Zavien
Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.
It broke his heart to see the tears running down her face, to know that he was the cause of them. Who was he to ask this of her? Zavien wanted to wipe the tears and pain from her eyes, only containing his actions so she'd have the space to process. Maybe he didn't deserve to comfort her. Maybe he should have stayed away.
Ever the strategic soldier, he pushed away the doubts and biases, focusing on the facts. "It wouldn't be permanent, just until I can regain my strength, so we can safely plan without having to look over our shoulders." He'd had plenty of time to think about the decision on the trip back to Stormbreak, and he tried to explain himself despite every instinct that told him to stay. Chest tightening, he continued hurriedly, pleading, "Lena, they're getting more desperate. They're infecting more people and lashing out." He pulled his reddening hands apart to press the palms against his dark-rimmed eyes. "Soh was severely injured. I'm not sure when, or even if, her plans will take place. Can you say with certainty that we'll be safe here?" That she'll be safe here? The pain and fear were raw as he lowered his hands to look into Lena's eyes again, willing her to understand that he hadn't come to the decision easily, that he wished with everything that it wasn't necessary.
Her blunt use of the word made him flinch imperceptibly as he looked around at the empty room, wondering if they were being watched during their vulnerable moment. Call him paranoid, but things hadn't felt safe in so long, and his eyes had been opened to the consequences. It made his teeth clench, nerves eating at what little calm he'd been able to grasp. "Even if they believe that, they have eyes everywhere - they probably already know I'm back. My name might not have been on the last broadcast, but who's to say it won't be on the next?" They had become bolder than he even knew, but everyone could feel the tensions rising in Caido, the scales tipping ever so slightly.
Meanwhile, his own life was falling apart at the seams. Zavien could feel Lena slipping through his fingers, pulling away with his words, throwing his world into a tailspin. His head shook faster, breath speeding through his racing heart as he begged. "Please, please, don't answer now. I know it's soon. I know I'm saying all this at the worst possible time." His words came quickly, spurned by fear for what her answer might be. Zavien had always been one to feel emotions in full force, to know what he wanted in life; but others didn't have that same luxury or death-induced clarity. The fact that he'd ever thought Lena might be ready to hear it aloud was a mistake that may cost him dearly, and he tried his best not to think of what that cost may be. She was still here, in front of him. That's what mattered right now. His voice softened as he looked down at her trembling hands, the butterflies in his chest having turned to tightening vines that threatened to crush him. "I just - I couldn't go another moment without telling you how I feel." It was such a selfish, awful thing to admit. He was the one causing her pain, yet he couldn't stop thinking of that darkness and all he'd regretted.
'Some of my final thoughts were of you...' The words rang through his head, but he refused to burden her further.
Glancing up at her stricken face, Zavien rambled on, "I don't expect you to feel the same. We haven't been dating that long, and gods know this isn't my most attractive moment." If the atmosphere wasn't so heavy, he might have let the self-deprecating laugh escape, but only a strained smile managed to form on his lips. It died immediately as his eyes misted over, breaths struggling to gather in his lungs. "I just - I want you to know - in case - " In case she decided she can't handle his fresh trauma, or the risk associated with it. In case he died again before getting the chance to tell her the truth. The thoughts sent a throng of panic through him, rattling him enough to strip him of breath entirely as he cradled his throbbing head in his hands. Through pure willpower, he inhaled, sucking together the pieces that attempted to shatter around him.
Ever the strategic soldier, he pushed away the doubts and biases, focusing on the facts. "It wouldn't be permanent, just until I can regain my strength, so we can safely plan without having to look over our shoulders." He'd had plenty of time to think about the decision on the trip back to Stormbreak, and he tried to explain himself despite every instinct that told him to stay. Chest tightening, he continued hurriedly, pleading, "Lena, they're getting more desperate. They're infecting more people and lashing out." He pulled his reddening hands apart to press the palms against his dark-rimmed eyes. "Soh was severely injured. I'm not sure when, or even if, her plans will take place. Can you say with certainty that we'll be safe here?" That she'll be safe here? The pain and fear were raw as he lowered his hands to look into Lena's eyes again, willing her to understand that he hadn't come to the decision easily, that he wished with everything that it wasn't necessary.
Her blunt use of the word made him flinch imperceptibly as he looked around at the empty room, wondering if they were being watched during their vulnerable moment. Call him paranoid, but things hadn't felt safe in so long, and his eyes had been opened to the consequences. It made his teeth clench, nerves eating at what little calm he'd been able to grasp. "Even if they believe that, they have eyes everywhere - they probably already know I'm back. My name might not have been on the last broadcast, but who's to say it won't be on the next?" They had become bolder than he even knew, but everyone could feel the tensions rising in Caido, the scales tipping ever so slightly.
Meanwhile, his own life was falling apart at the seams. Zavien could feel Lena slipping through his fingers, pulling away with his words, throwing his world into a tailspin. His head shook faster, breath speeding through his racing heart as he begged. "Please, please, don't answer now. I know it's soon. I know I'm saying all this at the worst possible time." His words came quickly, spurned by fear for what her answer might be. Zavien had always been one to feel emotions in full force, to know what he wanted in life; but others didn't have that same luxury or death-induced clarity. The fact that he'd ever thought Lena might be ready to hear it aloud was a mistake that may cost him dearly, and he tried his best not to think of what that cost may be. She was still here, in front of him. That's what mattered right now. His voice softened as he looked down at her trembling hands, the butterflies in his chest having turned to tightening vines that threatened to crush him. "I just - I couldn't go another moment without telling you how I feel." It was such a selfish, awful thing to admit. He was the one causing her pain, yet he couldn't stop thinking of that darkness and all he'd regretted.
'Some of my final thoughts were of you...' The words rang through his head, but he refused to burden her further.
Glancing up at her stricken face, Zavien rambled on, "I don't expect you to feel the same. We haven't been dating that long, and gods know this isn't my most attractive moment." If the atmosphere wasn't so heavy, he might have let the self-deprecating laugh escape, but only a strained smile managed to form on his lips. It died immediately as his eyes misted over, breaths struggling to gather in his lungs. "I just - I want you to know - in case - " In case she decided she can't handle his fresh trauma, or the risk associated with it. In case he died again before getting the chance to tell her the truth. The thoughts sent a throng of panic through him, rattling him enough to strip him of breath entirely as he cradled his throbbing head in his hands. Through pure willpower, he inhaled, sucking together the pieces that attempted to shatter around him.
