Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man
You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them
You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them
It's okay, Koa murmured against the top of her head, and Noe shuddered against him, her throat constricting against the sobs that threatened to break free. It wasn't okay, and how he couldn't see that was beyond the girl. She wasn't sure that anything would ever be okay again.
An objective part of her brain - the small piece that was still cool and collected - pointed out that, physically, she was fine. The Family hadn't harmed her. If anything, they had been kind to her.
It was just everyone else they seemed to want to kill or maim or infect.
It was the emotional trauma that she couldn't quite reconcile. The friendship that she'd had with Vox - it had been real to her, and she mourned the loss of a friend: the betrayal and the hurt and the missing him that suddenly ached in her chest. But that wasn't something she could even begin to explain. And even if she could, how could she tell her brother - who had risked so much to get her out - that a part of her wished she was still infected? It was the worst kind of Stockholm syndrome, but even knowing that it was a trauma response didn't make it go away.
And beyond all of that, Koa still believed her to be good, and innocent, and moral - and yet she had helped the Family. She'd spread infection in the Oerwoud with her own hands, working alongside Pierce to increase the Family's influence. She'd fought against Koa, excused the horrible things the Family had done. She'd been complicit in her inaction.
And he still thought it was somehow his fault. That was what broke her.
Tears traced tracks down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. She pressed her face into his chest, clinging to him as though she might never let him go, and when her knees gave out, her brother was the only thing left holding her up. She was breaking in two, sundered and splintering, and even Koa wasn't enough to keep her together.
"No," she gasped between breaths. "It was never your fault. It was all me." She was shaking, trembling in his grip. She hiccuped. "You don't know what I did. What I wanted to do."
An objective part of her brain - the small piece that was still cool and collected - pointed out that, physically, she was fine. The Family hadn't harmed her. If anything, they had been kind to her.
It was just everyone else they seemed to want to kill or maim or infect.
It was the emotional trauma that she couldn't quite reconcile. The friendship that she'd had with Vox - it had been real to her, and she mourned the loss of a friend: the betrayal and the hurt and the missing him that suddenly ached in her chest. But that wasn't something she could even begin to explain. And even if she could, how could she tell her brother - who had risked so much to get her out - that a part of her wished she was still infected? It was the worst kind of Stockholm syndrome, but even knowing that it was a trauma response didn't make it go away.
And beyond all of that, Koa still believed her to be good, and innocent, and moral - and yet she had helped the Family. She'd spread infection in the Oerwoud with her own hands, working alongside Pierce to increase the Family's influence. She'd fought against Koa, excused the horrible things the Family had done. She'd been complicit in her inaction.
And he still thought it was somehow his fault. That was what broke her.
Tears traced tracks down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. She pressed her face into his chest, clinging to him as though she might never let him go, and when her knees gave out, her brother was the only thing left holding her up. She was breaking in two, sundered and splintering, and even Koa wasn't enough to keep her together.
"No," she gasped between breaths. "It was never your fault. It was all me." She was shaking, trembling in his grip. She hiccuped. "You don't know what I did. What I wanted to do."
Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie
They say looks can kill and I might try
They say looks can kill and I might try
Noe
