flora
Flora’s lips pressed into a thin line as Kaisel spoke, her brows pulling low behind her lashes. "I don't think it was indecision," she said quietly, but with the sort of certainty that suggested this wasn't the first time she'd had this argument in her own mind. "With me anyway, it was selfishness. Stupid, sugar-drenched selfishness. I thought I could just keep them both in this stretched-out summer where no one asked me for more than I was willing to give. Where everything was easy and perfect with Koa, and where Jack.." Her throat caught around the words she'd never been able to say to anyone; Jack's secret stayed lodged in her throat, slowly choking her the more she tried to breathe around him. "..it's so hard to explain."
She shook her head, curls swaying as she leaned slightly back to meet Kai's gaze. "But the moment I realized I was actually really in love with Jack? I told Koa. I chose. That’s not indecision, Kaisel. That’s..." Her voice softened, bitter and fond all at once. "I dunno, being a bitch I guess." Biting at the inside of her cheek, the queen shook her head. "That’s Koa all over though. Not indecisive, just..too late. Too slow. Too careful until he’s not. That's why I told Sohalia not to wait his stupid two weeks. I told her to tell him right then—sappy flower ceremony be damned—because if she’d said it first..gods if everyone just stopped waiting all the time.." If Soh had done that, maybe she'd have beaten Kaisel to the punch, and then Koa could have just relieved whatever frustration he felt about Flora being single, between her best friend's thighs rather than making a u-turn and blowing up the whole interstate in the process.
As Kaisel rose, arms already outstretched, his easy promises undid her in a way she hadn’t braced for. The hiccup caught in her throat before she could fight it, a single ragged breath that folded into the cartoon shark on his chest as she stepped into him. Flora rose onto her toes, arms winding around his neck, desperate to feel his strength close around her. "Kai, don't—" She couldn’t make herself say don’t promise me anything—not with how her voice trembled at just the thought. But the ache was there, strung tight through her shoulders as she tucked her face beneath his jaw.
It wasn’t the pain of broken promises that scarred her deepest she suddenly realized—it was the guilt of knowing she'd helped shape so many of those good, tender people from being the sorts to promise her forever's and always's, into the ones who spat at her feet, who couldn't meet her gaze, who just left.
She shook her head, curls swaying as she leaned slightly back to meet Kai's gaze. "But the moment I realized I was actually really in love with Jack? I told Koa. I chose. That’s not indecision, Kaisel. That’s..." Her voice softened, bitter and fond all at once. "I dunno, being a bitch I guess." Biting at the inside of her cheek, the queen shook her head. "That’s Koa all over though. Not indecisive, just..too late. Too slow. Too careful until he’s not. That's why I told Sohalia not to wait his stupid two weeks. I told her to tell him right then—sappy flower ceremony be damned—because if she’d said it first..gods if everyone just stopped waiting all the time.." If Soh had done that, maybe she'd have beaten Kaisel to the punch, and then Koa could have just relieved whatever frustration he felt about Flora being single, between her best friend's thighs rather than making a u-turn and blowing up the whole interstate in the process.
As Kaisel rose, arms already outstretched, his easy promises undid her in a way she hadn’t braced for. The hiccup caught in her throat before she could fight it, a single ragged breath that folded into the cartoon shark on his chest as she stepped into him. Flora rose onto her toes, arms winding around his neck, desperate to feel his strength close around her. "Kai, don't—" She couldn’t make herself say don’t promise me anything—not with how her voice trembled at just the thought. But the ache was there, strung tight through her shoulders as she tucked her face beneath his jaw.
It wasn’t the pain of broken promises that scarred her deepest she suddenly realized—it was the guilt of knowing she'd helped shape so many of those good, tender people from being the sorts to promise her forever's and always's, into the ones who spat at her feet, who couldn't meet her gaze, who just left.
I want to be when you fall on me like night
I wanna kill the lights
I wanna kill the lights
