Lena
// what is to give light must endure burning //
Amidst the doldrums echoing through the Caretaker’s head, the leaving part had never once entered her mind. She recoiled back, dashing away a few tears, glancing at him with a host of confusion mottled across her flushed cheeks and damp eyes. “L-leave?” Maybe it was insane, to believe themselves so thoroughly necessary to Stormbreak, to the rebellion slinking through, to the sedition now starved and ignited simultaneously; threads so knotted and gnarled she wouldn’t know how to untangle them nowadays. The pragmatic side of her yearned to bubble over the emotional, toiling aspects, and she didn’t flinch again, finding strength in herself as she wound her fingers together, hands in her lap; just as she’d done with Harper all those seasons ago. “But – after everything we’ve worked for and tried -,” she swallowed sentiments down, then leaned further into the fold. “I abandoned her council and she didn’t come after me. Look what happened with Koa, and Soh, and they haven’t come after them again. If they think you’re dead - ,” then maybe he could hide or pretend nothing ever happened. Wool over their eyes. His name hadn’t been on the broadcast.
The cold reality that he’d simply been the one labeled dead hammered against her chest. “Let’s talk to Koa before we decide anything -,” pulling at whatever strings she could to not have her foundation destroyed from underneath her. She’d already had these moments that time before – wondering if she’d need to abandon the Celestine, everything she’d ever yearned, craved, and strived for – maybe it had been foolish then and it was stupefying now, but to hear Zavien willing to do so barbed at her throat and her senses, so much that she barely heard the rest of the words. Rooted in her stubbornness and heartache, wrenched apart until the phrases echoed and bounded and he was staring straight at her – “What?”
The shame and deliberation stung at her, because she didn’t know what to say. Were they both in better temperaments or moods or not spiraling at the seams, the moments would’ve been far more tender – now it was just raw and gaping at her. “I -,” haven’t known you that long and how could you possibly clawed at her ribcage, because she knew he was certain and true but gods between he’d told her died and now this, she’d had only the expanse of minutes and instances. Swallowing down another tremor and losing sight of her reasoning, she choked down another breath. “Can – can I have a moment?”
The cold reality that he’d simply been the one labeled dead hammered against her chest. “Let’s talk to Koa before we decide anything -,” pulling at whatever strings she could to not have her foundation destroyed from underneath her. She’d already had these moments that time before – wondering if she’d need to abandon the Celestine, everything she’d ever yearned, craved, and strived for – maybe it had been foolish then and it was stupefying now, but to hear Zavien willing to do so barbed at her throat and her senses, so much that she barely heard the rest of the words. Rooted in her stubbornness and heartache, wrenched apart until the phrases echoed and bounded and he was staring straight at her – “What?”
The shame and deliberation stung at her, because she didn’t know what to say. Were they both in better temperaments or moods or not spiraling at the seams, the moments would’ve been far more tender – now it was just raw and gaping at her. “I -,” haven’t known you that long and how could you possibly clawed at her ribcage, because she knew he was certain and true but gods between he’d told her died and now this, she’d had only the expanse of minutes and instances. Swallowing down another tremor and losing sight of her reasoning, she choked down another breath. “Can – can I have a moment?”
