Maea
Hold me like I never did
anything to hurt you
anything to hurt you
Maea should have expected that, yet still his reservations caused her to flinch almost imperceptively. Trying and failing to hide the guilt, she reacquainted her gaze with the top of her boots again, with the smudges of dirt upon worn leather and the small cracks that suggested she would need a new pair before the next winter. Speechless at first, she felt a momentary impulse to give up and leave this man alone. He had every right to reject her offer, and the last thing she wanted was to intrude further on him.
Only the last choice of words stopped her. Maea shook her head slightly, disagreeing. "I... completely understand. It's your decision. Just... I don't mean to be rude either anymore, but I really don't... have an opinion of you at all? Don't know you enough for that. Those things I said... I would likely have thrown at anyone who approached me at the time. It's what I've been telling myself, asking myself, for so long... What I'm trying to do, why I'm here... You just happened to be there when it spilled over." It was hard to admit, and left her feeling even more like an uncontrolled child – but it was unfortunately true. "It probably sounds like an excuse... it's not meant to be, though. All the rest... it was just to make you go away. I did not mean any of it. And I'm very sorry that it caused you pain."
Did it make what she'd said better or worse for being spoken in ignorance of his trauma? Maea didn't know. It wasn't for her to decide. Her only decision right now was whether or not to honor her offer to talk - and that choice was reflected in her presence. Simply waiting quietly for Zavien to make up his mind on whether to accept her explanation or not. For once she didn't fidget, but had stilled until she barely seemed to breathe; like she could stand there to the end of time if need be.
Only the last choice of words stopped her. Maea shook her head slightly, disagreeing. "I... completely understand. It's your decision. Just... I don't mean to be rude either anymore, but I really don't... have an opinion of you at all? Don't know you enough for that. Those things I said... I would likely have thrown at anyone who approached me at the time. It's what I've been telling myself, asking myself, for so long... What I'm trying to do, why I'm here... You just happened to be there when it spilled over." It was hard to admit, and left her feeling even more like an uncontrolled child – but it was unfortunately true. "It probably sounds like an excuse... it's not meant to be, though. All the rest... it was just to make you go away. I did not mean any of it. And I'm very sorry that it caused you pain."
Did it make what she'd said better or worse for being spoken in ignorance of his trauma? Maea didn't know. It wasn't for her to decide. Her only decision right now was whether or not to honor her offer to talk - and that choice was reflected in her presence. Simply waiting quietly for Zavien to make up his mind on whether to accept her explanation or not. For once she didn't fidget, but had stilled until she barely seemed to breathe; like she could stand there to the end of time if need be.
Give me another minute to
lay here in your echo
lay here in your echo
