// May the road rise up to meet you //
"It's not a lie! I can absolutely want to repair what I broke and still not want any further part in the life he chooses to lead. But since it's you that's here, arguing for us to make up, and not Asta, it's pretty damn clear that you care more about the whole thing than he does."
Feeling her temper begin to slip, Maea sucked in a deep breath and held it, forcing herself to calm down. The silence as she let Thalassa's points sink in was uncomfortable, but she made it a point to endure it anyway. Like standing upon a precipice with dire consequences everywhere her gaze fell, she felt trapped between following what her own moral compass told her was right, and risk losing a friend. Because Thal did show up, she did help when she could, she was real and frank and honest, and all the flavors of confident that Maea would never be. She adored all the ways they were different, and found comfort in the small yet profound things they had in common – and it hurt, hurt so fucking bad to hear that Thal didn't feel like she was enough.
"Then... what would you have me do?" Her voice softened, quivered, but held; like she sought that unwavering stare and hold it, at a loss for what else to do. "What do you need from me? Because I am doing my best, Thal, the only way I know how. I'm not trying to shirk responsibility for what I've done. But there really are things I'm not okay with, and I... don't want to give up the parts of me that care. Even for scum like that man, even for strangers I will never meet. Even if I could... and I don't think I can. Not without ceasing to be me."
As for the rest... opening up to others was never her strong point. It took more than a few therapy sessions to change that, and clearly more than the time they had spent together to trust that offering anything to Thalassa wouldn't end in pain or humiliation. It was not a slight to her, but rather a sign of how closed off Maea really was. Out of necessity, to protect herself against pain – and clearly it wasn't doing anything for her anymore.
Feeling her temper begin to slip, Maea sucked in a deep breath and held it, forcing herself to calm down. The silence as she let Thalassa's points sink in was uncomfortable, but she made it a point to endure it anyway. Like standing upon a precipice with dire consequences everywhere her gaze fell, she felt trapped between following what her own moral compass told her was right, and risk losing a friend. Because Thal did show up, she did help when she could, she was real and frank and honest, and all the flavors of confident that Maea would never be. She adored all the ways they were different, and found comfort in the small yet profound things they had in common – and it hurt, hurt so fucking bad to hear that Thal didn't feel like she was enough.
"Then... what would you have me do?" Her voice softened, quivered, but held; like she sought that unwavering stare and hold it, at a loss for what else to do. "What do you need from me? Because I am doing my best, Thal, the only way I know how. I'm not trying to shirk responsibility for what I've done. But there really are things I'm not okay with, and I... don't want to give up the parts of me that care. Even for scum like that man, even for strangers I will never meet. Even if I could... and I don't think I can. Not without ceasing to be me."
As for the rest... opening up to others was never her strong point. It took more than a few therapy sessions to change that, and clearly more than the time they had spent together to trust that offering anything to Thalassa wouldn't end in pain or humiliation. It was not a slight to her, but rather a sign of how closed off Maea really was. Out of necessity, to protect herself against pain – and clearly it wasn't doing anything for her anymore.
Maea
// May the wind be at your back //
