Zavien
Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.
Her apology rattled against his brain, sounding all wrong. He shook his head emphatically, the pain and regret written all over his face as he looked to Lena. "No. I'm sorry." For being a fool, for worrying her, for leaving to begin with. Swallowing down the onslaught of words, he took a shaky breath. "I almost - " 'died'. But that wasn't right, because he had died. He'd failed her in the worst way possible. He'd almost ruined everything. An anguished scrunch of his face could be glimpsed before he dropped his head, too ashamed to meet her eyes.
As for what came next... "I - I don't know." It was so weak, just another reason he hadn't been ready. Zavien clasped his hands behind his head, trying to contain the negativity clanging loudly in his head through pure strength. "I'm not strong enough. Stormbreak is falling farther into darkness, and I can't even fight a single monster without - " 'dying'. His throat caught, his calm composure starting to crack with the weight of his emotion. Sol let out a soft wine, pushing closer into his side for comfort. It took everything in him not to break down as he finally said, "I - Lena - I think I have to leave." Deimos's words rang in his head, the need to get better, to get stronger; and he couldn't do that if he was constantly looking over his shoulder, uncertain whether the Family would come for him.
Turning to face her more fully, he gently reached for her hands if she'd let him. He didn't know how she'd take his request, and his eyes still brimmed with the pain of the decision, but he pulled enough strength to say the words. "I know it's not fair for me to ask you to come with me. The Celestine is here. Your friends and family are here. The Dragoons are here. Your life is here." His was too. Everything he'd ever loved or dreamed of was here in Stormbreak, making it all the more difficult, yet he knew it was the best thing for him right now. Taking another shaky breath, Zavien's throat tightened again, making his words come out strained and broken. "I just - I need to leave, but I can't go without you." His green eyes glittered with the unspoken depth of his feelings for her, and what he was asking.
Unable to hear her answer yet, he glanced down at their hands, fumbling on. "I realized when I - " His mouth opened as if he might say the word this time, but it constricted against his chest, forcing him to exhale before rephrasing. " - when I came back, that I care too much about you to let go." To give in to death and its infinite finality. To let her go.
His voice lowered, heavy with emotion as he said her name, "Lena..." Zavien turned his head up to meet her eyes again, fear and compassion and every ounce of sincerity in his body swam in the depth of his gaze. Despite every warning bell that said she may not feel the same, he stepped off the ledge. "I love you." It felt unfair to say after recent events, but he couldn't keep the words hidden any longer. His heart hurt more than anything he'd ever experience (death included). When people talked about love, they spoke of softness and floating disembodiment that gave life a rosy hue. Why didn't they talk about the gut-wrenching hold Lena had placed on his soul? How he was excruciatingly aware of her every movement and emotion? How he longed for the pain of it all because he knew what it meant? That he was alive, and in love with the perfect woman? And if she didn't feel the same....? Zavien tried not to think about it as he searched her beautiful brown eyes for an answer.
As for what came next... "I - I don't know." It was so weak, just another reason he hadn't been ready. Zavien clasped his hands behind his head, trying to contain the negativity clanging loudly in his head through pure strength. "I'm not strong enough. Stormbreak is falling farther into darkness, and I can't even fight a single monster without - " 'dying'. His throat caught, his calm composure starting to crack with the weight of his emotion. Sol let out a soft wine, pushing closer into his side for comfort. It took everything in him not to break down as he finally said, "I - Lena - I think I have to leave." Deimos's words rang in his head, the need to get better, to get stronger; and he couldn't do that if he was constantly looking over his shoulder, uncertain whether the Family would come for him.
Turning to face her more fully, he gently reached for her hands if she'd let him. He didn't know how she'd take his request, and his eyes still brimmed with the pain of the decision, but he pulled enough strength to say the words. "I know it's not fair for me to ask you to come with me. The Celestine is here. Your friends and family are here. The Dragoons are here. Your life is here." His was too. Everything he'd ever loved or dreamed of was here in Stormbreak, making it all the more difficult, yet he knew it was the best thing for him right now. Taking another shaky breath, Zavien's throat tightened again, making his words come out strained and broken. "I just - I need to leave, but I can't go without you." His green eyes glittered with the unspoken depth of his feelings for her, and what he was asking.
Unable to hear her answer yet, he glanced down at their hands, fumbling on. "I realized when I - " His mouth opened as if he might say the word this time, but it constricted against his chest, forcing him to exhale before rephrasing. " - when I came back, that I care too much about you to let go." To give in to death and its infinite finality. To let her go.
His voice lowered, heavy with emotion as he said her name, "Lena..." Zavien turned his head up to meet her eyes again, fear and compassion and every ounce of sincerity in his body swam in the depth of his gaze. Despite every warning bell that said she may not feel the same, he stepped off the ledge. "I love you." It felt unfair to say after recent events, but he couldn't keep the words hidden any longer. His heart hurt more than anything he'd ever experience (death included). When people talked about love, they spoke of softness and floating disembodiment that gave life a rosy hue. Why didn't they talk about the gut-wrenching hold Lena had placed on his soul? How he was excruciatingly aware of her every movement and emotion? How he longed for the pain of it all because he knew what it meant? That he was alive, and in love with the perfect woman? And if she didn't feel the same....? Zavien tried not to think about it as he searched her beautiful brown eyes for an answer.
