& if you never bleed you're never gonna grow
Flora doesn’t speak at first. Can't. She doesn’t move either. It’s the kind of stillness that isn’t quiet so much as staggered; like something inside of her has just tripped a wire and now the rest of her is waiting to feel the explosion. Her breath catches. The world doesn’t stop, not exactly, but it does go muffled. Sunlight glitters off the Oasis like it always has, but for a moment, it might as well be miles away.
I want to try to make a go of things with him.
Koa's name shoves through her like salt in a cut, sharp and sudden and stupid for hurting as much as it does. Because she’s the one who let him go. She’s the one who chose the complicated captain with the devil’s smile and all his secrets and consequences. And gods, she does love Jack, still—she’ll probably always love Jack in that wild, oceanic way—but when she closes her eyes now, it isn’t the sea she sees. It’s warmth. Laughter. The way Koa had looked at her like she was the sun and not the fire that scorched him.
Flora wants to be happy for her friend. Soh had Koa first after all and the Luminary deserved nothing but the best, as did the dragoon, but..but gods does it ache.
Flora swallows hard, mouth parting and closing again. She lifts a hand and presses the heel of it against her eyes for a moment like that might shove the tears back down. When she drops it, her lashes are wet, but she’s smiling. Brittle, but it's there. "Well," she says, her voice thick but wobbly with an attempt at humour, "complicated is one word for it." Her laugh is too sharp. She tries again, gentler this time. "Sorry. I’m not mad. I’m not. It’s just…"
It’s just I wanted that too, once. It’s just I don’t know if I made the right choice. It’s just I can’t help thinking maybe you’ll get everything I gave up. It's just he's going to make you so happy and I'm fucking miserable.
Trying to swallow down a further trade of selfish thoughts, she takes a shaky breath and reaches out, fingers brushing Sohalia’s arm in a gesture that’s soft and real even if everything else in her is trying not to splinter. "I'm sorry that telling me is hard and weird...it's supposed to be a good thing when you like someone." Her smile trembles but holds. "So if you want to try with Koa, then... I’ll be here. Okay?"
I want to try to make a go of things with him.
Koa's name shoves through her like salt in a cut, sharp and sudden and stupid for hurting as much as it does. Because she’s the one who let him go. She’s the one who chose the complicated captain with the devil’s smile and all his secrets and consequences. And gods, she does love Jack, still—she’ll probably always love Jack in that wild, oceanic way—but when she closes her eyes now, it isn’t the sea she sees. It’s warmth. Laughter. The way Koa had looked at her like she was the sun and not the fire that scorched him.
Flora wants to be happy for her friend. Soh had Koa first after all and the Luminary deserved nothing but the best, as did the dragoon, but..but gods does it ache.
Flora swallows hard, mouth parting and closing again. She lifts a hand and presses the heel of it against her eyes for a moment like that might shove the tears back down. When she drops it, her lashes are wet, but she’s smiling. Brittle, but it's there. "Well," she says, her voice thick but wobbly with an attempt at humour, "complicated is one word for it." Her laugh is too sharp. She tries again, gentler this time. "Sorry. I’m not mad. I’m not. It’s just…"
It’s just I wanted that too, once. It’s just I don’t know if I made the right choice. It’s just I can’t help thinking maybe you’ll get everything I gave up. It's just he's going to make you so happy and I'm fucking miserable.
Trying to swallow down a further trade of selfish thoughts, she takes a shaky breath and reaches out, fingers brushing Sohalia’s arm in a gesture that’s soft and real even if everything else in her is trying not to splinter. "I'm sorry that telling me is hard and weird...it's supposed to be a good thing when you like someone." Her smile trembles but holds. "So if you want to try with Koa, then... I’ll be here. Okay?"
