only a man lookin' for a dream

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

Soh's eyes widened slightly as Koa misunderstood; she hadn't meant when she was sick, but rather before - right after she'd left the Grounds, back before Stormbreak, or Jude, or Koa, or any of her past mistakes. But he wasn't wrong, either - she had been here for a time when she was sick, though she didn't remember most of it. Blinking down at their joined hands, Soh squeezed his fingers in return. "I have far more to apologize for than you ever did," Soh said after a moment. "But thank you - it means a lot. All of this," she added, gesturing between them with her free hand. "This is - this is really nice, Koa."

The waiter chose that moment to return, their drinks in hand, and Soh reluctantly released Koa's hand to accept her teacup with a word of thanks. For a moment, she gazed down at her drink, brows knitted together in thought. Things were going so well, and she didn't want to ruin anything by bringing up the past - or the future, for that matter. But there were so many things between them, things left unsaid, and before they embarked on... whatever rebellious, revolutionary adventure they were headed towards, she wanted to clear the air.

"Koa..." Soh said after a moment, pausing to take a deep breath. "I meant what I said before. I was horrible to you in the past, and I'm truly sorry for that, more than I could ever explain. I just... I just want you to know that I..." Gods, why was this so hard? Her heart raced in her chest as she forced herself to meet his familiar copper gaze. "I really missed you." As a friend? As a lover? She couldn't bring herself to say anything more, not without gauging some kind of reaction. Would this be the moment where she ruined it all again? Or was there still a chance that they could move forward together, in whatever way that might be?

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia