Zavien
Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.
He didn't say it, but time was one of the only things he couldn't truly give her. There was no telling if or when the Family would strike, or if Stormbreak would survive whatever they had planned. The presence of Pierce and Vox already put him on edge, wondering if there was more going on. Then to add the increase in infections? How was he supposed to convince Lena that they couldn't save their home if they didn't protect themselves first? Or that he didn't know if he'd be able to if he lost her?
Zavien suddenly wished he knew what his mother's secret had been, smiling through every punch life had thrown at her. He should have asked. Maybe then he wouldn't have to hang his head, hiding the single tear that he refused to let fall. His voice was resigned, weak and strained with the pain of what felt like a decision. "I understand..." And he did, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Because Lena wouldn't be the person he loved if she wasn't so passionate and driven, even if that passion was now threatening to tear them apart. To tear him apart from the inside.
Had he ruined everything?
Clutching the edge of the counter, his head felt light, pulling him out of his body to spare what pain might come next. The darkness under his eyes had deepened, his shoulders shaking with every breath. "Maybe I - maybe I should leave..." Everything in him hoped she would contradict him, asking him to stay so that they might spend whatever time they still had together; but he wouldn't let his presence be a source of discomfort or confusion for her. As much as he wanted to fold her into his arms and shut the world out, he couldn't expect her to be able to do the same.
He didn't know where he would go. Home seemed too dark, leaving him to his own dangerous thoughts and worries - worst of all, the memories. The Celestine would be preferable with its many occupants and healing atmosphere - if everywhere he looked didn't remind him of big brown eyes full of sadness. The Dragon's Nest was too public, practically announcing his return to the whole city; but perhaps he could secretly find Koa, the friend who might understand his pain - the need to leave, the ache of a heart. All this raced through his mind as he waited for Lena to dismiss him like a puppy who'd chewed all of her shoes then offered her the tattered remains as a show of love.
Zavien suddenly wished he knew what his mother's secret had been, smiling through every punch life had thrown at her. He should have asked. Maybe then he wouldn't have to hang his head, hiding the single tear that he refused to let fall. His voice was resigned, weak and strained with the pain of what felt like a decision. "I understand..." And he did, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Because Lena wouldn't be the person he loved if she wasn't so passionate and driven, even if that passion was now threatening to tear them apart. To tear him apart from the inside.
Had he ruined everything?
Clutching the edge of the counter, his head felt light, pulling him out of his body to spare what pain might come next. The darkness under his eyes had deepened, his shoulders shaking with every breath. "Maybe I - maybe I should leave..." Everything in him hoped she would contradict him, asking him to stay so that they might spend whatever time they still had together; but he wouldn't let his presence be a source of discomfort or confusion for her. As much as he wanted to fold her into his arms and shut the world out, he couldn't expect her to be able to do the same.
He didn't know where he would go. Home seemed too dark, leaving him to his own dangerous thoughts and worries - worst of all, the memories. The Celestine would be preferable with its many occupants and healing atmosphere - if everywhere he looked didn't remind him of big brown eyes full of sadness. The Dragon's Nest was too public, practically announcing his return to the whole city; but perhaps he could secretly find Koa, the friend who might understand his pain - the need to leave, the ache of a heart. All this raced through his mind as he waited for Lena to dismiss him like a puppy who'd chewed all of her shoes then offered her the tattered remains as a show of love.
