MAEA
Maea's hands hesitated over a teapot, freezing halfway into the act of adding leaves to be steeped. It wasn't really that it was terrible to recognize patterns in her own behavior, it was the fact that she saw them and didn't know how to change them that brought about the unease. Like watching a viper slither down the path towards you, not knowing whether to leap over it, kill it or turn around to let it have the path. "I - I don't know," she admitted. "It's - look, these things, they're sort of, the same? Or at least related, I think. Something did happen the other day, yes, it's why I wrote to you. And it has everything to do with noticing the signs but not knowing what to do next."
Turning around to face Elizabeth, the ancient leaned back against the counter, arms loosely cradling herself to soothe the shame and unease it brought on to recall the incident. "I had gone out into the woods to be alone, I was in a terrible mood and had to let off some steam. Then this guy I've met only briefly before showed up, and started asking how I was, if I needed help - and I completely lost it. Snapped at him, said horrible things, pissed off his dragon - " She sucked in a deep breath, cheeks burning with embarrassment. "He was just being nice, trying to be helpful, but all I could think of was how much I wanted him to go away. And when he did, he had this hurt look in his eyes that - yeah, it made me think that I deserved being hated. And that once again I had hurt someone who probably just wanted to talk, or... I don't even know."
In an agitated motion she raised a hand to rake it through her hair, only to realize it was tied up and wouldn't let her fingers through. There was no doubt in her mind that she had been the one in the wrong, and that the numb state of mind that exploded into rage at the slightest provocation was the root cause.
"I don't... I don't know how to end these cycles," she grated out, pushing the words past a building tension in her jaws. "I don't know how to stop lashing out when I feel... anything. I want to - have to - learn how to stop before I take it out on other people, because if I don't, I'm not sure I can live with myself however much I change other things around me."
Turning around to face Elizabeth, the ancient leaned back against the counter, arms loosely cradling herself to soothe the shame and unease it brought on to recall the incident. "I had gone out into the woods to be alone, I was in a terrible mood and had to let off some steam. Then this guy I've met only briefly before showed up, and started asking how I was, if I needed help - and I completely lost it. Snapped at him, said horrible things, pissed off his dragon - " She sucked in a deep breath, cheeks burning with embarrassment. "He was just being nice, trying to be helpful, but all I could think of was how much I wanted him to go away. And when he did, he had this hurt look in his eyes that - yeah, it made me think that I deserved being hated. And that once again I had hurt someone who probably just wanted to talk, or... I don't even know."
In an agitated motion she raised a hand to rake it through her hair, only to realize it was tied up and wouldn't let her fingers through. There was no doubt in her mind that she had been the one in the wrong, and that the numb state of mind that exploded into rage at the slightest provocation was the root cause.
"I don't... I don't know how to end these cycles," she grated out, pushing the words past a building tension in her jaws. "I don't know how to stop lashing out when I feel... anything. I want to - have to - learn how to stop before I take it out on other people, because if I don't, I'm not sure I can live with myself however much I change other things around me."
I see a new horizon, holding on to hope
Say goodbye to all my pain when it's time for me to go
Say goodbye to all my pain when it's time for me to go
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
