Zavien
Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil.
He doesn't quite believe Koa's words, but he nods nonetheless, hoping he might find a way to forgive himself one day. For all the stupid mistakes he's made. Although that day feels very far off right now.
The interjection is met with a short, defensive explanation. "It wouldn't be forever; just until I could get my strength back." He knows that Koa with understand, as did Deimos and Tal, but Lena had made him feel guilty about it, like he was running away or screwing things up. Honestly, nothing had gone right during their discussions.
His friend's support is greatly appreciated, making him feel slightly less alone with it all, like sharing the burden with someone who knows his pains might convince him that everything will work out in the end. But the question is met with another wince as he shakes his head. "Nothing. She asked for a minute... then we haven't talked about it since."
Sighing around the hole slowly growing in his chest, the way he feels like everything is slipping through his fingertips, Zavien continues, "I know I sprung everything on her at once, but even after LongNight, it feels like she wants to pretend like it never happened..." His death, his confession, and the resulting shifts. "To just keep pushing on." Part of him - the part who fell in love with her - admires her tenacity and resilience, her willingness to strive even against adversity; but the other part of him just wishes she had just hugged him and asked how he was doing. He didn't want to be coddled, but it would have been nice to know that she cared enough to check on him mentally. Because he's not doing okay, and he knows that. The nightmares and crippling fear are indication enough.
Zavien shrugs his shoulders as if it might cast aside the weight that's settled there. "Even this morning... she kept talking about staying 'together' to fight - " Against the Family. In Stormbreak, where he feels like he has to tiptoe around every corner. Shaking his head, he kneads his hands together, his voice soft. "But I don't think she understands that I'm not in the right headspace for that right now..." To stay trapped under the Family's roof, to rally for a fight, to be of any use. He just needs space, and a moment to get his feet back under him.
The interjection is met with a short, defensive explanation. "It wouldn't be forever; just until I could get my strength back." He knows that Koa with understand, as did Deimos and Tal, but Lena had made him feel guilty about it, like he was running away or screwing things up. Honestly, nothing had gone right during their discussions.
His friend's support is greatly appreciated, making him feel slightly less alone with it all, like sharing the burden with someone who knows his pains might convince him that everything will work out in the end. But the question is met with another wince as he shakes his head. "Nothing. She asked for a minute... then we haven't talked about it since."
Sighing around the hole slowly growing in his chest, the way he feels like everything is slipping through his fingertips, Zavien continues, "I know I sprung everything on her at once, but even after LongNight, it feels like she wants to pretend like it never happened..." His death, his confession, and the resulting shifts. "To just keep pushing on." Part of him - the part who fell in love with her - admires her tenacity and resilience, her willingness to strive even against adversity; but the other part of him just wishes she had just hugged him and asked how he was doing. He didn't want to be coddled, but it would have been nice to know that she cared enough to check on him mentally. Because he's not doing okay, and he knows that. The nightmares and crippling fear are indication enough.
Zavien shrugs his shoulders as if it might cast aside the weight that's settled there. "Even this morning... she kept talking about staying 'together' to fight - " Against the Family. In Stormbreak, where he feels like he has to tiptoe around every corner. Shaking his head, he kneads his hands together, his voice soft. "But I don't think she understands that I'm not in the right headspace for that right now..." To stay trapped under the Family's roof, to rally for a fight, to be of any use. He just needs space, and a moment to get his feet back under him.
