Jude
Thread by thread, I come apart
If brokenness is a work of art, this must be my masterpiece
After his visit with Lyra, Jude returns to Stormbreak to see Noe instead of sending a letter. He hopes it will buy him more time, yes, but he also does it because when he’d decided to bite the bullet and call up Hadama next he’d been told If brokenness is a work of art, this must be my masterpiece
It’s easy to get a message to someone in the thick of a floating city. Less easy to find a place to meet that isn’t painfully public. The best Jude could arrange on short notice was a wrought iron, decorative table in an otherwise unassuming pagoda in the park. Nothing glamorous enough to tempt people there for picnics or tea. Just enough scattered leaves and scuffed paint to ensure a modicum of propriety and poise without inviting prying eyes.
Jude picks at the peeling paint on the metal lattice of the table until the very moment the Tidebreaker sits down opposite of him, then he lays both hands flat and drags them slowly toward himself until they can drop off the edge to rub sweat into his jeans. Lifting his gaze feels impossible. The spring air on his damp neck makes the temperature seem cooler than he remembers it being five minutes ago. He isn’t sure what he feels, but it’s a typhoon he isn’t ready to face. Still he must. For Noe.
“Hi,” he offers meekly. It feels inappropriate to launch right into things, even if his heart could handle it, but what does that leave? Jude assumes he’s burned every bridge and modicum of respect this man might have held for him. He would be right to. But Jude had always told him he was nothing special, hadn’t he? To not expect anything of worth from the discarded starboy? Hadama should have believed him. Maybe - hopefully - he had. If so, this will be painful in a different way, but altogether easier. “I um. I wanted to ask you something. And I wanted to apologize for not telling you I as leaving. Um…personally, I guess.” He winces immediately after at his own self-importance but at least manages to not drop his gaze. Jude owes the man at least that much.
