// won't you breathe with me? //
"Only if you want to," she murmured, knowing too well how one could outgrow friendships like that. Sometimes even the best of intentions didn't matter when lifestyles no longer aligned. There was nothing wrong with letting go, or with building new relations. Ultimately it was Liam's decision, and she was not the best person to ask for advice even if he wanted some.
Wrestling with her own shadows, she shook her head lightly. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it," she sighed. "I dont know... how." How did she express the cold numbness that had settled in her gut from the moment the fyrhunds appeared on the horizon? She compartmentalised so hard that even she had difficulty retrieving those locked up emotions, and though she tried... "It's like staring at a painting and knowing it should make you feel something, but you're not? Because we fought well, and we survived, so it's like my head is trying to say, what does it matter how it felt like in the moment?" It did matter though. Objectively she knew that. She had been scared out of her mind to maybe see Liam vanish beneath a pile of hounds, and in a brief instance she'd been confronted with the possibility of surviving him. The kind of ghosts that summoned - they weren't easy to vanquish.
Unaware that her shoulders were hiking up toward her ears in a defensive huddle, her fingers tightened around his shirt. "I don't think I can do that again. Start over, find meaning... if you're not there, I – " Her breath hitched. No, she didn't think, she knew. Despite all the friends she had and despite the warm glow of Shii against her awareness; now that she knew the warmth of his presence, a life without him would be an endless desert she wouldn't want to endure.
It was a terrifying notion, for one who had given up everything to simply stay alive. What a weakness it was to love someone like that. What a strength, to feel like everything was possible as long as he was there.
"... I love you."
Wrestling with her own shadows, she shook her head lightly. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it," she sighed. "I dont know... how." How did she express the cold numbness that had settled in her gut from the moment the fyrhunds appeared on the horizon? She compartmentalised so hard that even she had difficulty retrieving those locked up emotions, and though she tried... "It's like staring at a painting and knowing it should make you feel something, but you're not? Because we fought well, and we survived, so it's like my head is trying to say, what does it matter how it felt like in the moment?" It did matter though. Objectively she knew that. She had been scared out of her mind to maybe see Liam vanish beneath a pile of hounds, and in a brief instance she'd been confronted with the possibility of surviving him. The kind of ghosts that summoned - they weren't easy to vanquish.
Unaware that her shoulders were hiking up toward her ears in a defensive huddle, her fingers tightened around his shirt. "I don't think I can do that again. Start over, find meaning... if you're not there, I – " Her breath hitched. No, she didn't think, she knew. Despite all the friends she had and despite the warm glow of Shii against her awareness; now that she knew the warmth of his presence, a life without him would be an endless desert she wouldn't want to endure.
It was a terrifying notion, for one who had given up everything to simply stay alive. What a weakness it was to love someone like that. What a strength, to feel like everything was possible as long as he was there.
"... I love you."
Maea
// won't you take me to your heart? //
