Zavien
Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.
He understood Tal's concerns, having thought of them all himself. His hands continued kneading together, burdened with knowledge and worries. "Koa's been busy with Dragoon business, so he wasn't able to attend. And I - I haven't had a moment to tell him..." Koa would be devastated, and he was already so overworked and overwhelmed with how things had ended with Flora... Zavien just couldn't bring himself to pile more on his plate until they had a one-on-one conversation, and he didn't know when that would be.
To hear that he wasn't overreacting was a relief, but it only led him back to the decision to leave Stormbreak. It broke his heart to think about leaving Lena there alone, to leave his home regardless, even if Tal agreed with him. Nodding his head, he looked down again. "I - You're probably right... I just - " The truth bubbled up as a particularly embarrassing and vulnerable thought surfaced. Before he could let the anxieties clamp down the words, Zavien whispered, "I don't want to be alone..." His head hung, weighed by the reality that death had placed on him. He was scared. He was filled to the brim with worries about everything and everyone. And he was fearful of the thoughts and memories that continued to darken his mind. Without someone to pull him out, would he be able to stay the course? To focus on getting stronger? To get back into the fight?
"No..." Because Lena hadn't asked him to stay. He almost wished she had; then he might have felt like she wanted to help him through everything. Instead, he felt like a villain, a burden, making her choose whether she cared more about him or the Celestine. How was she supposed to choose him when they'd only just started dating? It was such a selfish hope that he could do nothing but blame himself for the resulting pain.
To hear that he wasn't overreacting was a relief, but it only led him back to the decision to leave Stormbreak. It broke his heart to think about leaving Lena there alone, to leave his home regardless, even if Tal agreed with him. Nodding his head, he looked down again. "I - You're probably right... I just - " The truth bubbled up as a particularly embarrassing and vulnerable thought surfaced. Before he could let the anxieties clamp down the words, Zavien whispered, "I don't want to be alone..." His head hung, weighed by the reality that death had placed on him. He was scared. He was filled to the brim with worries about everything and everyone. And he was fearful of the thoughts and memories that continued to darken his mind. Without someone to pull him out, would he be able to stay the course? To focus on getting stronger? To get back into the fight?
"No..." Because Lena hadn't asked him to stay. He almost wished she had; then he might have felt like she wanted to help him through everything. Instead, he felt like a villain, a burden, making her choose whether she cared more about him or the Celestine. How was she supposed to choose him when they'd only just started dating? It was such a selfish hope that he could do nothing but blame himself for the resulting pain.
