// somebody told me that there's two sides to this life //
Color rose into her cheeks at the praise, and she shifted where she sat. The impulse to brush it off was strong, but she resisted; if that's what he saw, then it was his vision. Not necessarily how she saw herself... and Maea did look again. Searched for a long time for that strength he spoke of. In the end she shook her head just a fraction, smiling gently at their reflections.
"No, no should. We both know I haven't been receptive for a long time. And you have responsibilities I can hardly fathom... I never hold it against you if you can't or won't talk about things with me." Even if it hurt sometimes, it was only because of her own lacking, the realisation that she was leagues behind her friend - that even if he trusted her with his back, she might never be equal to the task of defending it.
That said, she would be honored every time he did choose to share something with her. And she found it a bit easier for each time to tell Hadama things that were on her mind.
"I made a new friend, during my time in the Greatwood. Liam - he's a former dragoon. We almost talked ourselves into trying to revive the region, maybe even become leaders... but Flora talked me out of it again almost as quickly. Given my lack of diplomatic connections, and the Family... and by virtue of being a limp noodle if it comes to a real fight... And I can't bear the thought that I put a whole region at risk just because I want something to care about. Beyond myself." She rolled her eyes at her own image, recognising the deeply selfish tendencies in the pale little figure. "Sometimes I really wonder if I'm good for anything other than books and smalltime scrapping with creatures. I want more out of life – but..."
Shrugging helplessly, her upended hands remained empty. Perhaps it was her fate, to read and write about the adventures of others, and at best remain a footnote in the margin. No one would ever remember the people who brought the roses, though; there were no songs for gardeners and vagabonds.
"No, no should. We both know I haven't been receptive for a long time. And you have responsibilities I can hardly fathom... I never hold it against you if you can't or won't talk about things with me." Even if it hurt sometimes, it was only because of her own lacking, the realisation that she was leagues behind her friend - that even if he trusted her with his back, she might never be equal to the task of defending it.
That said, she would be honored every time he did choose to share something with her. And she found it a bit easier for each time to tell Hadama things that were on her mind.
"I made a new friend, during my time in the Greatwood. Liam - he's a former dragoon. We almost talked ourselves into trying to revive the region, maybe even become leaders... but Flora talked me out of it again almost as quickly. Given my lack of diplomatic connections, and the Family... and by virtue of being a limp noodle if it comes to a real fight... And I can't bear the thought that I put a whole region at risk just because I want something to care about. Beyond myself." She rolled her eyes at her own image, recognising the deeply selfish tendencies in the pale little figure. "Sometimes I really wonder if I'm good for anything other than books and smalltime scrapping with creatures. I want more out of life – but..."
Shrugging helplessly, her upended hands remained empty. Perhaps it was her fate, to read and write about the adventures of others, and at best remain a footnote in the margin. No one would ever remember the people who brought the roses, though; there were no songs for gardeners and vagabonds.
Maea
// I think I might've chosen darkness over light //
