how it is. She just needs him to know that in totality, there’s no blame in her heart. Not for him at least.
So deeply in love with every face that I've shown
Hotaru
