Maea
And I never know what to say
'Til I'm already walking away
She had had the decency to blush in the face of his rebuke, a slow, unmistakable flush of shame that crept up the neck and erased the cool pallor that often made her seem so detached. Sucking in a breath to argue back, caught herself before her tongue ran away with her (again) and let him finish before she tried to speak at all. A small hand clenched around the dark fabric of her trousers like it might keep her together.
"When we did speak of it... the first time? my impression was that you wouldn't care, or do anything, even if he did make a habit of it." She swallowed, reaching for the glimmers of insight she'd gained into her own thoughts over the past seasons. "I felt dismissed by him, and by you... like nothing I said would matter. Like I didn't matter. That's... probably why I didn't try. " And so she had taken what she'd seen, made a truth out of it without pausing to examine the facts, and let unprocessed fear take the wheel. Perhaps she hadn't shared the tale with quite as many as Danta made it sound like, and it had been shared only to make sense of a tangled situation when she needed to process it... But undeniaby she really had spoken of the matter, with names and no thought to the consequences. Dangerous... just the kind of careless behaviour she had accused Asta of.
"I've been... an unmitigated hypocrite, an ass, and a fool," Maea admitted, forcing herself to raise her head and meet Danta's gaze. To fully face the scorching derision within it, and finally attempt some actual accountability for her actions. That she'd come from a place of care towards others was nothing short of a lie. It was fear, plain and simple, that had been driving her, the result of avoiding unpleasant thoughts and emotions until they festered and took on a life of their own.
Something cold and unsettled lurched in her gut at the thrown gauntlet. A hint that she knew painfully well the extent of the injuries she had inflicted upon Asta (and he on her, which was completely irrelevant). At the same time... the karmic justice in it appealed to her. Here was true accountability, in its most visceral and tangible form.
"Alright." Her jaw sett with determination, banishing all though of excuses, bargains, mitigating circumstances or ideas of ending cycles of violence. It could end after she'd tasted her own medicine. It could end when the men she had hurt were satisfied with her apologies. Wolves settled disputes with their teeth, too, and there was no reason why she shouldn't embrace that. "Asta was launching himself at me. I shoved him back. He did not stop until he couldn't move anymore."
Taking a step forward, away from the support of the rock at her back, Maea shifted into the sleek form of the molten tiger. Steeling herself, she waited a moment to see if Dantaa too would shift.
"When we did speak of it... the first time? my impression was that you wouldn't care, or do anything, even if he did make a habit of it." She swallowed, reaching for the glimmers of insight she'd gained into her own thoughts over the past seasons. "I felt dismissed by him, and by you... like nothing I said would matter. Like I didn't matter. That's... probably why I didn't try. " And so she had taken what she'd seen, made a truth out of it without pausing to examine the facts, and let unprocessed fear take the wheel. Perhaps she hadn't shared the tale with quite as many as Danta made it sound like, and it had been shared only to make sense of a tangled situation when she needed to process it... But undeniaby she really had spoken of the matter, with names and no thought to the consequences. Dangerous... just the kind of careless behaviour she had accused Asta of.
"I've been... an unmitigated hypocrite, an ass, and a fool," Maea admitted, forcing herself to raise her head and meet Danta's gaze. To fully face the scorching derision within it, and finally attempt some actual accountability for her actions. That she'd come from a place of care towards others was nothing short of a lie. It was fear, plain and simple, that had been driving her, the result of avoiding unpleasant thoughts and emotions until they festered and took on a life of their own.
Something cold and unsettled lurched in her gut at the thrown gauntlet. A hint that she knew painfully well the extent of the injuries she had inflicted upon Asta (and he on her, which was completely irrelevant). At the same time... the karmic justice in it appealed to her. Here was true accountability, in its most visceral and tangible form.
"Alright." Her jaw sett with determination, banishing all though of excuses, bargains, mitigating circumstances or ideas of ending cycles of violence. It could end after she'd tasted her own medicine. It could end when the men she had hurt were satisfied with her apologies. Wolves settled disputes with their teeth, too, and there was no reason why she shouldn't embrace that. "Asta was launching himself at me. I shoved him back. He did not stop until he couldn't move anymore."
Taking a step forward, away from the support of the rock at her back, Maea shifted into the sleek form of the molten tiger. Steeling herself, she waited a moment to see if Dantaa too would shift.
Wanna punch you in the face
But I won't, but I might, but I won't
