knowing I can't turn the rain into sun any more
Maybe, maybe Kaisel had a point, even though he didn't even know Tarak. He didn't know that Tarak never liked to be dirty; that he always perched on her right shoulder, never her left; or that he always had to have the last word, because he was convinced that he was the smartest griffin in the room and no one could tell him otherwise. But maybe if Kai had known all that, it would only have proven his point: Soh's companion would never have let her go charging into danger without him along, no matter how much she'd asked or demanded or begged. He was always going to be by her side on that battlefield. And maybe that was what hurt the most - that Soh had known that and chosen to go anyway, knowing that she was putting her companion at risk.
Kai's fingers were warm on hers, and Soh swallowed down her self-hatred as she tried to search for a way to explain that it was still her fault - but then he had more to say, and the Luminary simply sat and listened. A part of her still wanted to reject what he had to say on the matter, but another part of her - the aching, tremulous part that hadn't been the same since Tarak died - wanted so badly to believe him. Because sometimes, in the dead of night, when it was just her... sometimes she wondered if taking back Stormbreak had even been worth it.
And she hated herself for that most of all.
"It hurts," she said finally, her voice breaking on the word. "When the bond snapped, it - it's like there's a part of my soul I'll never get back. It's not like normal love, Kai. It's not like heartbreak, or even like losing family. There's just this... emptiness, this void where Tarak used to be, and I don't know how to..." She trailed off, her gaze far off, haunted, somewhere that Kai couldn't follow. "Sometimes it feels like I'm dying, too," she finally whispered. "Only it's this long, drawn out suffering that I can't turn off. And I don't know what to do with that, Kai."
Kai's fingers were warm on hers, and Soh swallowed down her self-hatred as she tried to search for a way to explain that it was still her fault - but then he had more to say, and the Luminary simply sat and listened. A part of her still wanted to reject what he had to say on the matter, but another part of her - the aching, tremulous part that hadn't been the same since Tarak died - wanted so badly to believe him. Because sometimes, in the dead of night, when it was just her... sometimes she wondered if taking back Stormbreak had even been worth it.
And she hated herself for that most of all.
"It hurts," she said finally, her voice breaking on the word. "When the bond snapped, it - it's like there's a part of my soul I'll never get back. It's not like normal love, Kai. It's not like heartbreak, or even like losing family. There's just this... emptiness, this void where Tarak used to be, and I don't know how to..." She trailed off, her gaze far off, haunted, somewhere that Kai couldn't follow. "Sometimes it feels like I'm dying, too," she finally whispered. "Only it's this long, drawn out suffering that I can't turn off. And I don't know what to do with that, Kai."
Sohalia
Minor powerplay allowed without permission.
Feel free to use force/magic on Sohalia.
Feel free to use force/magic on Sohalia.
